Unforgiving Memories (Kenangan yang Tidak boleh Dilupakan) [COMPLETED]

1

I gazed down at the tombstone in front of me and wonder how something like this could have happened to somebody like him.Somebody who was the most beautiful person inside and out.

 Why would this happen tohim..to us? I tried my damnedest to understand the reasoning, but I could never think of a good reason no matter how hard I tried.It seems like it was only yesterday that I fell in love with him. What did he ever do to deserve a punishment such as this? I read the quote on the tombstone as I felt a tear slowly stream down my cheek.

 It read, "Here lies Solar Light Eclipse. Loving Brother, Friend and Musician. Loved by Few and Known by Fewer''

These words didn't even begin to describe Solar. He was also the most stubborn, but    intelligent, loving and humble person to ever live. I never thought that he could be hurt like
this. I still wonder what could possess somebody to commit such an act of hatred against another human being. "How in the hell could somebody do this to him? Why didn't I stay with him that night? I could tell that he needed me to protect him by the tone of his voice." 

I pondered as I fell to my knees and wiped the leaves, dirt and snow off of his grave site. I continued in thought, "I should have done more to protect him. He was all that mattered to me and now, he's gone forever,''I whispered to Solar's grave hoping that somehow he would hear me one final time.
"Rest well my angel. I have a feeling that I'll be joining you soon. I don't know how much
longer I can go on without you. Nothing's the same since you've been gone."

Thorn, who is Solar's younger brother of two years walked up silently behind me and
helped me to my feet. He tried to comfort me by wrapping his arm around my shoulder and saying, "I know how hard it is for you Thunder. We all miss him so much,that it hurts. There's not a single moment that goes by that I don't think about him or wish that he was still with us. But you know that Solar wouldn't want anybody to morn for him. Especially you. He'd want you to move on and find somebody else to love." 

I pushed Thorn away and yelled harshly, "I don't want anybody but Solar! He was my whole world. It should be me in the ground and not him. I can't go on without him in my life. Besides, I know that I'l never love anybody the way that I loved him and nobody will love me the way that he did." 

I ran off crying hysterically. Thorn ran after me but couldn't keep up with my pace.
I made it to a nearby park and slowed my pace.I thought back on all of the memories
that I have made with Simon and couldn't help but smile even though I knew that l'd never be
able to experience them again or have the chance to make new ones. 

All the nights we stayed up late talking and telling stories and holding one another through the hard times made losing him all the more difficult.I ran out of breath a few hundred feet away
and stopped completely to catch my breath. I leaned against an oak tree and slid down it slowly as my face sunk into my knees and I continued to weep. 

Suddenly, I felt a gentle hand resting on my shoulder. I looked up hoping that it was Solar and that I had been having a terrible nightmare the whole time. My hopes were shattered when I looked behind me and seen Thorn standing there as his green
eyes made contact with my dull ruby eyes. I apologized to him and he offered to walk me home.

I said, "No thanks, I needed some time alone to clear my thoughts." Thorn and I went our separate ways for what I was assuming would be the last time. On the way home I walked by the old cafe where Solar and I had our first date. I could almost taste the hamburger I ate and smell the fish that Solar had ordered. 

I forced myself to start walking faster. I did not want to be reminded of him. He was the only source of happiness in my life and it was snuffed out too soon. He could have done so many amazing things for the world if he was given the chance. I walked by a liquor store and decided that Iwould try to buy a bottle of whiskey to help with my pain. Maybe some alcohol would numb the pain of living without the love of my life or at least dull it for a little while and help
me forget about him for a short amount of time. 

When the store clerk refused to sell me the alcohol,I grabbed a large bottle and ran out.I started drinking and somehow made my way to the school that we used to attend. I thought
aloud, "Solar is dead partly because of you assholes not doing anything to try to protect him
from being bullied. Anybody in their right mind could tell that Solar wasn't okay..but, 'm just
as guitty. If you people would have done something about him, Solar would be with us
alive and happy. But you all chose the easy route to ignore the obvious issues and pretend
that nothing was wrong with him. See how well that worked out for you!? Not too fucking well."

In a drunken stupor, I tore off a section of my red long sleeved shirt, stuffed it into the
neck of the bottle, lit the fabric on fire and tossed the bottle at the large wooden doors
that lead into the main hall of the high school.

 I watched as it burnt knowing that it was well a deserved punishment for those who let this
happen. Those like myself. I heard faint sirens in the distance coming to a gradual crescendo and decided to run home.I burst through the door now half sober and stumbled to my room. I barricaded myself inside hoping that my dad hadn't heard my eventful entrance.

The words of the bully that used to taunt Solar ran through my mind a million miles an
hour. Things like " Useless, faggot, queer, emo,nerd,cutter, freak", and the most crippling of all,
"worthless''

I walked over to my dresser and opened the top drawer. I pulled out the pocket knife that Solar had given to me, then I opened the blade and pressed it against my skin dragging the dull blade across ith heavy pressure.I knew at this point that there was no going back.

Within half a second the blood appeared,oozing through my hand,dripping to the floor and I could feel the pain leaving my body as did the blood. I started drifting in and out of consciousness knowing that this was the end of me. Never again would I be forced to endure
the agony 

                                                             A Year and a Half Earlier

The first time that I met Solar, I hated his guts and wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. I avoided him like he was the plague for several years. I would never have believed anybody if they told me how amazing of a person he is. That was almost ten years ago back when we were eight years old. 

Most eight year-olds aren't known for having a good judgment of character anyway. When I first noticed Solar was being bullied when we were seniors in high school. When I seen it happening to him one day after class I was shocked. 

Normally, bullying isn't that prevalent of an issue in this community. He was being bullied by jocks that were at least twice his size and weight. I hoped for a teacher or another student to step in and help, but I was the only one to stand up for him. As much as I didn't like him, I still didn't want to see anybody go through that.Solar was being held against his will by the quarterback of the football team.

 I ran up to him and pushed him away from the undeserving victim. All that he said in response to my action was, "Enjoy losing your reputation Lightning, all because you stood up for this worthless little faggot. The two of you worthless emo freaks should just go and cut each other."

Before he could continue to degrade us, I had punched him in the jaw and he fell to his
knees. Once he regained his composure, he got up off of the ground and ran away like the coward he truly is. His actions invoked a rage deep within me that I had never felt before, but
also, it awakened a more caring side of myself that hadn't yet been discovered. 

It actually felt surprisingly good to help put an end to something so serious.I couldn't stand the sight or thought of anybody being bullied. I thought to myself, "There is never a good reason for bullying. What makes him think he has the right to treat another human like that?"

The more I pondered that question, the worse I felt for never being nice to him. What I did didn't make me any better of a person than any bully is. I held out my hand out to help
Solar to his feet, but I was saddened when he flinched almost as if he thought that I would
pick up where his previous tormentor had left off. 

 I looked him in the eyes and l could almost feel his pain radiating into my own body."Th-thank you Th-Thunderstorm. Nobody ever wants to even think of talking to me due to obvious reasons. I'm sorry that I made you waste your time." Solar stammered nervously as he hung
his head in shame.

I replied in a soft and genuine voice, "Don't talk like that Solar. I know if you were in my
position that you'd do the same for me."Solar embraced me in a tight hug that I
fought at first, but inevitably gave into and enjoyed the once unwelcome physical contact.The feeling of his body pressed tightly against mine was oddly satisfying.

l awkwardly hugged Solar back and felt everything else fade away. I stated, "From now
on you'll be protected by me. We all know that nobody wants to fuck with the caption of the
wrestling team. Why don't you come over to my place after school andI can teach you some
basic stuff to protect yourself when l'm not able to be with you since you're mostly in the gifted
classes?"

Solar hesitated before he responded while trying to hide his enthusiasm, "O-okay.
Just try not to hurt me please." I shook my head and reassured him that I wouldn't as we walked off to music class which was our final class of the day.

''Hmn,yeah right.''

''Hey,I won't,trust meh!''

''Whateverrr''

Oh.Mah.Gosh. The way he he puffed his cheek and pouted trigerred my heart.What the heck?I need a checkup. I chuckled and slightly pat and ruffled his hair before shoving my hand back into my trousers' pocket.

Wait.

Is that a blush I see?

Hm?maybe not?Need my eyes checked too.

