...aigo, my younger self, although writing about scum male leads, did have a good taste when it comes to their appearances hahahahaha. Sigh, calculating it now, edits excluded, I had almost typed out million words for various novels on my phone. No wonder I suffer from carpal tunnel now. No wonder...
We often fall in love with the most unexpected people at the most unexpected time.
I officially hated Blake today.
Out of all things he could've done to me, he chose the one I utterly despised the most from the deepest parts of my soul—shopping. If I was one type of person, then it's most definitely the one who hated shopping. I could seriously go for years with clothes I had until they grew too small or got destroyed, but buy new ones? That simply didn't sit well with me. Why?
Honestly I don't hate buying things. I hated the process of going in circles. Why must people overcomplicate things and suffer? Is it so bad to just walk in, take things, pay for it and walk out? No! Why must you walk around again and again and torture yourself? I really hated having to walk for hours. I'd take any dress Blake chose for me, but he was even worse than women shopping clothes on sale.
Speaking about the devil . . .
"Nope, nope, nope," Blake continued saying before he turned his sight to the opposite side of the shopping store. "Nah, no, too classy, too revealing, too modern, too red!" He exclaimed the last one with eyes wide open. Indeed, that was the reddest red I saw in my life and I was not exaggerating at all. Even female Santa wouldn't wear it.
"Just pick any, I'm sure it will be alright," I told him for, what felt like, the millionth time today, but he just shooed—yes, without even looking at my poor exhausted self—me away with his hand and continued his search for what would be the dress I was supposed to wear. I didn't even know where we were. I didn't pay much attention to it believing that we wouldn't even stay inside for five minutes, but Blake obviously had another plan.
While he was busy disliking all those dresses in the shop as every woman and worker were swooning and buzzing around him; I decided to go for the first time in my life and join the search. Watching Blake pick out clothes was more exhausting than actually picking them myself.
You know the good old saying: if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.
Rummaging, lifelessly though, through the mass of neatly placed dresses, I came across a wonderful blue gown. It was a blue ombre dress that went from dark blue to sky blue going towards the bottom. Simple, made of kind of like wedding dress material, but I took a liking to it. As its beauty mesmerized me, I decided to try it on.
Maybe it won't be that bad. I was not the worst ugly duckling in the world, though I wasn't the most beautiful one either.
Once I finished putting the dress on, I stepped out of the changing room and turned to see myself in a mirror.
I could pass as a human being.
My aesthetic sense of "what I can't see can't hurt me" told me that I was okay and could fit in a crowd of nicely dressed up people. In any case, my art was about nature, so I only know to judge nature.
But I have never seen myself looking so . . . elegant. Like I was really someone suited for a rich guy like Blake. I twirled around a few times, because I actually felt like a real girl and just couldn't take my eyes away from the mirror.
Perhaps I could go out and buy stuff more often?
"We're taking it," I suddenly heard Blake's voice who appeared behind me from what seemed to be out of nowhere, making me remember my whole Batman reference when I first met Alfred. I couldn't help but chuckle. "And by the way, you look gorgeous. Actually, saying that you look gorgeous would be a complete understatement, you're far more beautiful than it." His casual words once again ignited the blush I fought from showing to him.
No matter what, he was still a handsome guy while I was a single girl with a pair of two perfectly healthy eyes, so I couldn't not be affected by his deeds when he was being so nice.
"Thanks," I mumbled as he kissed my hand before he proceeded to hug me.
This felt . . . strange. Good, but strange. I once again wondered why we were so close, wondering why I didn't mind it.
"Umm, Blake . . ." It was still kind of awkward. I didn't know Blake well enough to become buddies with him. After all, we and the way the two of us met was just to—
"Shh, don't speak or move. You're the first woman I've hugged in a long time . . . after her," he mumbled the last part silently, but I was able to comprehend it. Her? Did he refer to that woman from his laptop background? Was she a girlfriend of his? Did he love her?
I started feeling weird things after I met Blake, and this was one of them. Jealousy. I have never even been in love nor liked someone so I never had to feel that type of jealousy, but now I do.
No. I was just lying to myself.
I was jealous of other people when I saw them have things I didn't, I admit. I was so angry at life, God even, for taking everything from me. I just wanted to be a normal girl, I was angry at other people when I saw them arguing with their families because they seemed like they didn't treasure what they still had. I was so jealous when I saw them carelessly chatting, thinking how I'd give everything just to be in their place one more time? Why was I the one who had to suffer? Why couldn't that be any of them instead?
