Discussion over my work and requests

Sorry (Vent and Explanation)

Hello everyone. I'm sorry about not doing anything for so long but I'm here to tell you why. I'm sorry to any of my friends that see this, I know some of you will see this but I just really need to get everything off my chest. A little bit back, I was diagnosed with severe depression, high social anxiety, SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder), and minor autism. The autism was most recent but doesn't hurt me much thankfully, but it does make it harder to communicate and understand how people are feeling because I can't look at them, except for the people I'm closest to. Even with them though, I find it hard to make eye contact for long periods of time. I know it's probably normal or something to feel that way so sorry. SPD is tougher, I can't wear normal clothes like other people. My clothes have to be big and baggy, I can only wear cotton clothing, T-shirts or long-sleeved shirts, and pants with high socks. I get made fun of every now and again because of it and that tends to trigger my depression and social anxiety. I never feel good enough, I'm almost always crying, I seclude myself from my family and friends, etc. It hurts me a lot when I'm like this. I'm not necessarily suicidal but I used to be. I've never cut myself but I'm always afraid of telling people how I feel. I've had people say it's just a phase or for attention because I've never harmed myself. I've gone through 6 therapists, I think, they've helped but my parents and I had insurance problems through most of them. My therapists had to go to court and stuff because the insurance didn't believe their methods were working or they didn't think I needed help. I never like telling anyone I know in my personal life how I feel, that's just how I am, but I know some of them are going through the same thing as me or something worse than me. I just can't bring myself to burden them too much because I grew up hearing "It's not as bad as you think it is," or "It's not as bad as others, grow up already." I've always felt like my problems are just my imagination or that subconsciously I'm getting attention. I can't even believe myself at this point in my life. What if this all is something in my mind? What if it's just me and what if I'm hurting others by not being able to tell reality from my mind? I don't know anymore. I've gone through so many medications to try and help but they always make things worse or have no effect. I'm on a new medication right now in fact. It helped my mom when she was younger so hopefully, it will help me too. Lately, my depression has gotten worse. I'm having trouble taking proper care of myself. Simple tasks like eating or brushing my hair are hard to do because I have no motivation to do them. I've actually lost about 3 to 4 pounds in the last week because I've not been hungry. I'm afraid to publish this but I am going to because you guys are really supportive towards me and you all deserve an explanation. I wasn't going to say anything originally because I thought you guys wouldn't care. Anyway, I'm getting a little off track. I haven't had much sleep because of nightmares or coughing so I might be a little slow until that is taken care of. Allergies are stupid. I feel better after typing this now. That tends to happen when I write about my feelings. Okay, I think that's everything I'm comfortable sharing at the moment. Now, since I'm having trouble writing in my Kaneki x male reader book, I was thinking of doing some one-shots that I could update whenever I had the time or felt like it. I would take requests and I think it would be fun but it's what you guys want. My mom told me that doing new things help get you out of a bad place emotionally. I have ideas that I was to try and this is one of them. I hope you guys understand and will continue to support me. Thanks for reading this far, it means a lot to me. Have a good day or night.

The picture is something I made on weavesilk.com. You guys should check it out if you want. It's free and fun. I don't think you have to download anything either because I didn't have to.