After school had ended for the weekend walked outside and waited by the rain entrance of the building. I searched for Solar until l spotted him walking with his head hung low as if he was disappointed about something I almost teared up seeing him look so helpless and alone.

 It appeared as if any joy he had ever felt had been stolen and replaced with suffering and misery. At that moment, I made it my personal goal to stand up for hinm whether he
wants me to or not. I ran over to him and accidentally crashed into him causing Solar to fall on his back and I landed on top of him. 

I couldn't help but stare into his eyes that had become a much darker
shade of gray than they were earlier that day. I thought to myself, "He has the most beautiful
eyes that I've ever seen. I could get lost in those eyes." as I blushed slightly.

Solar looked at me and questioned, "Do you realize that you said that out loud?" I could see the blush now starting to appear on Solar's face. I ignored the question and managed to get myself up then help Solar to his feet.

I was hurt when Simon stated in a low monotone voice, "I thought that you were just going to blow me off like everybody else does. I'm glad that you didn't. Even though I'm sure
that you have much better ways to spend your Friday night than--" 

I interjected, "It hurts me when I see somebody being bullied for no good reason, and it's much worse when the victims think they deserve it. And like l said before, you're under my protection from now on. No matter what."

Solar retorted, "But..they do have a good reason to treat me the way they do. From what
everybody says I do deserve it. Have you forgotten that I'm openly gay or.--" I cut him off again and exclaimed, "Like I said, no good fucking reason!" I continued in a calmer tone, "I don't care that you're gay, you can't help who you fall in love with. You're the smartest person in this whole damn school. I think you might be smarter than most of the teachers here. If you had the ability to defend yourself then you could take on the whole world. I don't want to see you hurt. You don't deserve somebody like Fang terrorizing you. I've known him for years and the second you stand up to him and make it clear that you won't put up with his shit anymore he'll back off."

After our 'short speech' had ended, we started walking to my house in complete silence. After a short walk, we arrived at my house and went into the backyard. I taught Solar a few basic moves like an armbar, a leg lock, and a headlock along with the all important sleeper hold. 

After about three hours of us practicing had passed we went inside and sat on the sofa to catch our breath. We startecd talking and found out that we have more in common than I could have ever imagined.

 I couldn't control my mind or my body or my mind when I made my next move. I softly whispered, "Simon, please don't hate me for this."

"Hate you for wha--''

 Simon was interrupted when I leaned over and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. After a few seconds, I broke the kiss and stated, "That's not how I imagined my first kiss, but I enjoyed it none the less. What do you think?" I was mentally slapping myself 'Why did I do that? He'l probably hate me now.Mah god! I need to get out of this room and clear my head. Why did I even kiss him? What the fuck is wrong with me? l am so fucking stupid!'

Solar couldn't even form a simple answer l apologized and tried to get up to get a few sodas from the refrigerator when Simon grabbed me by the arm and pulled me in for another kiss that was deeper and far more passionate than the first. I couldn't believe how much I was
enjoying kissing a guy, let alone the one that had previously perceived to be my polar
opposite.

Solar broke the kiss and stated, "I... have a confession to make. I'm actually in love with you and I have been since the day that I met you when we were eight. I had no doubt in my mind that at least had a massive crush on you, and now l know that l'm deeply in love with you."

I gave Solar a puzzled look and retorted, "I had a feeling that you were. And I won't lie, now that I know you a little bit I want us to get to know each other more. I think we have so much more in common than what I could have imagined. Hmm,why don't we start off slow with a date? Maybe tomorrow at that old café a few blocks away?"

Solar nodded his head yes and it was set.No sooner than we had the date planned out,
my dad walked through the door and questioned, "Thunder, your friend? I don't think that l've
met him before."

I introduced Solar and asked in an enthusiastic tone, "Could Solar spend the night here?" dad thought about it for a few seconds and replied, "I don't mind if his parents don't mind." Solar seemed to be a little bit uneasy about the situation, but he hesitantly gave dad his parents phone number and dad called them.

They were more than happy to let Solar stay with us fearing that this would be the only time that he would be asked to spend the night at a friend's house or be the only chance that he'd have to make a friend at all.

After dad got off of the phone he stated,"You'll have to share a bed with Thunderstorm since we don't have any other extra space for you to sleep and it's such short notice. By the way,bedtime is at 9:00. Is that okay?" Solar turned blood red and I had to reply for him, "That would be fine."

 We all went to get ready for dinner. I sat next to Solar and snuck my hand into his a few times which made him jump and made me giggle like a child. Dad shot a few curious glances our way but was for the most part, was clueless to my actions.

Once dinner was finished, Solar and excused ourselves and went upstairs to get ready for bed. I had a nagging feeling that we wouldn't get much sleep that night. We awkwardly climbed into my bed and tried to fall asleep.

We continued to talk until 3:30 in the morning. Not long after I looked at my bedside
clock, Solar had fallen asleepin mid-conversation. I soon followed his example. I
decided that I needed to get some rest as well.I gave Solar a soft kiss on the lips and
whispered, "Good night Sol" then closed my eyes and drifted of into slumber.

When morning came we were awakened by my mom.

Hold on a sec,I forgot to tell you my mom's working night shift as a nurse so you probably thought early that I don't have a mom. Well,you're wrong,suckers~By the way,back to where we was,shall we now.

 She yelled playfuly, "Good afternoon sleepy heads. Time to get up!" I noticed that I had my arm wrapped around Solar's waist and he was facing me less than an inch away from our lips being firmly entangled like earlier the previous day.Mom jokingly mocked, "You know, you two
would make a cute couple" This caused me to fully awaken and jump out of bed which scared
both Solar and myself as I hit the floor with a loud thud. 

After mom had left the room laughing at me, I grabbed my phone and looked at the time. I couldn't believe that we'd slept in so late. I almost never sleep until 11:00,even on a Saturday. We went downstairs and dad explained that he had to leave for work and would be
back at 8:00.Same goes to mom,she informed us that she will take double shifts today and will be back by dawn tomorrow.

 It was my job to make Solar feel at home. A few minutes later both mom and dad had finishedgetting ready and left for work.Solar and I decided that we wanted to go out and eat so we got ready and started walking to a nearby café. I couldn't help but think about what mom said. 

I finally got the nerve to ask Solar,"Do you think that we would make a cute couple?" Simon shrugged not knowing how to respond, which was a rare occurrence with his level of intelligence.

He finally responded as an almost unsure gesture made it's way across his face, "Honestly, I never thought that we'd even become friends, but I'm glad that we are." We continued walking and eventually arrived at the cafe. I opened the door and let my date go in first like a gentleman.

The waitress came over to our table and handed us the menus. I knew what I wanted and I think Solar knew what he wanted as well. The waitress came back a few minutes later and we ordered. I got a hamburger and Solar ordered grilled tilapia. We had a good time and at one point Simon told me a story that was so funny started laughing like a maniac. 

People started to stare at us so we decided that we should leave. We quickly paid and got out of the café. looked at Solar and stated, "That's the most fun that l've ever had with anybody. I'm glad that we're friends now." and looked him in the eyes with a caring look.

 I mumbled to myself, ''I hope that we could be more than just friends though. I don't know what's come ever me, but think I like Simon more than I've ever liked any girl that l've ever met"

Simon blushed and I gave him a kiss on the cheek.I didn't care who had seen it, I was in too
good of a mood to care at that moment. Igrabbed his hand and we started walking towards my house when Solar spoke up, "I don't wanna go back to your house just yet. Why don't we go and have some fun in town? I was hoping that we could spend some more
time together."

I was up for anything that Solar would have suggested. He could have asked if I wanted to lick a cactus and I would have said yes just to see him smile or hear him laugh. Seeing the gleam in his eye made it all worthwhile to me.

We made our way to an arcade where we spent a few hours playing video games and getting more acquainted. When it was decided that we had all of the video games that we could stand for one day we headed back to my house.

We entered my house and I fell down on the sofa and Solar laid on top of me with his head resting on my chest. I pondered, 'I always thought that I was straight, but when l'm with Solar I feel free to be myself. Could I really be gay? Is this just a phase of some kind? I do know this though, Solar is one of the kindest,smartest and most amazing people that I've ever met and I won't let anybody hurt him no matter what. Even if it costs me my life.'

