Sunflower Crown | account & me

Sunflower Crown & the Future Talk

This story doesn't need to be similar. In fact, it shouldn't be. But it is.

What if that feeling isn't stemming just from the story idea? What if it's stemming from also writing in a universe I've grown older with - and am now growing out of? I already know I'm losing interest in the actual books, but the fanfiction I write?

People have such high expectations of me these days. I love that they do. I think that I've earned enough at this point to be known as someone a little bit more than your average author. I have people adding this book - before a chapter has even been posted, mind you - to their must-read and best books reading lists. I see it. And it makes me happy that people have so much faith in me. It means the world.

I love the fandom. Really, I do. The people and friends I've made on this site connecting through KOTLC are more precious to me than almost everything else. I'm also to 400 followers. 400. That's a lot of people relying on me to pump out quality content. That's a lot of people reading every story, interacting with me. And the number is probably only going to grow larger. The amount of notifications I get in just a day overwhelms me. I dedicated hours of my time to Wattpad, hours of time to my writing.

The KOTLC fandom is my world. A huge part of my life. When I don't interact with people that read my stories, I miss them. I miss comments, I miss the people. This is my world.

Am I really ready to change that? I love meeting new people, and I love my friends that I have. But if I start working on a fanfiction for another fandom, it means at least temporarily ditching writing KOTLC fanfiction.

Wattpad's been only two years. Two and a half? I know, it doesn't seem like it at all. I feel like I've been here forever. I've been doing this forever. I never want this community to go away. This place is like...my very own safe haven. From the world. Doing this is a part of me, and maybe it always will be.

God, if I'm feeling like this now, how am I going to feel when I graduate high school and go to college? If I even have time to write at that point...

I'm heartbroken over the idea of leaving the community.

I think I've been here typing now for what - an hour? Maybe?

This website makes me happy. My readers, the support. I say it too much, but I can never say it enough. Ever. Thank you for the support. I really, really appreciate it. I'm crying a tiny bit right now because this means the world to me and I don't know how to say it. [They're not sad tears, though.] I try to give back. I try to be someone you can talk to. I want you to be someone I talk to.

If you're reading this here and now, please never go away. I love having you here, reading this. Don't ever stop reading what I write, please.

Even though I'm super weirded out by the thought of writing another story and not writing a KOTLC one...I do want to try something new. I want to get out there even more.

Maybe it's smart, maybe it's not, but I want to expand the audience I write to. I want to be talking to all sorts of people. I want to make everyone smile. I want people to highly anticipate things that I write.

If I get published, some day way, way in the future...I want to already have an audience out there that's ready to support me. This way...it's not all for nothing. I've been working, learning, growing for this dream for years. I can't say I've ever dedicated myself so much to anything else. This is my huge dream. I want to kickoff and be able to fly or soar, not struggle to pay my bills or have people read my stories.

I don't deny that I'm ambitious. Maybe I shouldn't be, but I most certainly am. I'm ambitious, I'm determined, and I'm ready to really work at that dream. It's something I've never given up on. I have big plans for my future. Whether they actually become a reality or not is up to me.

Before this site, I was writing warrior cat fanfiction for a year. And then I hit this site. My second chapter in writing. My brand-new era.

I thought I was starting another era when I opened my other account, but now I'm not so sure. I'm starting to think that if that account gets bigger, then it will be my new era. Maybe that's not meant to happen just yet.

Maybe this is it. Maybe this is the new chapter I'm ready to go at.

In a way, I'm at a point where I'm starting a new chapter in my life. It's not just writing. I feel like everything is building on everything.

I'll always be Owl. Owl, at this point, represents more to me than my actual name. I created Owl. She's mine, and mine alone. Nobody else worked hard to achieve the things Owl is, and always will be.

The girl behind the screen? I don't know who she is. I'm still trying to figure that out.

Being who I am and writing keeps me grounded to my dream. It keeps me grounded to whatever's out there that's not reality.

Even if I have no idea who in the world I am, I know what I think I'm meant to be, what I want to be, and that I love who I'm going to be.

There are many things I'm not ready to embrace about going into the publishing world in the future. When people read chapters of the story in my actual book, they can't inline comment and tell me what they think in that exact moment. I might not ever read things that people have wanted to tell me.

That's depressing.

Another point I wanted to touch on (since I just can't shut my mouth at this rate) are my younger readers. I know there are a lot of people I've interacted with that are young as even eleven or twelve. (Wattpad, don't strike me for this if you're reading this - I can't even tell you who the specific people are anymore as I've forgotten. I just know that a lot of my base is younger.) There are a few that are older than me that I know of, but so many that are younger.

What happens when I want to move on and write things that are more mature works? I don't know how many of you guys realize, but I have refrained from cursing and steered clear of a lot of subjects that are much darker simply because I know that I have a lot of younger readers reading my things. I don't curse excessively, but when I put a word in a chapter I know that I can make people uncomfortable, and a lot of times I'd really love to just drop one thing, but I refrain.

They're words, they're meant to help people express themselves. That's how I view it. Even at the top of this long thing I wanted to put I don't know have a damn clue what I'm doing but I hold back because I know that I have younger readers. The only word I do use slightly excessively is hell, but no one seems to mind that.

And that's never going to change.

But I feel like there are a lot of readers growing with me at the same time. If I'm ready for something darker or more serious, are they? Will they be? Do I want them to be? I don't want people going out on a limb and saying 'Oh, Owl wrote something more mature. Even though I'm not of age at all to read this, I'll try anyways because I know it's good writing.' I don't want to be that person for anyone. You guys should stay young and innocent for as long as you can. Childhood is something precious that I would never let go if I could. But I think that I probably already have.

I don't know anymore you guys. It's not that I'm lost, it's just that my head's too busy and my mind's so full of ideas and I don't know what to do with them all.

I'm probably blowing this entire thing slightly out of proportion. It's not even about Sunflower Crown anymore. Perhaps it never was in the first place.

Would you read something written by me that isn't a KOTLC fanfiction? (Whether it be a different fandom, or an original story.)

Would you continuously support me if you could?

I want to be so much more than a small girl in a big world. I want to be someone that makes a difference. Someone that brightens days, makes people stay up to 2 AM reading, and someone that isn't forgotten in the end.

I don't know anymore. I just need...thoughts. I need opinions.

I want to continue growing. For those of you that have been with me for a long time, can you see it? How much I've grown? As a writer and as a person? I hope you can.

As always, thanks for reading. Thanks for the support. Thanks for being here at all. This is my world. It means a lot to me that you decided to be in it.