In All Insanity

5~3~14

5~3~14

11:05 am

In life you are going to love a person that doesn't love you back. It hurts and you might try so hard to get their love but no matter how hard you try you'll never be really what they want. You can't force love and if you need to go out of your way to show your love to people then the person you love doesn't deserve it. Honestly you are worth more than the one you love because what's stopping her from cheating on you when you two are together? People say to give relationships a chance to give the person a chance unless it involves cheating. People still do not understand feeling and emotions. They are fragile things and you know how heartbreaking it is to get the news that you are not what they are looking for like a piece of hardware and they just toss you away. Is this normal, yes it is. You'll love and not be loved back. You'll long and not be longed back. You'll try and break your back for her, swear that you'll die for her. Take on the world by yourself as long as she is by your side and it's still not enough for her or it's not what she "wants". It's true what they say about time, it heals all wounds and trust me, it will take time but the only thing I can tell you is don't ruin it. Don't ruin the good thing you have for her. One day when you look back at this you'll thank yourself for not going after her still. She's in your life, you might think that is amazing but it's actually poisoning you. Why torture yourself with her beauty, so close to you, so real that you can touch it, you crave it and you can't have it. It's true, we want what we can't have but you have to also remember what your worth. If you love someone yes take on the world, take on everything you go because she is fueling your happiness and you truly love her, however you have to stop crossing oceans for people that would even cross a puddle for you. Yes when we are in love we go above and beyond but when you have to actively try and get her attention and she doesn't appreciate it, you have to move on. This is one of those cruel lessons that life throws at us. However don't lose hope. Are you happy yes but even you said a part of you still yearns for her at that is how it is. Honestly what's killing you is that she is still in your life. It will cause more pain than happiness. You are starving and you put a plate of food right next to you but you can't eat it. Why do that to yourself. You starving yourself when you can take action and make yourself happy and trust me this is love but only on your end. When you do actually find love you'll see that love isn't just you doing all the work and her playing her yes and no games. You'll know true love without asking if it is. You'll feel loved and not like this. Always look forward to the future because somewhere out there there's a person wishing they had someone like you. Sadly there's no way to make her love you. Notice how she is the consumer here. She is the one picking up fruit and seeing which one is in her blue print. Who's pretty who's not. Who has this? who has that? One shed of hope of keeping her in your life is maybe one day this girl will think of what she'd done and hurting you would be the first of many more regrets to come. If she doesn't call than it's her fault and it's her loss. You may say it's not that simple but then again it just may be... Do what makes you happy, really think, a friends a lover, all are a positive thing. They are supposed to show you happiness. Not add stress to you life. She is following her blue print. you may or may not be in it. It hurts being someone's back up plan or not what she is looking for. But you have to keep on going and look for what you want. "I want her" but do you? If a person with the same attributes as her showed you true love back you'd go with the loving girl right, Exactly. Don't make this a regret take it as a lesson. Remember, if she cheated on her "girlfriend" a bond that she wanted and she cheated on her what's stopping her from cheating on you. What's stopping her from taking your heart out and just shredding it without consent at how it will affect you. It hurts it truly hurts and will hurt but you have to get used to being uncomfortable sadly. Take it as a lesson, never a regret. And always use the f-word, faith. Have faith not in that maybe one day she'll see how much you did for her but maybe you'll meet someone better. Do you know why it's called falling in love? Because you never really plan it. You never plan to fall. You just do. It comes when you least expect it. Don't force it or plan it. Let it happen but while in between don't forget to enjoy your life so that way when you know you have what you want. You'll appreciate it more.

-Axel