love??......... What is love. In my opinion love is a vastly misnderstood concept, i mean it could mean different things
2 broken teens you can say fell in love they dated they had their firsts together, although it wasn't first for jj he already had his first kiss, he already held hands and cuddled someone, hell he even had sex.
but for Y/n she never had her first kiss never held hands, not even held hands
so when she did all her firsts with jj she savored every moment
what can you say she was a hope for romance, you would see her reading twilight or any love book maybe the classics of pride and prejudence or romeo and juliet
anything she loved she wanted those hopeless romantic scenarios where you go to a creek in the middle of the woods, the sunlight coming out of one spot and shining on the creek the pond reflecting the light off their skin, she wanted for her soulmate to throw pebbles explaining his deepest darkest secrets because he trusted her. or dancing in the rain like those cliches, or what about getting trapped in the schools library with the loner but hot mysterious boy. maybe when the class clown makes a joke and the whole class starts laughing their butts off but he he just stares at you, not in a creepy way but more of a loving gesture.
but you can only dream
see jj wasn't like that, yes he would do everything he can to make you happy he would bring you on late night adventures, or going on night surfs and then splashing water at each other with just you two nobody else stopping you, then the famous kiss would happen in the water. can you imagine it, because i certaintly can
but the truth was he was broken he didn't like the three words "i love you" because he thought that you were going to explain a whole speech on how you would be there for him and take care of him but wanted to break up.
so he never said it for that reason but y/n thought differently
see a relationship is about communication like how you would play video game or a sport with a friend you have to communicate on how to defeat the opponent.
so they lay there quiet and their minds racing with thoughts that they didn't think were possible
"hey j"
he sits up bringing her up to his chest
"wha-" she stops she can figure out a whole essay in her head but can't confront her boyfriend why he doesn't love her she breathes in and out
"why don't you love me" she blurts out to fast he can only read "love"
"what" he questions again
"jj" she huffs standing up the fast movement making her dizzy
"why haven't you said i love you yet its been 9 months"
he knew where she was going with this
she wanted to know why he doesn't say it because granted he never told her about his home life he would make up excuses saying he was a klutz or that the kooks got a good right hook in but never told her what his dad does to him because he wanted to "protect her"
truth is he didn't want her to look at him differently like he was weak that his dad beats him because he fell head over heels for this girl not the other way around
"because i'm not ready" he says
"look it's okay if you don't love me but i wanted to say it because i feel like their is this hole, something your not telling me" she stops letting her mind take over of the worst possibilities that there was
"are you cheating on me" she whispers but loud enough for him to hear
with that statement he jumps off the bed grabbing her face gently he swore on everything that he would not lay a hand on her. Yes she has had boyfriends in the past who wanted to have the first kiss but she wasn't ready so they manipulated her, abused her. so how can she tell him the exact same thing she went through, because certaintly she would understand what it felt like to love someone and they left you, betray it was called
" no no no no i would never cheat on you but there has been something i have been keeping from you mostly because i didn't want you to look at me differently, something big"
she looks at him, heart broken a big secret has been kept from her and she knows for sure the whole crew knew but why not her, was she not good enough no he didn't trust her that's what.
"but why keep it from me jay i told you about my past you can trust me"
jj grabs the roots of his head just tell her he keeps telling himself
"because y/n i don't want you to think of me as weak pathetic"
why in hell would y/n ever think of jj maybank as weak he was the best thing that has happened in her life besides her friends and family.
"why would i think of you my boyfriend pathetic"
"BECAUSE" oh boy there it goes the yelling he didn't want to get this far into an argument but what choice did he have to say the three words and lie to her? no because she can read people well that's why she could tell he was hiding something, something really big.
"because why" she snaps
"you want to know why"
"yes that was the start of this argument in the first place you not telling me" she points her finger at his chest
they both at this point tears streaming down their faces
"because my dad abuses me, my mom left, i owe $25,000 in restitution, or that when i think of that specific i think you are going to leave me not come back, come up with a good ass excuse on why we should break up, because the truth is i do love you so fucking much but i can't i can't lose you and i can't say that word"
"JJ!"
he stops
she envelopes him into a hug
"you just did"
she whispers
he breathes the tears blocking his vision
"you just did" she repeats