Solar looked at me and stated, "I think that this has been one of the best days of my entire life. I love you Thundy" and yawned deeply,yet it was so cute. Before I could filter myself I replied, "I love you too Solar."I didn't want that moment to ever end. I closed my eyes and we both fell asleep.

When I awoke, dad was talking with somebody that I recognized but didn't fully know who it was. I didn't want to wake Solar so l just lay perfectly still while I listened to dad and the other person speaking to my dad. Wait de a minute,Where's mom? Gossiping somewhere out there probably...with her divas lol.

Dad nudged me on the shoulder and stated, "If it's okay with you and Solar, he can spend the rest of the weekend with us. We'll take him home Sunday night about 9:00 in the evening"

I couldn't contain my enthusiasm and accidentally woke Solar. He was a little irritated, but his mood changed completely when I told him the news. He was so excited that he gave me a kiss on the cheek right in front of dad and the other figure.Solar looked up and finally seen that we
weren't alone and jumped up in embarrassment. "Th-thorn!, -I didn't se-see you there. You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Solar stammered.That was adorb.

Oh,great timing,mom's here and I guess she probably had witnessed our act too.Thorn laughed and replied, "Have fun with your boyfriend." then departed from our house.
Mom jokingly stated, "Thunder dear, I always thought that you were a ladies man"

She took a more serious monotone, "I don't care if you are gay or not. Just as long as you're happy. If you're happy then I won't say anything. Besides, you could do so much worse than Solar. I think that he could be a really good influence on you." ''Yeah,your mom's right,buddy,as long as its not a crime.'' Oh wow,I guess both mom and dad are in my side. Immah do a lil' victory in head,can't do in reality,Solar's here,I don't wanna dump my macho.

Dad and mom walked off and l asked Solar if he was ready to go to bed and get some sleep. He
was a little nervous after Thorn frightened him. "I don't think that I could sleep after my little brother nearly gave me a heart attack."Solar responded in a joking but slightly serious tone.

I replied, "You don't have to worry about anything. I'll be here to protect you from now on no matter what." Solar gave me hopeful look as I grabbed ahold of his hand. He questioned, "Do you really mean that? Iknow I'm not worth--"

I interjected sharply, "For the love of god Solar, you have to stop being so negative towards yourself. You're super funny,intelligent, loyal, and the best looking guy that I've ever known. Even though we've barely become friends after all these years, I love spending time with you. I wish that we would have become friends earlier in life. I will gladly do anything for you, even if it costs me my life.I only wish that you could see yourself the same way that l see you.''

Solar gave me a peck on the lips, smiled,and questioned, "So, does this mean that we're
um...dating now?I responded with a sarcastic smile spreading across my face, "I thought that when we went out for lunch it was a date" Solar recanted, "Does that mean that you're my...um..."

I finished his sentence, "Boyfriend? I would say yes. I hope that everybody knows that you're mine and off limits. I refuse to share you with anybody" Solar was so happy that we were going to be more than just friends, but I was still a little unsure of my feelings for him.

 I thought,'Maybe it'll take a few more days with him to figure out how I truly feel. If we can't make it as a couple then we could still remain friends. I meant what I said about never leaving him and protecting him no matter what.'

We headed upstairs to my bedroom and climbed into my bed. I didn't have a problem with sharing my bed now that we had gotten more acquainted with each other. I gave Solar
kiss on the forehead and said good night. 

The next day was a slow and lazy day. Mom had to be at work at 6:00 and dad went outstation and we were allowed to sleep in as late as we wanted. I knew that after the long and eventful day that we had we would need at least ten hours of sleep.

When I awoke I noticed that I was the only one in bed. I checked my surroundings searching for Solar and hoped that it wasn't just a vivid dream that I'd had. He was nowhere to be found in the bedroom or the second floor of the house so l went downstairs to search for him.

I found him in the living room on the phone. I stayed a few feet away so he wouldn't see or hear me. I heard him say into his phone, "Yes know what we had was something special, b-but you were the one...Yes,I understand that but please let me... Fine, then you can go and fuck yourself! I am sick and tired of trying to reason with you. Ever since we broke up you've done nothing but make my life a living hell and this is where I draw the line! Goodbye forever you egotistic, self-centered, shallow, materialistic cunt!"

I then heard Solar start crying and watched as he fell to his knees and pulled out a small pocket knife. I knew that I had to intervene before he did something that he would regret. I knew that I had to be there for him or he wouldn't trust me ever again.

I ran down the stairs and grabbed the knife out of his hand and tossed it across the room to where he couldn't reach it and embraced Solar in a tight hug refusing to let him go no matter how much he was to plead. I let him cry on my shoulder for what seemed like an eternity.

I slowly ran my fingers through his chestnut coloured hair to try to comfort him. Solar managed to stammer out in between sobs, "Th-thank y-you for e-e-everything Thundy. Y-you don't know how much this means to me. Or how much you mean to me." as he looked up at me with
tranquility filling his eyes.

I was speechless that anybody could push Solar that far. I didn't ever want to see Solar or anybody for that matter in such a damaged state. I was hoping that Solar hadn't noticed that I had started crying also. I fought it as best as I could until l couldn't hold it back any longer. Luckily, he never noticed that I had started crying also. 

Once we could cry no more Solar stated,"Thank you again for being here for me. I would have ended it all if you hadn't stepped in. I want you to have that knife before I try something like that again."

I stated in a soft voice, "What else is a boyfriend for? I know you'd do the same for me."
I changed the subject hoping to make Solar forget the phone conversation. "Why
don't I make us something to eat? l'm sure that you're probably hungry. I know I am."

I went into the kitchen and made us breakfast. We ate and I could tell that Solar
was already in a much better mood. I knew that from then on I would need to protect him even
if it cost me my life. After we had finished our breakfast we decided to go out and get some fresh air.

 We walked to a nearby park and sat on a bench under a large oak tree. We noticed that we were the only people at the park.Solar asked me in a soft voice, '"Would it be okay if l kissed you?"

I said, "Yes. Any time that you want to you can. I don't care who sees. Love should be
celebrated not hated"Solar leaning close against me and closed the gap between us and
softly pressed his lips against mine.His arms lingering my shoulder.I closed my
eyes,tigthened my hug on his waist with my other hand at the back of his neck,I slightly pushed his head to deepen the kiss and boy it felt so damn good. 

I felt all of the stress leaving my body.Solar broke the kiss and explained in a soft tone, "That was the best kiss that I've ever had. Being with you just feels so right to me. Please don't leave me all alone like you found me."

I retorted in a calm and reassuring voice, "I wouldn't think of it. I want you in my life forever.I love you Solar Light Eclipse, and nothing can change that." Solar seemed touched by my words.

All of a sudden, I got a call on my phone. It wasdad telling us that he was on the way home. Apparently, his outstation trip got cancelled. We left the park holding hands the whole way home.

When we entered,dad was waiting for us along with Solar's parents. Dad and I
introduced ourselves and made small talk. Solar's father stated to dad, "Solar has a few
issues that I think you should be aware of.Solar is..well, how could I put this politely?""

Simon interrupted without hesitation, "Mr.Lightning, I'm gay. Since nobody else has the
guts to say it, I will."dad surprised us all when he placed a hand on his shoulder, looked Solar in the eyes, and replied in a calming voice, "I don't care that you're gay. Like I told Thunderstorm, that is none of my business. I won't judge you because of your
sexuality. Oh, and by the way, Mr.Lightning was my father. You can call me Bolt."

I heard Thorn whisper to himself, "I think Solar's found himself a good boyfriend
with a good father unlike the last piece of shit he had." Luckily, the statement went unheard by
everybody but me.

 Solar and I reluctantly said goodbye, exchanged phone numbers then Solar and his family departed. I was quite upset, but I knew that in about twelve hours would see him again at school. Just the thought of getting to see Solar at school made
me smile slightly. Even if we only had one class together.

Dad had seen the look of disappointment on my face and questioned, "Thunderstorm, what's
wrong? Did Solar do something that upset you? Did I upset you?" I fought back my overwhelming emotions and replied, 

"No, it's not that. I think that I like him...as more than just a friend. I always thought that I was straight, but when I'm around him he makes me feel so alive and carefree. Almost like we're the only ones in the whole world and nothing else matters when we're together. When I look him in the eyes can feel all of his pain, sadness, and every bad memory that he has locked away. But if I look deeper, I find the kindness, joy and unconditional love beneath all of that."

