Jay'Shawn Lawson, NJ📍
It's been two days since Ashanti and I have gotten the condo. Her baby shower is in a few days. We just have to finish up the registry list.
"Aight ma. Two more things." I said with the pad in my hand.
We were in the living room sitting on the couch.
"I don't know for real. Oh! Bibs and pacifiers ."
I wrote the last of them on the list and went to give it to Jo'nae.
"Ima start getting the boxes bae."
I went back up stairs to get the boxes out of our rooms. We had already started boxing up our things to take it to the new house. We haven't got much furniture yet but we decided that we would order it instead of getting it ourselves since it would be less of a problem.
I went in loaded the boxes into my car and shut the trunk. I went back in the house to get Ashanti's keys so I can put more boxes in there.
"Bae, lemme get you car ke-, what's wrong?" Her foot was tapping fast and her face was turning red. "Bae what's wrong wit you?" I said approaching her.
She showed me her phone and it was a video. Some type of TikTok that Nicole made. It had a picture of her and Jo'nae. I turned up the phone to hear the song that was playing.
"Still love for you tho,
But BITCH I'm bouta get on yo ass
Chi gotta potty mouth,
you wanna talk shit bitch let's talk bout to body count
You stink throw ya body out,
Tryna hang with the kid I'm the life of the party now
Ya lil sista look up to me,
Bitch you can't rap and you really not touchin me
Just like a virgin lil bitch can not fuck wit me.
And I ain't never been pussy bitch you know wassup wit me."
She pointed up at Ashanti in the photo and laughed.
Why this bitch wanna pop shit
We was jus cool now this bitch wanna act like a opp bitch
Oh she mad she can't stop shit
Sayin my breathe stink cuz Im spittin that hot shit
Quit all that barking lil bitch and come bite me
Bitches got beef but they don't wanna fight me
Turnt to my music but swear they don't like me
You got my number hoe facetime, skype me."
I looked up at Ashanti and she was pissed! I swiped out the video and put her phone in my back pocket.
"Don't let that stress you out bae. She jus talkin." I said crouching in front of her.
"I jus wanna know, who bark but don't bite? Cuz I could've sworn we don beat they ass already. And why is she even talkin about me anyway? I ain't do nun to that damn girl."
"Rachel prolly put some shit in her head. Don't let it bother you ma."
"Has Jo'nae seen it?" She said to me.
"Nah, no way if she had we would know!" She laughed and looked back at her room door.
"You right. Give me back my phone!" She said with her hand out.
"No. You not gettin that. Every time you get it, it's something!" She punched me hard asl in the arm. That lil one is strong asf!
"Aight damn! here!" I said giving her back her phone.
She laughed and reached for me to help her up. After I helped her she went to get her keys and handed them to me.
I finished packing up our stuff in the cars. I got in mine while she got in hers and we drove off to the condo. I got up to the condo and pulled into the garage when I got a call from Ashanti.
Ma❤️...
connecting...
Bae.
Yea, wassup?
Your car look funny when it drive.
You tryna say my car look like shit?
Yea, some what. She said laughing
Girl get out my phone and let's go.
I hung up and got out the car waiting for Ashanti. She pulled in right behind me and got out. I started taking boxes up to the condo.
"Jay!" Ashanti yelled from the stairs. I dropped the box and ran over to her.
"What, What happened?"
"Nothing, I just wanted to go upstairs help me." She said grabbing my hand.
I helped her up the stairs and she walked around holding her stomach.
"You okay?" I asked
"Yea. Go ahead and get the rest. I'm good up here."
"You sure?" She nodded and I headed back downstairs once I was done I went back upstairs to Ashanti.
She was sitting at the window looking outside like a little kid. I sat next to her and leaned her on to me.
"Whatchu doin ma?" I said stroking her hair. She didn't answer. Her breathing was slow and she was still. I looked down at her face and she was asleep.
How the fuck.
I looked down at her and kissed her cheek. I took off my hoodie and laid it on the floor before I placed her head on it. I went down stairs and started to unpack. I first unpacked pillows and blankets. I made Ashanti a little pallet on the floor upstairs before putting her on it. Then I started unpacking our clothes that go on hangers everything else I left because we need drawers for that.