Grief works like that. We wonder what we could've done to change it, we ask ourselves: had we done something differently, would we get a different outcome? We see what we could have had in others, and it eats us from the inside. We want to think so.
No, we prefer to grieve instead of having it easier.
Easier? Ha, it's not even that. We just want to mask our pain with numbness, and that's precisely what grief leads to. Nothing more, nothing less. Just a silent and slow death of our broken selves and an ego that refuses to bend to that outcome.
As for Blake, he'd always manage to awaken something deep inside of me, be those good or bad things. Things that made me take a deep breath and start thinking again. There was no running from him, just when I came to think that I managed to escape from him, he was already right behind me.
And now, I began to think that I was falling for him. But I couldn't, I absolutely couldn't.
For that kind of one-sided love would only hurt me or even worse, he could toy with my feelings and I didn't want to face that. As I was too preoccupied with my thoughts, I felt his hand on my back gently undoing the zipper of my dress.
"There, now go and change, there's so much more to search for." He gently guided me back towards the changing room. I pushed all my thoughts from earlier away, realizing just how silly I seemed.
Don't think about it. Don't think about it.
Don't.
"What?" I asked confused as I blinked a few times. Our first meeting left a scar on my heart that was yet to heal, I didn't know how to deal with the things he now made me feel.
So don't think about it. Forget.
"Weren't we here just for this dress?" I asked myself if I could get a grip on myself.
"You didn't really think that one dress could solve it all? Sweetheart, it's a family dinner, you'll meet my grandpa so you'll have to be nice and dandy," Blake replied with a grin as I watched him, terrified. He couldn't be serious. No, seriousness aside, did he just use that weird "dandy" word? Mister businessman and serious? No, that wasn't the problem either.
"Wh-why? What? When?" He didn't say anything about that.
"Remember that party for Christmas tonight? The bad news is that it is going to be in Blackburn's old residence where my granddad is," he informed me with that please-don't-say-no-because-even-I-can't-get-away look that I almost pitied him. Was his relationship with family just as bad as Melissa's?
"Ayden's suit is already prepared, you're the only one that's left."
Wait, Ade got a suit? How come I was the only unprepared one for this? Right, I was not really interested in socializing and planning things. I have that annoying habit of mine to simply shut myself off from the world when surrounded by people I don't know.
"Ade?"
"Yes, we bought him a suit for tonight, he's part of our family now, so he has to go as well. Besides, Amy is coming too, so it was easy for him to decide if he wanted to tag along," Blake chuckled and I joined him, wanting to kick him for this sudden surprise. "But do I really have to go through all this shopping?" I pouted and he nodded. Without even a second of hesitation. The devil!
Just as I was about to try and say something to get away from all the torture shopping would have brought along, my stomach literally made a growling sound showing yet another problem I've been trying to hide for a while. More like never planning it, since I thought we'd be done faster.
I was hungry.
And I had a feeling that the baby was definitely going to like food a lot.
"Hey there little one, are you hungry?" Blake said suddenly going down on one knee and patting my belly. I blushed as an elderly couple passed by, overhearing their conversation.
"Oh, John, just look how cute they are, she must be pregnant! Why didn't you ever get down on your knees for me when I was pregnant?" The elderly woman asked jokingly and the husband groaned.
"I got on my knees once when I asked for your hand, shouldn't that be enough for you, Elizabeth?"
"Well. That's something else." I lost track of their conversation when I noticed Blake's face in front of mine. Our lips were so close; could it be he wanted to kiss me? I felt his warm minty breath on my lips as I slowly began to lose my sense wanting nothing else but to touch them. It's as if he was enchanting me, so silently yet so powerfully, and I willingly let my head lean in.
Was I ready for this? Is this . . .
Close. His face was so close to mine that only less than an inch separated our lips from touching. Kiss him.
I threw away all radical thought and obeyed only that one thought in my mind. I was definitely kissing him no matter the consequences.
"What the heck!" I yelled once his hand harshly flickered my forehead, again.
"Will you stop zoning out at least once in your entire life?" And with that, he scowled at me once again. "Hurry up and get changed. I'll have Mel choose the rest of your necessities, we're off to eat." He closed the doors of my changing cabinet, leaving me alone. I just couldn't believe that I almost kissed that primitive idiot!