Dad rubbed his chin, thought for a moment, and spoke, "It sounds to me like you have a huge crush on Solar. I can see it in the way that he looks at you and hangs on your every word that he has some pretty strong feelings for you as well. I really do think that you two would make a cute couple and if it eels right for both of you then go for it. Just make sure that you understand what baggage comes along with being in a relationship with another boy will bring. Most people will look down on you for who you love and try to pry you apart."

I replied,"That's my point. I don't care about what people think about me, but I don't want to see Solar get hurt. The whole reason invited him over was to teach him how to defend himself against the bullies at school."

Dad suggested that I go take a shower and get ready for bed. I knew that he was thinking needed something to clear my mind andI couldn't agree more. I walked into the bathroom then shut and locked the door behind me. I continued to undress and turn on the water in the shower so it could warm up. All the events of the past two days came cascading through my mind as Igot into the hot shower.

The one thing that I couldn't stop thinking about was the first kiss that I gave Simon. I
replayed every second in my mind. I didn't even notice that I had become aroused. I
desperately needed a release after three days of not being able to relieve myself. I started
stroking up and down the length of my shaft with my left hand and massaged my balls with
my right hand. 

I closed my eyes and imagined that it was Solar doing the deed for me. Because I couldn't relieve myself for the past few days, it didn't take long for the tension to build up inside of me. I started breathing harder and faster as I whimpered Solar's name. I let out a high pitched moan and erupted. I couldn't help but think, "What would it feel like if were to get Solar to do that for me? 

He's had a boyfriend before, surely he's got some experience, unlike me. Hell, he was my first kiss for fucks sakes." I got out of the shower, dried off, got dressed and went to bed. I fell into a deep and restless sleep. That night I had a nightmare that Solar had broken up with me for the most popular girl in school, had told everybody that was gay and never talked to me again.

 I woke up crying at 3:20 in the morning and remained awake the rest of the night. I had to remind myself several times, "It was only a nightmare. He even said that he's been in love with me since we were eight years old."

 I tried to make myself fall asleep to no avail. When morning had arrived, I was dreading going to school. That is until remembered I was Solar's bodyguard. The only thing that motivated me to go was the fact that I would be able to see Solar and protect him. I got dressed and was about to leave the house when I heard a knock on the door.

I opened it and seen Fang standing inches away from me. I questioned in a sharp and sarcastic tone, "And just what can I do for the best quarterback in the whole damn world? Maybe get you a big cold glass of get the hell away from me? Or would youprefer some more punch? I think that you liked it so much the first time that you just had to have some more."

Fang responded with annoyance in his voice, "Haha, that was so funny that I forgot to laugh. If I see you with Solar today you're both dead meat. Stay the fuck away from him" I rolled my eyes stated, "You do realize that you came to my house and threatened me?That is the definition of a terroristic threat.I think you should leave before I call the cops and have them throw your dumb ass in jail." 

I pulled out my phone and pretended to dial 911 when he finally left. As he was walking away I
flipped him off and slammed the door. " Today's going to be a royal shit storm." I thought aloud begrudgingly.

I was so angry that I stormed out of the house and forgot to grab my backpack. I walked to school and waited for Solar. I found him sitting by himself and reading a thick, old looking book. I could feel all of my anger melting away as soon as my eyes landed on him.

I sat down next to him and almost gave Solar a heart attack. I laughed slightly and after he took a few deep breaths to calm himself, he was able to laugh about it as well. I told him about what had happened to me earlier and I could tell that it was bothering him.

I was about to ask why he seemed so upset when he began to explain, "I've never told this
to anybody before but...Fang was my first boyfriend. At first, I thought he was going to be
the one for me because I thought you would hate me forever. One night he got drunk, broke
into my bedroom and beat me severely. He told me if I told anybody that he'd kill me. Ever since then he's made my life a living hell all because he thought I was cheating on him with a girl named Ying. I've never been interested in girls, I've always been interested in guys...mainly you."

I could see that the life was being sucked out of Solar having as he continued to talk about Fang. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug. The principal saw what was going on,''Mister Thunderstorm Lightning Bolt, you better leave that poor boy alone. I can assure you that he hasn't done anything to deserve to be picked on. He gets enough grief from Fang." 

I couldn't believe that he was accusing me of bullying my boyfriend.Solar explained that I was being kind to him, that we were friends and I was comforting him. The principal took his word and left us alone.I continued to hold Solar until he stopped crying. 

I gave him a concerned look and stated, "If you don't want to talk about that shit sack again, then it's fine with me. However, if you do want to talk about that or anything. Then I'l be here for you any time any place. I don't want you to think about him anymore. You've got a lot to look forward to now"

The bell rang signaling that we were going to be late for our first-period class. Solar stated, "Thank you, Thundy, just talking about this with somebody makes me feel a lot better."
Solar quickly changed the subject, "I think that we'd better get going or I'll be late for my
biology class. Why don't we meet during lunch?"

I replied, "That would be great. I'll see you I replied, "That would be great. I'll see you later Solar." I stated as I kissed him on the lips and then ran down the hallway to my history class.

My history class and other two classes were a blur to me. The teachers seemed to drone on
about things that interested me even less than normal until finally the bell rang signaling that
it was time for lunch. I ran to the cafeteria and spotted Solar. I was about to call his name when Fang stepped in front of me. 

I could tell that he was enraged. He tried to intimidate me by saying, "If you don't leave Solar alone I'll have to beat the unholy hell out of you. We both know that I could win in a fight against you any time and any place."

I shoved him out of my way and replied, "I don't have time for your bull shit. Besides, I've
already laid you out once and I can do it again. If you'll excuse me, I have to meet my boyfriend
for lunch."

Solar and I grabbed our lunch trays and decided to eat outside. We talked about how boring our classes were. I couldn't wait until music class.That was the one class that Solar and I had
together. It's an easy class for me since music was my passion,don't wanna brag,but yeah. But with Solar being there, it would make it more difficult to focus on music and not sing about my feelings for him by mistake.

I questioned, "Are you ready for the upcoming vocal duet that we have to do for our semester test?" Solar retorted, "No, I don't even know what 'm going to sing. I know who l'd like to
sing with, but that's it. I'd love to sing with my boyfriend; if that's okay with him."
I nodded and continued, "I know of a few songs that would suit your voice perfectly. You
could do something like Youtopia, Dekadence,Life After Love, Jenny, Impulse, The Reason,
Love Lockdown, Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love, Swan Saivo, Tonight, Rise Above This, 405, Audience
of One, September's Children, Departure Theme by Christian Alvestam, Heat of the Moment or In The End by Shaman's Harvest. With the vocal range you have, it's more difficult to pick what song you can't sing.

Anything that you pick I know will be great. I believe in you."Solar explained, "I do have an original song that l want us to perform. If you don't mind that is. It has parts that show off my vocal range and you could throw some guitar riffs and I could add some piano melodies." We
agreed to go to my house after school and practice the song.

The rest of lunch and music class went by smoothly. Solar and I had left as soon as the final bell rang. We walked the seven blocks to my house and entered inside. I lead Solar into
the music room and he sat down at the piano. Solar found the right key for both of us to sing
in and we started to practice the song. 

I kept looking into Solar's eyes while he sang.I couldn't believe the raw emotion he was putting into the song. I could hear all of the pain that he's ever felt with every note that he sang. The staccato and vibrato made my body tremble because it reminded me of how fragile he can be. 

I was so lost in the moment that forgot my starting point and messed up the whole song. Luckily, Solar continued to sing even though I had messed up. He didn't seem to notice my mistake and I was thankful. I had to look away to keep my focus on the music. I had Solar to restart the song while I got out my acoustic guitar. We played through the song in perfect synchronization. 

Once we were content with the outcome, we decided to go into the living room and watch t.v. for a little while.Solar curled up next to me and rested his head on my shoulder. The feeling of his body against mine was like electricity flowing through mine. Just the slightest physical
contact was near orgasmic. 

Simon smiled and told me, "You're so comfy that I could just fall asleep on you." I laid down and let Solar rest his head on my chest. I thought, "A little nap won't hurt. After the day that we've had we deserved some peaceful rest."I closed my eyes and quickly fell asleep.

When I woke up Dad was standing in the doorway talking on his phone. He rudely woke us up and stated, "It's 7:00. I've talked to Solar's parents and they said that he could eat dinner with us and then we'll have to take him home." We ordered a pizza and waited for it to arrive.

