I Can't Think Without U (Tracy x Kathy)

College Awaits

When we made it back to my place, she helped me put my school stuff away. After she helped me, she gave me a hug and a kiss goodbye. When she left I took my guitar out of my closet and started to play on my bed as I put on the instrumental music of ' I hate you, I love you ' ...

Feeling used
But I'm
Still missing you
And I can't
See the end of this
Just wanna feel your kiss
Against my lips
And now all this time
Is passing by
But I still can't seem to tell you why
It hurts me every time I see you
Realize how much I need you

I sang as I felt tears rolling down my cheeks...

I hate you, I love you
I hate that I love you...
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her ...

All the pain I had was pouring out of me as I kept singing... the I noticed Vanessa standing at the doorway of my room. She, Jade, and Judy had a key to my apartment in case of emergency ...
But I forgot she was coming over with food. She then sat next to me and sang the other verse ...

I miss you when I can't sleep
Or right after coffee
Or right when I can't eat
I miss you in my front seat
Still got sand in my sweaters
From nights we don't remember
Do you miss me like I miss you?
Fucked around and got attached to you...

She sang as she looked me in the eye...

Friends can break your heart too, and
I'm always tired but never of you
If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn't like that shit
I put this real out, but you wouldn't bite that shit
I type a text but then I nevermind that shit
I got these feelings but you never mind that shit
Oh oh, keep it on the low
You're still in love with me but your friends don't know
If u wanted me you would just say so
And if I were you, I would never let me go...

I gave her a cute smile as we sang...

I don't mean no harm
I just miss you on my arm
Wedding bells were just alarms
Caution tape around my heart
You ever wonder what we could have been?
You said you wouldn't and you fucking did
Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix
Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed
Always missing people that I shouldn't be missing
Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance
I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing
But I learned from my dad that it's good to have feelings
When love and trust are gone
I guess this is moving on
Everyone I do right does me wrong
So every lonely night, I sing this song...

The next verse we sang together...

I hate you, I love you
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her ...

All alone I watch you watch her
Like she's the only girl you've ever seen
You don't care you never did
You don't give a damn about me
Yeah all alone I watch you watch her
She's the only thing you've ever seen
How is it you'll never notice
That you are slowly killing me...

The next verse was my part ... Vanessa saw that I was letting all my pain out in this one song.

I hate you, I love you
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her...

I sang the last words as tears streamed down my face... the grabbed the guitar from me hand held me close...
"... I'm here for you Tray... I'm here"
She said as I broke down...
"Why did she hurt me so bad?!" I cried in her shoulder. She knew I was broken and that my healing process was very slow...
"I... don't know why Tracy... all I can tell you is ... life will go on... you will move on... you are a strong woman... trust me I know..." I then lifted my head and nodded my head slowly... she then gave me a cute smile and stuck out her hand.
"C'mon, let's go eat... I'm starving " she said as we both laughed and left my room.

I'm glad I have Vanessa as a close friend... her and the others have been next to me every step of the way of this situation... they are true friends of mine...

They are like my second family... and I love them ... it'll take time to heal, but for right now venting, is key to healing...

Chapter three coming soon my rainbows 🌈🌈🌈 !!!!
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