The Ghost of My Savior

Chapter Two

     The harsh tendrils of consciousness drag me out of my warm slumber. The remnants of my dreams abandon me, leaving me feeling empty. Another day of pain and questioning, why can't my body choose what it wants? My heart is failing, the rest of my body wants to continue as if nothings wrong, and my mind can't wrap itself around the concept of living any longer. What's the point in doing so, if I will be confined to my bed until my mind and body finally agree on something, death. A knock on the door breaks my train of morbid thoughts, and a white clad doctor walks through, clipboard in hand. Although he has bags under his eyes and lines from stress, his mouth is what catches my eye. Stretched into a Cheshire grin, and full of hope and happiness, it lights up like a Christmas tree. When asked his reason for being so happy, his grin only grows, parting to let out the words 'heart donor'. I expect him to be telling some type of joke, but his words are nothing but sincere, and fast-paced beeps fill the room. When my heart monitor accelerates, the doctor snaps out of his happy daze and starts attending to me. With news of a possibility at a new life, I decided to face reality and ask the questions nobody wants to ask. "What is the possibility of my new heart failing? What if a mistake was made, or the donor changes their mind? What if the heart goes to somebody else?",  When asked his smile falls and the remnants form a frown instead. Thoughtless answers recited from a college textbook fly from his mouth, thinking that it will appease me and the questions that I still await proper answers for. His silence says everything, however, and the only questions to be asked are going to be his. He finishes his check-up, tells me breakfast will be out soon, and the leaves the room more depressed than when he came in. My thoughts wander to what my donor is like, what their life is like, the life that I seem to be taking from them. Why would they decide to donate their heart if they had a choice, a kidney, or part of a liver I can understand, but a heart? There's no turning back once you're on that table, you don't have a say anymore, and once it's done, you won't have a say in anything ever. So I ask again, if not for family, why give up a life for someone whom you don't know anything about. I could be a serial killer, and he or she'd be giving up their life for me, and not even know. I'd say they have a big heart, but soon it won't be theirs, soon it will be mine.