Once it arrived we ate and made small talk for about an hour. Sadly, we had to take Solar
home. We drove to Solar's house and I walked him to the door. I gave Solar the most
passionate goodnight kiss that seemed to linger forever. I broke the kiss and softly stated. "I'll see you later. Have a good night and don't forget that I love you."

Solar replied, "I love you too ThundyBun~. I can't wait to be able to see you at school tomorrow."he chuckeled a bit when my face flushed red. I mean--who could resist the way he cooed,and that nickname,so cute! A few moments being all lovey dovey at Solar's door entrance we bid each other goodbye.

Solar hesitantly walked into his house and gently closed the door. I stuck my hands in my
pockets and started walking back to the car with my head hung low. When I got into the car, dad noticed the look of disappointment on my face. He questioned, "It hurts you when Solar has to leave doesn't it? If you wanna talk about it I'm here for you."

I hesitantly replied, "I think that l'm in love with him. He's the smartest, kindest, funniest,most talented person that l've ever met. I don't know why, but I think that we were meant to be together. It's hard to explain, but l just feel it dad'' He didn't know how to respond so the rest of the ride home was filled with awkward silence.

When we arrived home I made my way upstairs and went to bed. It was nearly 12:00
when I got a call from Solar in an urgent and distraught tone. He stated, "I know it's late, but
could you meet me at the park?I need to talk to you about something important.'' I knew that if I were to get caught that l'd never be able to see Solar again. l also knew that had to be there for him no matter what like l'd promised.

 I made a decision on what thought was more important, I made sure that dad was asleep before l snuck out the front door. I ran the whole way to the desolate park and found Solar sitting on a bench under a street light. I sat down next to him and questioned, "why'd you call me? ls everything alright?" Solar shook his head no. 

I held his hand as he began to explain what was wrong "Fang broke into my house and vandalized it not even a few minutes after you and your dad brought me home. We called the
police, but they aren't going to do anything about it because we didn't catch him in the act.
just know it was him and now I don't feel safe at my house anymore. I don't want to scare Thorn with this whole ordeal and I don't know what I should do about it. Thorny has no
idea why somebody would do something this awful. I tried to explain the situation to him, but
his innocence is protecting him. Sometimes I wish that I had the same kind of innocence that
blocks out the negative side of life." I stated in response as Solar squeezed my hand tightly 

"I'll talk to dad and see if it'd be okay if you and Thorn could come and stay with us fo ra few days until all of this gets sorted out. I'm sure that my dad won't mind too much. And it would make it a lot easier for us to be together" Solar begged me to stay with him so we walked back to his house.

Once we entered Solar's house we were greeted by my dad and Sol's family. They
seemed more worried than disappointed or mad about us sneaking out. Solar began to
explain, "I had to see Thunderstorm. I needed somebody to talk to. Fang has me so stressed out that I can't sleep or think straight. I don't want to think about what he might of done if I would have been here alone. I think that Thorn and I need to get out of this house for a little
while. I don't feel safe and I don't want Thorny to get hurt because of that shallow pathetic
excuse of a narcissistic meat sack that I have the displeasure of calling an ex-boyfriend"

My dad stated, "If you'd like, you both could come and stay with us for a little while. I don't
mind if your parents don't." Solar, Thorn and I gave their's parents a pleading look and
they agreed to the offer. Solar, Thorn and I all got into dad's car and left for home.I knew that Fang wouldn't stop terrorizing Solar and that gave me an uneasy feeling. I knew that he was going to do something bad, but I didn't know when he would do it, or what he had planned. 

The one thing I did know is l was prepared to fight until my dying breath to keep my promise to
Solar. I was hoping that I was wrong about all of this, but my gut was telling me that I was
correct. We drove to my house and got settled in for the night. It was a little cramped with
three people in one bed, but it did mean that l'd be closer to Solar  and I liked that.

Soon I heard Thorn snoring then I noticed that Solar had fallen asleep as well.I
moved a little closer and whispered to him,"Good night. I'll see you in the morning." as
closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep. Mom came into the room and woke us up.
She told us that we needed to get ready for school. We all reluctantly got ready. Thorn
stated, "I can't wait until school's holiday. I know it's only a few weeks away, but it feels like an
eternity." I replied, "Oh crap, I forgot that it's not long till holiday. It's weird though.. I don't wish for anything on this coming holiday. I've got Solar and he's all that I need to make me happy"
Solar gave me a loving look and replied, "And as long as I have Stormy, I'll be happy as
well." Solar gave me a peck on the lips and we went downstairs.

Ahh,another nickname,I'll save it stg...

 Mom informed us that school had been canceled due to a pandemic. Everybody was relieved that school had been canceled,actually not sure,but as informed,publics will be sealed for months.All because of that damn virus,I can even go out on a date with my precious baby. 

Thorn decided to head back to bed while Solar and I decided to practice for the upcoming vocal duet. We went into the music room. I started off the song on guitar then Solar's vocals and the piano accompanied after the three measure
kick off.

"When only despair remains I know that I can
stand and fight with you by my side. I will not
consign to this darkness that I feel inside,
'cause when I'm around youl feel so alive. Like
it's the first time I can open my eyes and see the
good in life. I'd go through the bad side of
heaven and the worse side of hell just to make
it through to you on the other side. The other
side of this is where we were meant to be. To be free, free from this darkness that we both fell
inside that tells us we're not alive. This is my
stride to make it to you on the other side. We
may go through hell to get there, but you,I
always have me on the other side. We've all felt
dead inside, and we all know why. There's no
need to lie about it or cry about it. We've all felt
dead inside and we all know why and I won't lie
that I can't wait to make it through to you on
the other side. So take my hand and follow me
to the other side where we can finally feel alive
for the first time. This is my stride to make it
through to you on the other side."

I joined in an octave below Solar's pitch,

 "We will not consign to this darkness that we feel inside. We

will stand and fight to feel alive (so all I have) for the

first time. Like it's the first time that we can
open our eyes and see the good in lite. When
'm around you ! feel so alive (so alive) for the
first time. This is my stride to make it through
to you on the other side (the other side) where
we will finally feel alive for the first time."

I looked Solar in the eyes and stated, "That was the most fun that l've ever had playing music. I wish that I was half as good as you though." Solar blushed and responded, "Thank you, Thundy. That means a lot coming from you.I think that we've got a good song" l questioned, "How so?"

Solar replied, "This song describes how feel about you. I love you and l'd scream it at
the top of my lungs to prove it" I moved closer and stated, "You don't have to do that. I know that you love me and I love you. I don't care what happens as long as I have you."

Solar had a beautiful shining in his eyes that I'd never seen before. It could only be explained as pure joy. I couldn't ignore the fact that I was deeply in love. I leaned over to kiss him when Thorn walked into the music room and stated, "You two sounded great. I can't wait to see you perform it in front of the whole school"

That statement made Solar nervous. I held him by the waist and stated, "Don't worry about it Sol, you'll have me there the whole time. I promise that I'll never leave you no matter what."
Solar replied softly as he gazed into my eyes. "What did I do to deserve a guy like you? I love you, Thunderstorm."

It send a huge vibrant of some kind of electricity throughout my whole body,and my heart pounded like crazy when he called out my fullname.I bit my lip,feeling slightly anxious.

I held Solar close to my body almost feeling like this was just a dream and not reality. I whispered, ''I love you more than life itself and I want everybody to know how much I love you. I don't care what Fang says or does to me. But I swear that if he touches a single hair on your body l'll rip his throat out and mail him to his grandmother in a jelly jar." 

Solar let out a light laugh and gave me a kiss on the lips. The rest of the day was spent lazily
watching t.v. and me getting to know Thorn better. It didn't take too long before we were all
asleep on the sofa. Dad walked in and woke us up by accident. He stated, "I'm going to go to
bed. I've had a long day and I'm exhausted." We woke up enough to say goodnight to my dad. Dad then went straight to his room and before we knew it,we heard unidentified snoring noises. Poor dad,must be tired of all that work.

 Solar blushed deep red when he noticed that his hand was covering my crotch.I whispered, "Don't worry about it. It feels kinda nice" I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and held him against my body to preserve our body heat. "S..sureThundy~" Solar replied in a husky  voice.Damn,I was starting to turn on.

