Historia's POV
Life really comes back to bite you in the ass doesn't it? I had made a decision without getting any details. At the time I felt that it was the right thing to do, the details could come later.
Turns out, I should've waited. I should've gotten all the details from my dad before telling Eren. A few days after we broke up, I went back to Chicago and spoke with my dad, obviously I'd need to go to law school. My dad told me that he wanted me to go Harvard but they didn't accept my transfer so he spoke to someone he knew at Columbia and got my transfer approved.
I could've stayed with Eren! We could have been happy... but now, here I am, going to school, studying, back in a University dorm. I see Mikasa and the girls still, they sorta understood my side I guess. They didn't hold what I did against me and I thank them for that. Except Sasha. She didn't talk to me all that much. Not at all actually.
I don't see Eren and the other boys that much anymore though. I see Jean and Armin but don't get much from them. Small talk and a smile or a wave from Armin every now and then but Jean just pretty much ignores me. He'll say hi and bye when I go to Mikasa's but that's it. Not like I blame them though, Eren's their friend.
I originally thought I'd never speak to that group again but I'm glad the girls still hang out with me. I cried for days after Eren and I broke up. I stayed with Annie since she lived alone until I went to Chicago. Eren never responded to any of my texts. I miss him a lot, but if he doesn't understand why I have to do this, then ending our relationship was the right thing to do, right?
I think about him a lot, our time together, our home...
"Ugh, I hate this," I say out loud,
"Hate what?" my roommate Mina asks,
"Nuthin' just... boy trouble I guess,"
"Oh, you and your boyfriend get into a fight or something?"
"Nah, more like we broke up,"
"Oh, man. I'm sorry,"
"It's fine,"
I appreciate how she drops the topic and goes back to what she's doing. I was trying to do my homework but couldn't concentrate so I decide to go for a walk.
I walk around aimlessly for about twenty minutes when I realise that I need to get some snacks for my dorm, so I walk into the grocery store.
It's the same store Eren and I went to for Thanksgiving.
Great.
I go around getting snacks when suddenly I bump into someone,
"I'm so- Eren?"
It was him, standing right in front of me, staring at me with an emotionless look on his face.
Fuckin' hell.
"Thought you left? Was that your fancy way of getting out of our relationship?" he says,
"No..." I mumble,
"Okay," he begins walking away but I grab his arm,
"Can we talk? Please?" he stares at me, silent for a few seconds before sighing,
"Fine,"
A while later we're sitting on the balcony of his apartment, drinking coffee that he had offered and having a cigarette.
I'm back here again, where I told him I loved him. What the fuck universe?
"So? What do you want?" he asks,
"I just... I wanted to explain why I'm still in New York,"
"I honestly don't even give a shit," he scoffs,
"Are we gonna be adults about this?" I ask him, furrowing my brows. I was beginning to get frustrated, he was being such a child!
"Tch. Get it over with,"
I sigh,
"I did go back to Chicago. But no other schools accepted my transfer except for Columbia,"
"I know,"
What?
"You know? So why'd you make that comment?"
"Dunno," he shrugs,
He's giving me nothing here!
"How- how've you been?" I ask tentatively,
"Fine,"
"Did you get a new roommate?"
"Nope,"
"Eren. Why are you being like this?"
"Kind of a question is that?"
"I'm sorry, but can't we be civil? Be friends?"
"Nope,"
It's like I literally got stabbed in the heart.
"Why not?"
He scoffs, "'Maybe we were never really in love'" he mocks me,
"Eren I...."
"No, now I'm gonna speak. That's a really fucked up thing to say. I thought, for once, I was doing the right thing. I was being good for someone instead of hurting them, but turns out you didn't actually love me? I know for a fact I loved you. I... I thought you did too..." he says the last bit in a hushed tone,
"Eren... I did... I do,"
He looks up at me, shock etched on his face,
"Then why?"
"I thought... maybe it'll get easier... maybe if I had said that, you'd realise that I was right and that way, you wouldn't be hurt,"
"How could you even think that I don't love you?"
"I don't know. I know nothing about relationships. I wish I could've handled it better... maybe we could've still been together," I feel the familiar sting of tears in my eyes but will them not to fall.
"This is fucked up," he comments, sighing and running a hand through his long hair,
"What is?" I ask, looking at him,
"We still love each other, we should be together,"
"Loving each other isn't the only reason to be in a relationship, Eren," I say cynically,
"Why shouldn't it be? All the other bullshit, that's fixable. But when one person falls out of love, that isn't fixable. Fights? That's normal. Fix it, move on. That's what I think at least,"
"That's a really simplified way of thinking about it," I chuckle,
"Everything is simple. It's people that make things complicated,"
"You know, you're one to talk. If you had just understood why I had to do this, we could've still been together!" I say, starting to get mad,
"Yeah. But I didn't,"
Seriously??
"What the fuck? You're not gonna apologise for how you reacted??"
"Nope,"
"Why the fuck not?!"
"I standby what I said, I don't understand and never will,"
"Ugh! You're hopeless! Why couldn't you have just supported me?!" I yell, and now I'm crying.
It all just came crashing down. I was so stressed about so many things! Especially anything school related! Law is fucking hard! It doesn't interest me at all and there's so much reading, which I thought I'd love, but it's so boring!
"Is understanding anything anyone does the only way to support someone? Because if it is, that kinda defeats the point of it doesn't it?"
"What do you mean?" I ask, confusion lacing my voice.
"I mean, you talk to someone about something because you want their support right? But if that person just accepts everything you say or do without giving you their opinion, what's the point? That's not support, not the way I see it,"
"I mean you could give your opinion but if someone's made a decision just accept it! I chose this, dad didn't push me! And you couldn't have stopped me! What you did was wrong! I'm not the only one at fault here!"
"You're right. Maybe I should've been more supportive, but I have a question for you,"
"What?"
"How are you?"
"What?"
"Come on, tell me how you're genuinely feeling these days,"
"I'm... I'm.... not good... I miss architecture... I miss studying what I love..."
I miss you...
"Mhm," I look at Eren and see him raising an eyebrow at me,
"What?"
"That's why I didn't support it. I knew you'd feel this way. You're not passionate about it. You need to be passionate about what you're doing. Your life decisions should be according to you. Always. Not based off what other people tell you. Live your life. For you. Not for your dad, your family, or even your mom. You said she supported you not wanting to get into law, right? Then she must've wanted you to be doing what you love,"
I look at him with my mouth agape, he was right but whatever, that's not what I'm so shocked about. But... when did he get so wise??
"Eren?"
"Mm?"
"When did you get so wise??"
He laughs, a genuinely laugh, for the first time today.
He lights up another cigarette and offers me one which I take,
"I was always wise, there just wasn't a reason to share my wisdom before," he shrugs, smirking.
"I... I miss you...." I tell him after a few minutes of silence,
"I miss you too.... so much... it's like an elephant is sitting on top of my chest,"
I laugh at his hyperbole,
"You're so silly,"
"And you're so short," he teases, patting my head,
I swat his hand away,
"Stop it!"
"Aha! Now you know how it feels!"
I squint my eyes at him, crossing my arms over my chest,
"Ass,"