Moreover, he just acted like none of it happened. Didn't he notice the tension between, or was it just my mind playing games with me? Why did I even bother?
There's no way he'd ever love me. What was there to love anyway? Why was I even feeling something?
Stupid Blake!
Blake being Blake chose a classy restaurant as I could only sigh while giving him a hidden glare for bringing me to the place like this. Not only did I not know how to act like a lady, but I also most definitely didn't look like one in those oversized clothes I didn't bother changing when we left the house. Did I forget to mention that everyone around looked like they just got from the red carpet in all those suits and dresses? Except for Blake who was wearing a casual black leather jacket, white shirt and black jeans but somehow still managed to look like a boss.
I wonder if it's natural or he got that look over time.
"Table for two, please," he said as the woman working there fixed her chests and flipped her hair, while desperately trying to grab his attention. I didn't even bother complaining or trying to say something, he was not mine, more or less. He, on the other hand, seemed unfazed by her actions before grabbing my hand and pulling me with him towards our table. He was a good looking guy of high social status. I don't know why women wouldn't be interested in him. He looked like a good chance. And as for me? I probably looked like his younger rebellious sister? What did I even like about him, except for making me feel alive?
But it wasn't something I should think about. It's Blake, and I didn't even know him that well to think like this. Was I just blindly jumping to conclusions that I liked him and was falling for him? I was never in love, I said it myself. How could I be so sure that it wasn't just some stupid momentary feeling I have now?
I was just eighteen. What the hell did I even know about love?
As we were walking, I decided to start some conversation, the questions about my feelings driving me insane. I was willing to say anything just to get my mind off them.
"So,"—I coughed intentionally—"you're using me to escape from that woman? That's so mean," I joked and he grinned. Here came the playful Blake full of comebacks I liked.
"You're not just a pretty image, you know. You can be a useful weapon when needed." His reply made me chuckle.
"Such a gentleman as always, I see." I enjoyed our times like these, when I could talk with him relaxed, when I could joke with him. Conversations with him were nothing like those I had while talking with Ryan, Stacy or Mel. I'd lose myself in conversations with them but with Blake, I enjoyed every single moment. I remembered every single word.
"I already told you that I'm a gentleman only whe—"
"Excuse me, but I see tons of ladies here, so that's not a valid excuse you have there!" I chuckled. Not this time.
"You're the only girl around I see in my eyes, there are no others," he said, finally making me blush. How did we end up like that? One minute he's been really nice and fun, then the next he'd become an ass, then go back to being nice again. He was going to give me an emotional whiplash. It's like he was the one being pregnant! Or was it just my inability to judge his emotions because of my own pregnancy?
"Here you go," he moved my chair back, allowing me to sit.
"And so the long lost chivalry is back, what took you so long?" He then laughed. It wasn't one of his chuckles, mischievous grins, or even smirks. It was a real wholehearted, genuine laugh; a laugh I've never heard from Blake before.
Damn, this was also pretty handsome.
I felt like I shot myself in the leg.
"Why, oh kind-hearted girl, you really know how to make me feel better." He looked over the menu. "I have a feeling that tonight's going to be a great night."
"And I know that it's going to be a disaster," I mumbled and he chuckled.
"Don't be such a pessimist, you'll die too young that way. If I were like you, I'd have probably become a lawyer myself. Or an engineer," he threw back as I groaned wanting to go back to sleep already. Call me lazy, but I wasn't really thrilled about the fact that my night was going to end up in ruins before I got my happily ever after.
"I'm not a pessimist, I'm just stating the truth I can bet on with my own life to actually happen," I said, he only shook his head. It's in his opinion that everything will end well, just like when he proposed to me.
Some proposal, that was.
"My, my, who am I about to marry?" he sighed, making me roll my eyes. Now you see what I've been feeling for the last few days.
"Hey, that's my line to say!" I hit his arm jokingly across the table.
"We are supposed to share everything in marriage, remember?"
"We're not married yet, remember?" I mocked him with his own words. That made him frown before he seemed like something clicked in his mind and I braced myself for his next words.
"Well then, I decided. I am marrying you in one month."
I'm pretty sure that my mouth dropped to the floor.
"You're going to regret those words you just said," he said, showing me his tongue. Did he jus—
"Now, shall we order?" he asked as I shook my head in disbelief.
"Do I have a say?"