 Solar gently squeezed the bulge in my pants and watched as it started to harden. I was
pleading for some time alone with him. Thorn got up and stated, "I'm going to go and take a shower" then promptly left the room.I think that he could sense that I wanted
some time alone with Simon. And I kind of chuckled when I caught him mumbling under his breath,''Damn you guys teasing the singles,not.fair.at.all.''

At last, Solar and I were alone together. My mind and my heart were racing a mile a minute. Solar could tell that I was nervous and stated, "Don't worry Stormy. I won't bite...unless
you want me to."he licks his lips lustfully. Solar's statement made me turn crimson
red. 

He slowly slid his hand into my pants and massaged my bulge. I couldn't believe how amazing his light touch felt. He questioned, "Do you want to go further than this, or do you want
to wait?" I thought about my answer for a brief moment and replied, "I would love to go
further. Just as long as you're careful. I've never done anything like..this before. I'm kinda still a
virgin."

Solar nodded and we snuck into my room and I locked the door behind me. We sat down
on my bed and started to kiss. I found myself lost in a trance as I gazed into Solar's eyes before I closed my own. They looked so full of life and love. I wanted nothing more than to preserve that look in his eyes by any means necessary.

I laid down on my back and Solar laid on top of me. Solar's hands explored my body as
he started removing my clothes. It started with him removing my shirt and running his hands
up and down my chest as he kissed my neck.

Next to come off was my pants. Solar rubbed around my crotch and watched my
member expand to it's full eight and a half inches. His hands made their way into my
bright red boxers and I let out a high pitch sigh of pleasure as he slowly started stroking up and
down.

He broke the kiss and questioned, "Are you sure about this? If you're not ready it can wait.I
want this to be special for both of us." I replied in a voice that was nearly a whisper, "Yes, I'm sure. You're my everything and I want to give you every part of me."

Solar gave me a reassuring look and pulled my underwear off. What came next shocked me. He spread my legs apart and began to slowly engulf every inch of my member. It was the most amazing feeling that I've ever experienced. He kept alternating between gently sucking at a slow pace and sucking very hard at a fast pace.

After several minutes I warned him in a frantic high tone, "So-sol, I-l'm about to c--ugghh!" then erupted into his mouth. Solar pulled my softening member out of his mouth and continued stroking my shaft and retracting my foreskin causing the head to appear and vanish. 

Without warning to either of us, I let loose with another orgasm. Some shot onto my stomach, some onSolar's shirt, and the rest landed on his hand. I was about to take Solar's clothes off of him and return his gesture of affection when we heard a knock on the door. 

I nearly jumped out of my skin and replied to the knock, "Ju-just a minute." I somehow managed to get fully dressed in a matter of seconds. I opened the door and Thorn awkwardly entered the room.He could sense the tension in the room. He remained silent for quite some time. 

Things got much more awkward when Solar stated, "It's my turn later. Don't think that l'm going to let you have all the fun." Thorn gave an absent-minded look and questioned, "What are you talking about? Did miss something?"

I was turning red again and retorted, "Solar and I were just. uum..playing a game. That's all."Thorn jokingly said, "You two were probably playing hide and go fuck or slap and tickle." Solar's face turned as red as my underwear and I had to hide the embarrassment and guilt on my face. Damn I thought he was innocent...as what Solar mentioned? Oh wow.

Solar stammered out shyly, "H-how'd y-you know? W-was it th-that obvious?" I nearly fainted from embarrassment. I couldn't believe that he'd just admitted that we were doing more than just kissing. 

Thorn could see how distraught we were and replied, "Oh, don't worry I won't say anything.What you do with your boyfriend is none of my business'' 

The rest of the night Solar and I barely slept at all. We were at fear that something bad might happened after Thorn walked in on us. I pulled Solar closer to me and soon he was relaxed enough to fall asleep.

I wasn't so lucky though. I held Solar close to me as he slept. Soon the sun had come out and I hadn't slept for one moment that night. Dad knocked on the door and slowly entered.He stated, ''I've got some good news for you,Solar. Fang was arrested last night for trying to rob an elderly woman.He has a rm25,000 bond and nobody wants to bail him out. He won't be bothering you for quite some time.And since I'm late for work,as usual,you three are going to stay here tonight.I'll have to take Solar and Thorn home when I get off work today.''

Solar looked like he had mixed emotions about the news dad had just told us. I looked Solar in the eyes and stated, ''You know I''ll be here no matter what right?I have no plans on leaving you. You are my wholeworld.''

Solar gave me a relieved look that volumes more than what words could ever have.

Solar and I had no intentions of getting out of bed until Thorn questioned, "Don't you two still have to practice for your vocal duet?" Our eyes shot open and we ran into the music room to practice our song. It went flawless so we decided that we'd go into the kitchen and make ourselves something to eat.

I made us three bowls of cereal and we watched t.v. while we ate. We watched a t.v.
show about AGT for several hours until Solar stated, "I am so bored. Do either of you wanna go outside and play in the rain?"

Thorn nodded his head yes and before l could respond Solar lead me outside by the hand. We made splash water on each other. Thorn ganged up on me as Solar tackled me to the ground. I didn't mind too much because he was on top of me looking into my eyes. I was about to lean up and kiss him when Thorn stated, "I'm cold--and soaked,wanna go back inside? I could make us some of my famous hot chocolate."

We got up and went back into the house. We took turns to bath and got down to the kitchen.
Solar explained, "His hot chocolate is just chocolate milk that he puts in the microwave" We laughed and went back inside.

We spent what little time we had left drinking hot chocolate and talking with each other. Dad had arrived early and we had to take Solar and Thorn home. When we arrived at their house I walked Solar and Thorn to the door. I gave Solar a goodbye kiss as Thorn went inside. I told him, "If you ever need somebody to talk to, or a place to crash I'll always be here for you no matter what."

Solar hugged me and responded in a soft voice, "I know that I've said this like a million
times already, but thank you for everything that you've done for me, Thundy. I don't know what l'd do without you."

I replied softly, "Everything's going to be okay. I've said it a million times also, but l'll always be here for you no matter what, you're my whole world." I watched as Solar entered his house and gently shut the door.

I slowly walked back to the car and couldn't shake the feeling that he was still somehow in danger as dad drove us home. I didn't say a single word to dad on the way home. I was too lost in thought to form a single word. When we arrived I went to bed and fell asleep. I was exhausted after the long and eventful day.

 I got a call around 12:45 from Solar's number. I answered in a tired and raspy voice, "Hello?" The voice on the other end wasn't Solar's which worried me. The voice stated, "Thunderstorm, could you get to the hospital? Fang got out of jail and broke into the house again. He hurt Solar pretty bad and we don't know if he'll pull through."

I felt chills run down my spine. I nearly broke down when Solar's father told me the bad news. After the conversation ended, everything else was a blur to me. I tried to find dad, but couldn't. I decided that I would make it to the hospital one way or another.

 I ran almost twenty blocks to the hospital and hoped that it wasn't too late for Solar. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hadn't made it there to be by his side.

I walked into the main entrance of the hospital and found the nearest nurse and he took me to Solar's room. I took one look at Solar and fell to my knees in tears. I grabbed his hand and stated, "I'm here for you, just like I promised.I'llnever leave you no matter what."

Mr. Light Eclipse put a hand on my shoulder and began to explain, "He's in a medically induced coma and he can't see or hear you. All that we can do is expect the worst and hope for the best" I refused to believe what he was saying was the absolute truth, but the voice of reason in
the furthest regions of my mind kept yelling, "You should know that he won't make it. You
might as well give up right now."I pushed those thoughts out of my mind and had a new
thought, "As long as the heart monitor is beeping he's still alive. I know that he 'l pull through this. He's a lot stronger than he looks."

I felt my phone vibrating and answered it. It was dad and he was furious. He yelled,
"When I find you you're grounded for the rest of the school year, no for the rest of your life!"
I responded sharply, "I tried to find you and I couldn't. It's not my fault that Fang beat
Solar within an inch of his life. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my boyfriend:"
I hung up the phone and returned to Solar's bedside.

I whispered, "I know that you can hear me and I need you to come back to me. I can't lose
you. Solar, you mean the world to me. Even though I've known you for about a week I want
to marry you. I don't care what happens to me as long as I have you. Please, come back to me.''