"You always tiring mommy out." I said to the baby as I laid on the pallet. "We can't wait to see you peanut. Mommy been waitin and so have I. Ya auntie and uncle needa get they shit together before they meet you though. And ya grandmas."
That made me think, Ashanti doesn't know my mom and I don't know hers. We just know OF them. I never talk about my mom a lot. She showed me so much love growing up. She would go out of her way for me. Once I moved out and moved in with Jo'nae we just drifted. She doesn't know about Ashanti or the baby. But she should. That's her grandchild.
I got up and walked down the stairs. To the kitchen. I leaned on the island while scrolled my phone to find my mom's number.
Aaliyah.
connecting...
Hello.
Mom?
Jay Jay? Oh my gosh Jay Jay!
Yea. Mom it's me.
I never thought I'll hear from my baby boy again. I miss you so much.
I looked down at the floor and memories started to flow. I remember my mom picking me up from school. I remember when she would hide me from my dad. She would protect me with her life. I remember her staying up late at night to make sure I was okay when she was hurting her damn self. But most of all I remember the fights, and the bruises. I remember bandaging my mom. And I remember the last time we spoke.
Mom, there's someone you need to meet. And someone you need to know about.
Okay. What's wrong honey?
I have a girlfriend mom.
Awe, what's her name?
Ashanti.
What a lovely name. When can I meet Ashanti?
As soon as possible. But there's something else you need to know.
What is it baby?
She's pregnant mom. You're going to be a grandma.
I could hear her start crying on the other end of the phone .
Why are you crying?
I- I'm sorry baby. I just feel like shit. I should've been there for you. I hate to find out I'm going to be a grandmother like this.
The day I moved out my house I can honestly say was the worst day of my life.
Flashback
I woke up to a scream and the sound of broken glass. I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs.
"Ma!" I yelled running towards her. My father had a handful of her hair and was dragging her throughout the living room.
"Back the fuck up before I beat yo ass lil boy."
"Let go of her!" I yelled back trying to get her loose. He pushed me back forcefully causing me to stumble a little and he punched my mom in the face again.
I saw blood dripping from her face and that made the blood in my body boil. I got up and punched my father in the face repeatedly until he let go of my moms hair. I grabbed my mom and dragged her to the bathroom by her arms. I shut the door and locked it before going by her side.
"Keep your head back momma." I said to her while I searched the cabinets for the first aid kit. Her nose was bleeding, her lip was busted and she had a scar on her forehead.
I took out the first aid kit and opened it up. I started bandaging her wounds.
"I need to get you help mom." I ran upstairs grabbed my phone and ran back downstairs, locking the bathroom back before my father could catch me.
I sat next to my mom on the floor and started to dial 9-1-1.
"S-stop." She said to me putting her hand on my hand.
"What do you mean stop?"
"Please, jay jay. I love him."
"Ma, what the fuck do you mean you love him? He keeps putting his hands on you! No man that puts his hands on you loves you."
"You don't understand."
"What is it that I don't understand ma?"
"He just needs time to change."
"He's not going to! He's not! He puts his hands on you and you allow him back into your life every single time. You're making him feel like what he is doing is okay! You enjoying this shit?" I said looking over at her.
"I'm his wif-"
"Your his punching bag." I said cutting her off. She glared at me.
"You're not going to sit her and disrespect me." She said getting up and sitting on the toilet seat. I got up and walked towards the door.
" Jay'shawn Lawson! Don't walk away from me while i'm talking to you. I will take you out this world just as fast I put you in it." I turned towards her and leaned against the wall.
"You need to respect my decision. If I choose to stay. I stay. If I choose to leave I leave."
"Are you crazy? You have a chance to leave. Ma. He's hurting you and it's starting to hurt me! You don't see it though. After every fight who's here to aid? Who's here to clean up? Who's here for you to lean on? Who's here to help make you feel better? ME! But you continue to go back to the problem. You're a grown ass woman so i'm not even gon trip. I'm done. And I'm out."
