me: ok gotta go bye
block later: no! my semester ended and i'm back in malibu for the summer and i really want to hang out with you. can we do dinner?
me: my mom says no
block later: you're 19...
me: she still says no
block later: all right...well, if you refuse to go to dinner with me, i'll just take dinner to you. sound good? great! i'll see you in a bit.
me: i'll call the fucking police
And he didn't respond back. One annoying thing about him was that he never took no for an answer.
I rummaged through my underwear drawer, finding the white and gold box I used to be so familiar with. There was about five sticks just waiting to be sucked into my lungs and the feeling of having the box in my hand again after three or four months made me feel the same way only Ashton could make me feel.
The balcony was a lot lonelier without Ashton giggling and talking up some gibberish with me. The instant I was filled the harmful chemicals I was at ease.
"So, Booger, I bought you, you're favorite..." Booger. I rolled my eyes at the nickname. He settled a plastic food full of steaming contents on the table. "I decided on getting Tex Mex and I remembered you used to be obsessed with flautas."
"How did you get in here?"
"Your mom let me in and told me to just come down to your room...you gonna put that thing out?" He pointed over to the cigarette between my fingers.
"Um, yeah." After I put the stick out, I stuck it in the box, not really feeling like properly disposing of it right now.
"Sit and eat up!" Dick encouraged. "How's life as an actress?"
"Excuse me?"
"I read all of the articles on you and that Ashley kid, the ones that claimed you to be an actress..."
"You mean Ashton..."
"Ashley, Ashton..." He shrugged, slicing a piece of the enchilada he had ordered. "How did you manage to score a rock star?"
"Why does it concern you?"
"I'm just trying to be nice and catch up with you on friendly circumstances. Why aren't you eating?"
"For all I know, you poisoned this food."
"Always thinking the worst about me."
"How can anyone think otherwise?"
"I've changed."
Heard that before. I rubbed my temples, my patience running thin for the day.
"You're incapable of such."
"I swear on my mother's life that I did not poison your food."
"Why are you being nice to me?"
"It may be hard to believe, but I'm a nice person, Talia."
I forgot how much I actually loved flautas because the minute I began eating, I could not stop. I finished the food over light conversation with Dick and the light conversation was making me feel stupid. I had no business talking to him like. He had no business in my house.
"I love this wall...I missed it actually." After we were done eating, we went into my room and Dick went right for my wall full of pictures. I wondered if he noticed that I had taken down all the photos of him and I. He had to notice. "I missed coming over and seeing the new additions."
"I miss us." He spoke after a few minutes of taking in the photos.
"I'm sorry..." This was one of the only moments where I hadn't been truthfully sorry, it felt nice for a change. It was only Dick, after all. He didn't deserve a truthful apology.
"You have nothing to apologize for." He took a seat on the edge of the bed where I was sitting.
"I could have done a lot of things different in our relationship...things that would have guaranteed you wouldn't have done what you did." In some ways I was being honest about that and in other ways I was trying to guilt trip Dick. But as I said those things, I wasn't sure what I could've exactly done different to save our relationship. I always thought I played all my cards correctly. This was all on Dick's behalf.
"You did nothing wrong. Everything you did was right. You were the best girlfriend a teenage dipshit could ask for. It was me who could've done things differently." True.
"Why did you do those things then?" Now I was curious. I was curious to get reasoning out of him, this might've been the only chance I had. I was going to get the answers I had longed for when everything had happened.
"I was falling for you, Talia...I was falling hard for you and I was scared shitless." He was getting closer and closer to me, I was slightly uncomfortable. I stood, pressing my back against the wall as he spoke. I wanted to keep a distance from him in case he tried something stupid. "The deeper I got the more terrified I was and I just did all of these idiotic things because I wasn't ready." He was fiddling with his fingers in his lap, never once moving his eyes from them. "Everyone would always tell us that they could see us getting married and having kids, living the perfect all-american life and it was scary to stop and think that they were right."
Dick was going to become a doctor and I was going to be this big-time designer, both of us based in Los Angeles. That life was a life I looked forward to everyday until I found out what he did.
"If I was given the opportunity to do it over again, I would take it without a second thought. I would let myself fall in love with you more and more everyday and remind you in different ways that I love you so much." He looked up at me, I could see that he was crying. "We would've been engaged by now if I hadn't fucked up."
"Rich..."
"Talia, I'm sorry."
I took the place I was sitting in before, wrapping my arms around him. "It's okay. We all fuck up. Some fuck up's are greater than others, but it's apart of growing up and learning."
"I'm sorry."
"Rich, really, it's fine. I'm over it..." But was I truly over it? It still bothered me every passing day.
I released him from the embrace, his facing inching closer to mine, "I love you, Talia."
"Talia?" I turned my head to Luke, who was standing in my room with Ashton. Ashton looked a mixture of emotions.
I pushed Dick away, jumping to my feet. "Yeah?"
"What's he doing here?" Luke pointed at Dick with one of the angriest looks I had seen this kid pull ever.
"He brought me dinner...we were just talking..."
"Oh yeah? Because it looks like you two were revisiting old times."
"Talia, please tell me I'm dreaming right now." Ashton's bottom lip visibly trembled as he tried to bite back his tears. I knew I hit a soft spot for Ashton when he walked in and saw what he did. I couldn't bring myself to reply, I knew nothing had actually happened but the way Dick was leaning into me, said otherwise. "I'm leaving." And he left without taking a second glance.
"You've hit your lowest of lows, Kozma." Luke chuckled. "You've fucked up beyond belief." And Luke left as well.
so i think i decided to have beau mirchoff play dick. i wanted to put a face to the name.
Dick
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