All of a sudden, the heart monitor made a loud and continuous sound as his chest stopped rising. I knew what it meant, but didn't want to admit it. The doctor rushed in and tried to revive him to no avail. The doctor stated aloud, "Time of death approx. 2:45 PM. Cause of death, blunt force trauma and internal bleeding"

I ran out of the room crying. I felt the walls closing in around me and I was short of breath.A nurse seen me curled up in the fetal position rocking back and forth. She came over to me
and told me to take a few deep breaths and explained that I was having a panic attack.
The nurse asked me, "What happened that was bad enough to make you have a panic
attack?"

I couldn't look her in the eyes, but explained the reasoning to the best of my ability, "My boyfriend just died a few moments ago. His ex-boyfriend broke into his house and beat him within an inch of his life. I wish that could have been there to protect him like l said that I would. If I would have been with him he'd still be alive. I should have begged his parents
to let him stay with us for just a little longer. If he would have stayed then he would still be
alive"

The nurse helped me to my feet and tried to speak, but no words came out when she
opened her mouth. She hugged me tightly and let me cry on her shoulder. After a few minutes,
she looked at me and began to speak, "I know it must be hard for you right now, but one day
you'll find love again. You're still young and you have your whole life to find love. l'm sure that
anybody would be lucky to have you as a boyfriend."

Mr. Light Eclipse found where I was at. He lead me out to his car and drove me home. I
was expecting to be in so much trouble when got home. Once I walked through the door it
was like walking into World War ||. 

Dad was fuming and I was upset about Solar and in no mood for him to talk down to me.
All that I wanted was to be left alone so l could morn in peace. However, dad wouldn't
even let me explain my plight. He grounded me untill graduate high school. 

I thought he was being unreasonable considering that my boyfriend had just died not even an hour ago right in front of my eyes as I held his hand tightly. After a little while, I didn't feel mad,
depressed, anxious or like I was in denial. All that I felt was empty inside. I knew that I'd never forgive Fang for doing this to Solar. He ripped Solar away from the few people who
genuinely loved him.

I knew right then and there that Fang would at least be going back to jail for manslaughter. The thought of him rotting in jail and becoming somebody's prison wife made me feel slightly better until I thought, "You know that Solar would want you to forgive  him. He always had the biggest heart and the most compassion of any human. I have to at least try to forgive...Fang..for Simon."

When dad got the news about Solar he barged into my room, looked at me and questioned, "How are you doing?" I looked at him with a smug look and responded in a sharp tone, "How the fuck do you think l'm doing? My boyfriend died right in front of my eyes! There was nothing that I could have done to protect him and it's all my fault. I tried looking for you and you were nowhere to be found so I made a decision to see Solar for what might have been the last time. And guess what, it was the last time that I'd ever be able to see him. If anybody should be getting yelled at it should be you and not me."

Dad got mad at me once again and walked out of the bedroom then slammed the door so hard that it broke one of the hinges. I decided that I was going back to sleep. I didn't need dad treating me like I had done something wrong by seeing my boyfriend for the last time.

The next morning I got a call from Thorn informing me that Solar's funeral would be held on the coming Tuesday. That would give me three days to get ready. I knew that three days would drag on without Solar.I also knew that I had to be strong for my own sakes.

I decided I would try to sleep until that day just to keep from blaming myself more and making myself feel worse than what l already did. The next morning dad woke me up and told me that I had been excused from school for a short period to morn for Solar. I would have to return to school one week after the funeral.

When he left the room I fell asleep and slept for nearly two days straight. When the time came for Solar's funeral wasn't remotely ready to say goodbye for the last time, let alone the very first time. 

I walked to the grave site and waited for the casket to be carefully lowered into the ground. I didn't remember a single word of the eulogy, but I'm sure that it was nice. I couldn't help but wonder if Solar had gone to a better place or if he was just going into the ground.

After the casket had been lowered into the ground and everybody else had left, I slowly walked over to the hole in the ground and tried to jump in to be buried alive with Solar. I tripped and fell and a man walked over to me and helped me to my feet. I walked off and made my way home not wanting to do it in front of anybody.

When l arrived home, I went straight to bed. For the next five days, I only got out of bed
to use the bathroom. I was so depressed that I wanted to sleep my life away. The only person
that l'd ever loved was now gone and nothing could be done to bring him back.

Return to Present Day.

The more that I drifted in and out of a semi-lucid state, the more I wondered if this life was nothing more than a bad dream that I was having, or if it was somebody else's nightmare.I felt something cold and metallic being shoved into my right arm and heard faint talking.

I finally managed to become lucid enough to access my surroundings. I heard somebody
say in a frantic voice with slight relief, "Thank god, I thought we'd lost him for a moment. His
heart rate is barely stable, but it's an improvement. Good call on that adrenaline shot Sanders."

The voice finally took form when I felt a large bump and thought I was falling. The voice
belonged to a short woman with long blonde hair, one green eye, and one gray eye. She tried
to reassure me by saying, "Everything's going to be okay. My name is Lucy and I'm a nurse.
We're taking you to the hospital. You've lost a lot of blood and we don't have enough to do a
transfusion here. Don't worry, you'll be fine. I'll make sure that you get the best treatment available."

I started crying and screaming. I tried to get up and found that my hands had been restrained by thick leather straps covered in blood. The more that I struggled, the more prevalent a fast high pitch beeping sound became. 

I finally calmed down and stated, "Please, just let me die. I've got nothing to live for" The nurse tried to talk to me in a calming voice, but I didn't want to hear her reasoning. I wanted to be dead. I should have been dead.

We arrived at the hospital and the nurse found the closest doctor and gave him a black clipboard. The doctor and another nurse ran over to where the stretcher I was strapped to
and wheeled me into a private room.

The doctor began to speak in a professional accent, "Hi Thunderstorm, I'm Dr. Ice. I'll be your physician while you're here."His mood changed drastically when he started reading my medical chart. He continued, "Do you know why you're here?" I refused to answer, but that didn't stop the doctor from continuing. "Thunderstorm, we have to hold you for a minimum of five days because you attempted suicide. By law, we have to hold you under psychiatric evaluation to make sure you don't try this again. We've got your cuts bandaged up and they might itch for about two or three days. I hope I'm not pushing my boundaries here, but what made you think that suicide was the best option?" 

Before I could chose my words carefully I stated sharply, "My boyfriend Solar was all
that I had to live for. Now that he's gone, I don't want anything to do with life or all of the
people who pretend to give a damn about me." The doctor looked like he'd just seen a
ghost holding an ax in front of him. The doctor excused himself and came back nearly an hour
later after calmed down. 

He asked in a shaky voice, "That person named Solar you were talking about earlier, his name wouldn't happen to be Solar Light Eclipse  would it?" I choked back a tear when he mentioned
Solar's full name. He knew right then that knew him. I stated in-between sobs, "He was more than just my boyfriend...he was my whole world."

"I could lose my job for this, but I think you should know. Solar was my cousin. I thought
I'd seen you somewhere before and now I know where. You tried to jump into his grave after the funeral." He replied.

My demeanor changed slightly and I replied in a more serious voice, "Before it happened, I was thinking of proposing to him.I couldn't stand to be without him." Dr. Ice continued softly,"I know how you feel. It still pisses me off that Fang is still out there and didn't get any kind of a
punishment for killing Solar. I hope one day he'll be brought to justice"

I nodded my head in understanding. I asked in a low and soft voice, "Do you think that if 'd
stayed with Solar or he stayed with me for a few more days when he was murdered that he'd still be here with us and I wouldn't be here?"

The doctor rubbed his chin as he thought about his response. "I think that it's best not to
dwell on what could have been. If we were to dwell on the what if's through the course of life
then we'd all be in the lonny bin. Everybody has something that they regret doing or saying.
Some might be as small as sneezing during dinner and others might be bigger like what you're going through. But you have to take that and use it as fuel to become a stronger person. I
knew Solar very well and I know he wouldn't want anybody to feel bad for him. He always
made sure others were taken care of before his issues were mentioned if they ever were
mentioned at all." He replied in a nearly inaudible voice."

I think I know what you mean. Solar would want me to move on and be happy. I wish that I could, but he was what my world revolved around. He's the one that helped me realize I'm gay,
bullying is more prevalent and how much it will drag you down into an abyss of self-loathing.
It's funny that I stopped him from committing suicide and here I am being locked up for it
myself. If that ain't irony, then nothing is."