I opened the bathroom door and walked up to my room. I stuffed bags after bags of clothes and put them in my car before driving away. Leaving my mom and her "mistakes" behind.
Flashback over
that's history. i'm past it. I'm not mad at you anymore. All I want you to do is met Ashanti and get to know her before the baby comes into the world.
Where would you like to meet?
Pancheros at 5 tomorrow.
Okay, I'll be there .
Alright, I have to go now mom.
Okay , I love you jay jay.
I love you too.
I hung up an put the phone down on the table. I wiped my face before looking up at Ashanti coming down the stairs.
"What's wrong baby?"
"Come here ma." I said waving her over. I grabbed her and helped her sit on the counter in front of me.
"Remember Aaliyah I told you about?" She nodded her head.
"Your mom?"
"Yea.
"What about her?"
"We're going to meet up with her tomorrow."
"Really?!" She said with excitement. I laughed.
"Yes." I looked away and took a deep breathe.
"What's wrong? You acting like you don't want to go."
"I do. But I'm nervous. I ain't seen my moms since I was 18."
"I know how you feel. It's time for you to see your mom again. You guys need to rebuild your bond. I want our child to grow up knowing at least one of his grandmas." She grabbed my face to meet hers. "She still loves you. A mother's love will always last no matter how long you don't talk or how far you could be from each other."
I kissed her nose and smiled.
"Where we meeting?" She asked as we sat in the floor in the living room to unpack the rest of the boxes.
"Pancheros. At 5pm." She danced in her place. I laughed and started to rip open the box that had our shoes in it.
We unpacked everything. A majority of the stuff stayed downstairs until we get funiture. The rest was neatly put into the closet. The sun had just went down and it's only 6:50. I hate winter in NJ. The days are always shorter.
"You hungry ma?" I asked Ashanti as she walked back in the room.
"Yea. Can we get chinese?"
"Ight lemme order and you can look online to get some furniture." I kissed her before grabbing my phone and ordering our usual.
We searched online for the furniture we wanted. We found the funiture pretty quick thanks to Ashanti. She's a picky person but she knows what she wants and that's attractive to me. The door bell rang and I went and got it, paid the man, and came back upstairs to Ashanti. I walked back in the room and she wasn't there.
"Bae, where you at?" I said placing the food on the pallet. I walked in the bathroom and she was in the mirror looking at her bump.
I walked over to her and sat in the counter. I looked over at her and she looked like she was going to cry.
"Whats wrong mama." As soon as I said that she started crying. I pulled her to me by her arm and she laid her head in my chest. I didn't know what was going on. It's prolly just hormones but I rubbed her back and held her till she felt like talkin.
"You wanna talk?" I said lifting up her head up. I moved the hair from her face and wiped her tears away.
"I-It's just that we're growing together. We're starting a family and you have your mom. But I don't have mine." She said between sniffles. "It's just sad at this point like. She didn't have not one damn excuse as to why she couldn't step up as mother. She don't even know how bad it affects her child."
I knew not to talk about the situation. I can't relate to it. I love Ashanti and I hate seeing her cry or sad for any reason whether it's my fault or not. Out of anyone she deserves to be happy.
I rubbed her back as she calmed down.
"It's okay to cry. Let it out. You've been holding it in." I said to her.
"How am I going to get her to meet you and the baby?"
"I don't know. Maybe you should try talking to her. When you're both calm. Alright?" I said looking in her eyes. She nodded. I got down from the counter and walked back to the pallet.
We sat and ate as we watched youtube on my laptop. We came across a video of a couple with their toodler. They were going to the store and they let her pick out as many toys as she wanted.
"That's gon be you." Ashanti said pointing to the screen.
"Whatchu mean?"
"Letting the baby get whatever they want that's gon be you. I know it cause you do it to me!"
I laughed and shook my head. A little later we cleaned up the food and went to take showers. I helped Ashanti wash her hair since she acting like she can't wash it herself. She's such a baby sometimes but I love that about her. We laid back on the pallet and talked in the darkness until I heard her light snores.
I love you bae. I told myself as I looked down to her.