Wicked Lover

Chapter 1

Neimee's POV

"Stanley, is it really fine if we do it here?  I mean, how about that girl?"

Stanley just give me a glimpse and then continue kissing the girl as if he didn't hear anything.

"But...

Again she protest.

"Just don't mind her, she's nothing"

And with that I quickly left.

Tama, I am nothing for him. For almost five years that we've been together I am still nothing.

I took a deep breathe and then close my eyes. Mabuti pa yung babae, nahiya or should I say nailang sa presence ko, at least she cares. Unlike Stanley, he doesn't really care if I saw him f*ck someone in front of me. Kaya nga kanina hindi man lang sya nag-abala na paalisin ako. Mas gusto nya pa nga siguro ang idea na pinapanood ko sila knowing that it will crashed my heart into tiny pieces.

I immediately lock the door of my room as soon as i step inside. Hindi ko sila makikita dito but it doesn't change the fact na nasasaktan pa rin ako.

We've been married for five years now. Kinasal kami ng dahil sa isang pagkakamali. We were both drunk and out of our righteous minds, then that happened. I got pregnant and we both have no choice but to marry each other. But for me what happened wasn't a mistake. Para sa akin it was destiny's plan nang sa wakas makasama ko na ang lalaking matagal ko ng minamahal.

I remember that time before I walk down the aisle. He came to see me to say something.

He look so mad that time. And got mad even more when he saw me wearing my wedding dress.

"I'm a beast living in my own hell. Kapag tinuloy mo ito you will drag yourself into that hell, I'm giving you this chance to think, huwag kang magkakamali"

Sinabi nya iyon trying to make me change my mind for the last time. But no matter how horrifying those words are hindi pa rin nag-bago ang isip ko. I'm too determined na magbabago din ang lahat kapag ikinasal na kami.

But I guess I was wrong.

Kinasal nga kami pero walang nag-bago. Palagi siyang nag-uuwi ng kung sino-sinong babae. Gabi-gabi I hear their moans and groans of pleasure and those were killing me inside.

Pero kahit na ganun I never complain nor confronted him. Natatakot akong tanungin sya kung bakit nya iyon ginagawa, natatakot ako sa magiging sagot nya.

Because of too much heartaches I felt napabayaan ko ang sarili ko, forgetting that I was not alone that time, my baby is with me.

Nakunan ako but still I didn't blame Stanley. Instead, I blame myself. Kung naging mas malakas at matatag lang sana ako I would have given birth to that child. May pag-asa pa sana na maging isa na kaming masayang pamilya.

Since we lost our child mas naging walang saysay na ang lahat. He do whatever he wants and he doesn't care about me. Asawa ko sya but we've never been in the same bed, I've never had the chance to touched him, hug or kiss him. He doesn't talk to me or even look at me. He treated me as if I were a total stranger or an insignificant object.  I can't use any words to define how hard it has been. So this what hell feels like.

Maya-maya pa I can hear them saying their goodbyes. Hindi naman soundproof ang room kaya malinaw kong naririnig ang lahat.

I walk towards the door and slightly open it to see them. They kiss for the last time and said their farewells.

I smiled bitterly. Ganito pala ang nagma-mahal ng sobra. Para kang may source ng unlimited energy na kahit sobrang hirap na hindi ka pa rin mapagod-pagod. Para kang tinurukan ng libo-libong anestisya na kahit sobrang sakit na hindi mo maramdaman dahil manhid ka.

Suddenly I felt something ran through my eyes. I touch my face only to realize that I started to cry.

Pathetic me. I've been hurt emotionally for a long time. Mas maganda pa nga siguro kong saktan nya na lang ako physically. It doesn't matter anyway because I know that I can ease the pain. I know that wounds and bruises can be cured and someday will fade away. But emotionally, that whats matters the most. The way he broke my heart into pieces is killing me, it feels like I'm dying slowly in pain. There's no medicine that I can take for heartaches. All I can do is silently cry in pain. But whats funny is that I keep on hurting myself trying to fix my heart all over again.

Ni minsan I haven't heard him say sorry for hurting me like this. Ni minsan hindi sya na-konsensya o naaawa man lang. Hindi ko alam kung anong naging kasalanan ko for him to make me suffer like this.

 

Stanley's really a beast. A wicked one. But no matter how wicked he become I just can't help my self from loving him.

I fell asleep ng hindi ko namamalayan, gaya nang dati naka-tulog na naman ako kaka-isip ng mga bagay-bagay. At gaya din ng dati nagising akong umaasa na baka sa araw na ito may mag-bago, na baka ito na ang araw na matagal ko ng hinihintay, na baka ngayong araw na matutupad ang hiling at dasal ko. Wala namang masamang umasa at mag-hintay diba? Lahat naman ng tao ganun.

I decided to forget those thoughts running on my head. I should get up and fixed myself.

I look at myself in the mirror and surely I'm a mess. I shouldn't face Stanley like this.

I did my business and afterwards go to his room. This become my daily routine. I have to go to his room every morning to prepare his clothes for the day. I took a step inside and as expected he wouldn't be there to welcome me. I hear the rush of water coming from the bathroom. Tuwing pumapasok ako dito nasa bathroom na sya. Maybe his avoiding to see me, of course, who would want to see someone who will ruin your day in an early morning? 

I silently do what I have to do. I choose the clothes that would perfectly fit him. Para kahit man lang dito mapansin nya na magaling ako. But I admit that he would still look perfect on whatever  clothes he wear. I carefully place the clothes on his bed and immediately find my way out. I know that he doesn't want to see me kaya bakit pa ako magtatagal?

I walk through the kitchen to prepare for breakfast. I will cook his favorite beef steak. But I'm not expecting anything like 'thanks, that's my favorite' or 'It tastes good' Even the idea oh him smiling at me would be a miracle.

After a half hour bumaba na rin sya fully dressed. He silently eat his breakfast not minding to tell me to eat with him. Ni minsan hindi ako nag-lakas ng loob na sabayan sya sa pagkain, baka kasi mawalan sya ng gana at hindi na kumain. Ayaw ko namang mangyari yun, mas okay na sa akin ang panoorin syang kinakain ang luto ko.

As soon as he finished eating he quickly leave not even saying goodbye.

I just watch him as he left. I sighed. Sino na naman kayang babae ang iuuwi nya ngayong gabi?