Life's difficult for true and pure souls like you. You were calm and quiet. You were a thinker who'd rather never say a word than say something without having thoroughly thought everything through. It was hard for you to find friends. However, you desperately wanted to have your place in this cruel world.
To see the best in every human being was your gift; just like it was the beginning of your worst nightmare. You ended up still loving your dad after he had cheated on your Mum and made her leave. Your Mum was the only person that ever believed in you. To you, she was the strongest person on this planet, and you had to promise her to never give up on life. In the end, she was the one that gave up though, because your father made her feel as worthless as one could ever feel.
Not being understood is never easy, especially for a 12 years old girl. Finding friends was hard, talking to your classmates was always pure stress. You were anxious, full of worries, and without anyone to relate to. Everything you ever wanted was to find a friend but you were not good at interacting with people.
There was only you and your Dad. Well, your Dad and his innumerable one-night-stands. He spent his days drunk. He drunk his tea with whiskey, followed by some coffee with liqueur in the afternoon, and at 6 pm, he would've left to go to the pub for some pints. One day, you tried to remember the last time you had seen him sober – well, you couldn't remember.
It was hard for you; you had to grow up quickly which meant managing to cook your dinner, doing your washing, and cleaning the flat. Eventually, you found yourself drawing. It was never meant to be seen by anyone else but you. You enjoyed it from the very beginning. Finally, you found yourself a hobby. Not having friends stopped bothering you for a little while. Whenever you felt sad, you cheered yourself up by casting all your emotions onto paper. And, three years after your Mum's death, for the first time, you, somehow felt like life's worth living.
When you drew, you created your own little universe. You started out by using bright colours and tried to establish a happier place. It didn't take you long to improve. You created places which you've always wanted to visit. It appeared so real that you felt like your room even turned into whatever you were drawing. You drew the seaside and sunshine when you felt like your heart was going to freeze. All of a sudden, the seaside seemed to be in your room as well. Whenever you desperately needed an escape, you drew your favourite place. It was on top of a mountain close to your favourite lake where you've spent nearly every summer vacation when your Mum was still alive. You loved the mountains, and you loved its quietness even more. It gave you peace and new strengths to face the cruel and cold world you sadly lived in.
You somehow gained new strength to manage life. You got up in the mornings, went to school, tried to please everyone, and when you got home, you treated yourself. There were days when you felt like you didn't deserve to spoil yourself with some fun; you didn't deserve any happiness. But luckily, those days were rare. Since you discovered your new comfort zone, slowly, it started to be easier to interact with society.
One day, at the age of 17, you suddenly felt even lonelier than ever before. You missed your Mum. School is particularly hard these days as every one of your classmates is talking about from whom they will be taken to prom. Realising that you're still all alone in this world keeps hitting you harder and harder these days. Will you miss your own prom? Would you dare showing up alone at your prom? You would never find an answer on your own. Your hands were shaking, you just couldn't take it anymore. The more you thought about it, the more you needed to see your Mum. So you sat down and started drawing. You had never done that before, but you couldn't think clearly anymore. Hours must have passed, you were still drawing, when suddenly there was a warm streak of air in the room and your knees started shaking with anxiety as you felt like someone was watching you. Your heart was pounding. You wanted this picture to be real. You took a deep breath, told yourself to be brave for just one second, and turned around. She was there. She was real, breathing, and smiled brightly at me. Slowly you stood up and stepped towards her, still shaking. You were too anxious to come closer, how can this be really happening? She started hugging you, and as she was pulling you closer, you started crying "Mum, I can't do that anymore. I don't know how to face life without you anymore." Suddenly – you didn't quite think you had seen her like that before – her eyes weren't shiny anymore, her smile had somehow disappeared and she let go of you. A cold breath hit you and everything around you turned grey. "Maybe, it's time for you to come with me now," she said clearly. You only had time to catch one last breath before she pulled her knife and stabbed it in your throat. You wanted to scream. You didn't know what was going on. Your life was about to end, wasn't that what you've always wanted?
