The King's War

33. Death

My mouth was dry and I didn't know why I bothered forcing the words out, but they came anyway. "You should've heard the things the rebels said about you. About us. But I never believed it and I never stopped defending you. Not once did I ever allow them to convince me they were right. Then you show up and prove everything they've been saying with one gesture."

"Avery, please..." Nate reached out to touch my hand but I flinched away.

A bitter lump had formed in my throat. "Save it. Just leave me be and go take back your kingdom."

Nate paused, drawing back. When he finally spoke again, he sounded resigned. "Is that how you really feel?"

The hurt in his voice sliced through me in a way I never expected. Part of me wanted to take it back, but what good would it do? Our relationship was already damaged.

A memory flitted to the forefront of my mind and something compelled me to share it. "Remember that evening when you showed up on my doorstep and asked me to take you back?" Nate nodded, his blue-green eyes burning with expectation. I swallowed down the lump in my throat. "You said that you didn't care that I didn't want to be queen, that you just wanted to be with me in whichever way I'd let you."

He nodded solemnly. "I remember."

Sighing, I hugged my knee closer to my chest. "You upheld that promise. You didn't ask me to change, even though I knew you wanted to. Even though it would solve so many of our problems."

"I'd never pressure you like that," he said softly.

"Then I guess I'm a hypocrite because that's exactly what I just did," I replied, forcing back a choked sob.

Nate's fingers brushed my arm and this time I didn't flinch away from his touch. "I can't blame you for how you feel."

"Me neither."

I exhaled deeply and we sat in silence for a long moment. He stroked my arm gently and I tried to pretend I didn't want to collapse into his arms. Finally, I gathered the courage to look at him again.

"Nate, I think this is the end."

His eyes flew wide and his grip on my arm tightened. "You can't mean that."

"I've tried to convince myself that we'll make it, but that's not true. We can't be together unless one of us changes for the other." I sat up straighter and wiped my tears in an effort to compose myself. Nate's eyes bore into mine with the burning intensity, begging me to change my answer, but I couldn't. "If we deny this, we're only delaying the inevitable."

"Avery—"

"You should go now," I said, silencing him. "Leave and don't look back. Don't make this hurt more than it already does."

Pain and bewilderment flickered over his features, then shifted into determination. He stood and for a second I thought he was actually going to do as I asked. Instead, he leaned down and crushed my lips with his.

My traitorous heart leaped at the sensation. Buried feelings of longing and desire threatened to burst through the dam I'd built inside my heart and it took all my strength to hold them back. Right as I readied to pull away from him, he ended the kiss and looked at me with a gleam of fiery resolve in his eyes.

"Nate," I whispered feebly, tears welling in my eyes. "Please..."

He slid his thumb over my tear-stained cheek. "Just give me one more night."

"One night?"

He nodded. "Just one, then I'll do ask you ask. If you truly wish it, you'll never see me again."