"You don't agree with the date?" Blake frowned, raising his eyebrow and I started wondering if this guy even knew a single thing about relationships at all.
"Date? Oh right, we never had a date!" I slapped the table, attracting a few eyes. I completely forgot his question as I came to realize that I was going to marry without going on a single date for my entire life.
Holy . . .
"Okay," he frowned again. Was the only thing his face could do frown? "Then I'll take you to one, in a few days. After the new year, if that's okay with you," he proposed and I nodded.
I just wanted a single date. I don't want to use imagination because of my own inexperience when our kid asks for advice for a date.
"Blake, is that you?" Some guy that was coming closer to us asked and wanting to avoid attention for as much as possible, I took the menu for myself before trying to comprehend a single French word in it. But then I saw the prices. Prices that had way too many zeros to be good.
"I haven't seen or since the project in London, Michael," Blake replied, curtly and shortly going back to his business self and I almost glared at him. I was having fun with not-so-often-playful Blake.
But boy was that other guy persistent to know me.
So when we finally finished going through the "meeting" and "go away" routine, I was so tired that I almost fell asleep on the way home.
"I can't do this," I said while Blake played with my hair and smiled without a single care in the world. Why was he so calm? How could he be so calm? We were going towards our demise!
"Yes you can, just relax and be yourself," he replied. Myself? They'd faint from that! Get heart attacks! Especially if they were all classy and demanding like he was.
It was already half past seven and we were supposed to be there at eight, but with me knowing nothing about make-up, a problem arose that made us late with preparations. The worst thing was that I just finished bathing and I was in nothing but a towel in front of Blake who didn't really care. I was so mortified that I didn't even bother to fix my hair. Yeah, I'm a cavewoman, deal with it.
He had already finished on his side and I had to admit that I'd give him 10/10 for that look he managed to pull out. Black color really suited the color of his deep, sky blue eyes. And what really threw me off was when he started fixing my hair before Mel arrived to work on my make-up. Let's just say that she was even more horrified when she heard how behind I was with preparations.
Preparations, heh.
This girl can proudly say that she has no idea what the heck was that word even.
"There, all done. When we were younger, Ma-Mel always asked me to do a lot of her hairstyles so I became good at this. Now hurry up and put your dress on before I do something I may regret." With these words, he patted my head and left the room. Hot, yes, but he was also scary as hell and a total ass sometimes. That black suit didn't do anything but only make him feel more distant from me, like we were on completely parallel lines. I had a feeling like I was playing with fire far out of my level and that I was going to get burnt once everything ended.
Seeing as he left, I decided to put my dress on. When I finished, I decided to look at the mirror and I was stunned with what I saw. Blake curled my hair and tied it to one side with a blue shiny butterfly that was perfectly matching my dress. But where did he find it? And when?
"Here I am, time to . . . Oh my gosh!" It was Melissa that suddenly stormed in through the doors, always the one with the dramatic entrance as usual. "You look like a queen! Well, you will once I'm done with you," and with that she dragged me back on the bed and started her magic on my face.
What did I get myself into?
Half an hour later, we heard a knock on the door.
"Hurry up or we'll be late- no, we're late already! It's eight," I heard him say.
That one was my bad, really.
"We're almost there," Mel yelled back and then she asked me.
"So that date a month ago, it was with Blake?" She asked and I nodded, defeated. I couldn't really tell her what happened, so I'll go along with the date. Something seemed to click in her head, but she quickly covered it with a smile and said, "We're done."
I didn't have time to check myself since she immediately ushered me through the doors into Blake who luckily caught me before we fell. This gave Mel an opportunity to escape leaving us both alone.
"Are you all right?" he asked and I nodded before moving my head from his chest. Rising my head to face him, I found him staring at me, and I was about to say something to break the tension.
He was faster this time, though.
He didn't give me time to understand what was going on as he suddenly grabbed my back with one hand pulling me closer to him while his other hand found its way behind my head.
And then it happened. His lips gently pressed against mine as he lowered his head while his eyes closed leaving me to just stand there, too stunned to move.
A Christmas kiss. But not any kiss. My first. Innocent kiss.
Time that had stopped for me finally started to move again. I wanted to run from reality, yet Blake would always walk side to side with me. Wherever I went, he would always be there to catch me.
Although I wasn't sure if what I felt towards him was love, I was sure that it was him who made me feel alive. And before I realized it, he had become someone I didn't want to lose.