The next five days were spent getting some well-deserved sleep. The only times that I got up were to eat, to use the bathroom, to go to group therapy or to get coffee and breakfast in the morning. Even though I spent almost all day sleeping, I never truly rested. Every time closed my eyes all I could see was Solar hooked up to those machines. Once I would see his face the rest of the memories would crash down onto me like a tidal wave.

On the final night of my stay in the hospital, Solar appeared to me in a dream that I'll never forget. I was in a large open area that was consumed by darkness with nothing and nobody around. Solar came walking out of the darkness dressed in all white and embraced me in a tight hug.

I had started crying at the sight of him the remembrance of his gentle touch that felt so unexplainably real. I tried to open my mouth to speak, but Solar put his finger to my lips to
silence me. He looked me in the eyes and proclaimed, "Thunderstorm please, you have to move on for me. I don't want to see you in a place like this. You have far too much love to give to be stuck here. Please move on..for me. I know that you'll find somebody"

I conjured enough ability to speak and exclaimed, "I don't want anybody but you. You were what my whole life revolved around once got to know you. I knew that I felt so much more for you the second day you stayed at my house. I still remember the song that we were
going to do for the midterm exam for music class, I still remember every word you ever said
to me. I'll never forget you, Solar.

Solar looked at me with tears in his eyes and replied in a low but soft voice, "Thunder...I never knew how much I meant to you. If I could come back and be with you I would in less than half a second. Sadly, I can't. But I will always be with you as long as you have the memory of me
and that's something that nobody could ever take away from you. Please move on...for me."

Solar gently wiped away a tear then kissed me on the lips,delicate as ever,before fading into the darkness around me. I was alone yet again. I fell to my knees and started yelling his
name and crying. I refused to believe that he was truly gone or this is my reality I would be
forced to endure for the rest of my days.

Moments later, I faded back into reality. I had an unusual sense of tranquility come over me.
It was apparent to the doctors that I was in a better mental state and I was allowed to leave
with some guidelines for dad and I have  to follow.I was so excited to get to see dad again.I
also had a few stops to make along the way home. 

When dad arrived he picked me up and jokingly stated, "If you try anything like this
again then I'llet them keep you." I failed to see the humor in his statement, but I was still happy to see him nonetheless.

The doctor handed him the release forms and we both signed them. We gave the papers back
to the receptionist and left. I asked dad in a solunm voice, "Could we make a few stops before we head home?" dad didn't want to respond to my question until I began to explain my reasoning. 

"l have to say goodbye to somebody and give my condolences to somebody else." dad knew what I was talking about without me having to go into great detail and agreed. The first stop was to the Light Eclipse's house. I walked up to the door and hesitated before knocking. I was greeted by Thorn who hugged me tightly and guided me into the house with a smile plastered across his face. 

He asked in an ecstatic voice, "How are you, Thunderstorm? I haven't heard from you in ages."
I replied, "I came to talk to you and your family. Are your parents here?" Thorn frowned slightly and said, "Yes, hold on. I'll go and get them." He walked out of the room and brought his parents into the living room. They sat in the chairs adjacent from mine.

I fidgeted around before I began to speak, "I am very sorry about what happened to Solar. I wouldn't wish something like this on my worst enemy. I know that we all miss him deeply and I wanted to come by to offer my condolences. I will always love Solar with all my heart and as long as we keep his memory alive he'll always be with us."

Thorn father got up and I was fearful that I'd struck a nerve with him. He proclaimed in a sympathetic voice as he rested his hand on my shoulder, "You're right Thunderstorm. We're not able to bring him back, and just because he's gone doesn't mean that we don't love him any less. You coming over here and doing this shows that he meant the world to you as well. I would have been proud for Solar to marry you. You treated him like a best friend since the first day you witnessed him being bullied and intervened. In my books, that takes a lot of courage and love."

I was speechless to say the least. After what seemed like a few minutes of us reminiscing and laughing I decided that it was time for me to depart I said my goodbyes and Thorn's mother told me as I was walking out the door, "Don't be a stranger. You're always welcome around here." I said my thanks and goodbyes and got into dad car.

We drove to the cemetery and I felt my body going weak and numb the closer we got. Dad asked, "Do you want me to come with you?" I stated softly, "No, this is something that I have to do on my own." No sooner than I finished speaking, we had arrived. I took a deep breath, got out, and slowly walked to Solar's grave. 

I fell to my knees and wiped the dirt and dust away. I began to speak as if Solar was right in front of me. "Sol, you know that I'll always love you no matter what. And if I could go back in time and change my mistake I would without hesitation...but know that you would want me to move on. It's going to be hard, but 'm going to try for you. You will always be the love of my life and I'll never forget the time that we spent together. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I'm going to move on because I know that's what you'd want me to do. I know you loved to see me happy no matter what and now it's my turn to make you happy. I'll still miss you, but I'm going to try my damnedest to move on. I know one day 'll see you again and I look forward to it. Goodbye for now Solar." I started crying as I walked away.

I got back into the car and dad noticed that 'd been crying. I reassured him, "These aren't tears of sorrow, their tears of relief. I'll never forget him no matter what, but it's time for me to move on." Dave told me, "That's very mature of you Thunder. I'm proud of you." We arrived at home promptly. 

I went inside and told dad that I wanted to listen to some music and take a nap. He handed me my phone and I walked upstairs to my room. I scrolled through my music and found a song called, "Time To Let Go'. That song described my life perfectly.

As the song progressed, I realized that I needed to make one final stop. I thought to myself, "If I do it when dad's asleep and can't stop me. This has to be done." I drifted off into a restless and dreamless sleep.

I was awakened by a knock on my door from dad. He told me that he was going to bed and he'd come and check on me every few hours to make sure that I was okay. I looked at the clock by my bed and thought, "It's only 7:00 and he's going to bed this early? That 's unexpected. I guess that I'll get to do this sooner than l anticipated."

I said goodnight and pretended to go back to sleep. I waited until I heard the unmistakable sound of dad snoring and decided it was now or never. I snuck out of the house and made my
way to the most dreaded area of town. I was nervous at first, but I kept reminding myself that this had to be done. I arrived at my destination which was an old looking house with windows broken out, a missing screen door and lots of graffiti on the outside making it fit in perfectly with the unmaintained lawns and run down houses that were most likely drug dens.

I knocked on the door and was greeted harshly by none other than Fang himself. He looked at me and asked in a sharp tone, "What the hell do you want Lightning?" I looked him in the eyes and stated in a calm but firm tone, "I want to tell you that even though you took the most important person out of my life, I forgive you. I won't harbor any ill feelings towards you, even though you deserve them. I just hope that the guilt of taking another person's life will catch up to you and you'll do the right thing and confess. It's not too late to make things right for everybody. I know you must miss Solar also, but you need to do the right thing and at least apologize to Solar's family for ripping him out of their world."

I turned around and walked off into the night. I felt satisfied with my statement to Fang and smiled the whole way home. I snuck back into the house just in time to get in bed before dad even noticed that l'd been gone.

The next day I woke up late around noon. As I defended the stairs, mom told me the best way
she could without upsetting me that Fang had killed himself around one in the morning. He left a note apologizing to me and Solar's family for the wrong that he'd done. I was sad that he went that far, but oddly relieved that nobody else could be put through the hell he put Solar and his family through.

Back to Reality

I woke up in the middle of the night from the most terrible nightmare that I'd ever had the discomfort of witnessing. I looked next to me and seen Solar's sleeping body. I gave him
a kiss on the forehead and woke him up. Solar asked in a tired voice, "Why'd you wake me up? What time is it anyway?" as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. 

I began to explain my nightmare to him and we both started to cry. Solar hugged me and
whispered in my ear, "Don't worry about a single thing Thunder. I'm here for you and as long
as I live, I always will be. There's not a force on Earth that could stop me from loving you"
I looked him in the eyes and proclaimed, "I love you more than anything in this world I love you more than anything in this world.I don't know what I'd do without you" Solar retorted, "I know that if it wasn't for you I'd be dead and gone so I guess that I owe my life to you. Now, why don't we try to get some sleep?"

I nod my head, yes and we fell asleep again. I knew that everything would be okay and we'd have each other forever and nothing could rip us apart like that. Not even the cold grip of death's crippling hand.

End

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