Finding Amnesty

Gas Stations

Sweat beaded under my hand on the computer mouse. The cursor hovered over the button, unassuming, blue, and labelled submit. I glanced back up over the page of information, double checking bank accounts and numbers. Finally, almost on a reflex, I held my breath and hit the little button. The screen jumped to a new page. When it had finished loading, the little message in the corner read, payment received.

Payment received.

Payment.

Received.

My heart pounded in my ears as I stood up from the computer, and turned to face Barclay, Mama and Jake, all sat in the living room working on a puzzle. My legs felt weird and tingly, my hand shaking slightly.

"I did it," I said quietly, feeling an anxious laugh bubble up in my throat. Jake whipped his head up.

"You did it?" He said, his eyes lit up. I nodded, and almost choked on a laugh.

"Yeah," I said. Barclay grinned at me, and leaned back in his seat.

"Yeah?" Barclay asked. Mama smiled.

"Yeah," I said. "I did it. It's... I have an apartment in Atlanta." Jake whooped, and leaped over the top of the couch to grab me in a hug. I squeezed back, shutting my eyes tight and letting myself fully realize it. Jake was talking, but I wasn't listening because all I could think was Finally. Thank God, finally.

"...Exciting! Oh my god, can I tell Keith and Hollis? We have to tell everyone at movie night, this is so cool! Dani-" Okay, well now I wasn't thinking that. I put my hands on Jake's shoulders, and held him still while he all but vibrated excitement.

"No, Jake, wait, you can't tell anyone. I haven't... They don't know I'm leaving yet, I wanna tell them when it feels right." Jake froze and stared at me, confusion written all over his face.

"But you gotta tell them," He said, hands fidgeting at his sides. "I thought you already told Hollis,"

"No, I haven't. And you can't either." I said. If Jake told Hollis, Hollis was going to think that I was keeping this from them, and there was a whole thing they had with being kept in the loop. If Jake told anyone, if Mama or Barclay told anyone, then everyone would know. Kepler's a small town, people know your newborn's name before you even tell the doctor.

"Jake," Mama piped in from the couch. She examined a puzzle piece carefully in her hand before setting it down. "This is Dani's news to tell. You know how I feel about small town gossip, and Kepler is a small town. She'll tell everyone when the time is right." Thank God for Mama.

"Thanks Mama," I said. Jake stumbled out of my grasp, looking equal parts hurt and confused.

"Ok," He said finally. "Ok. I can. I can probably keep it a secret."

"Thanks," I said. Jake nodded, and left the room. I sank onto the couch with something between a sigh and a groan. Mama leaned over to squeeze my knee.

"He's just excited,"

"I know," I mumbled. "I thought he'd get it."

"Jake grew up here, he's used to everyone knowing everything," Barcaly reminded me. "Kid probably uses it to his advantage." A long silence stretched on for a few more minutes while Barclay and Mama finished up their puzzle.

"He's gonna miss you," Mama spoke up as she set down one of the last pieces. "Hell, I'm gonna miss you, that's for sure." Barclay nodded in agreement.

"I'm gonna miss you guys too," I said, twisting my hands in my lap and suddenly feeling the anxiety creep up. Had I done the right thing, getting an apartment? Applying for art school? Maybe I should've waited. Or maybe I should just stay here. Barclay shoved my shoulder suddenly.