Tonight Is All There Is (The Maine).

There's no hope for today.

"Thank you very much,"Jared said ironically while letting himself in. "By the way, you won't have to bear me for long because Kelsey is taking my place in just over an hour."

"You know I don't want her here, and yet you make her take your place?" I complained. "I'd rather have my fucking parents here."

"I don't understand you. She saved your life, whether you like it or not. She cares a lot about you and yet you whine each time she comes over. You know what?If you just agreed to see a psychologist, I would find a way to keep her away from you. But you're too stubborn and refuse to do anything to make the situation better."

"Thanks for such cheering up. I appreciated it, but if you'll just excuse me, these pills are killing me and I just feel like sleeping right now." I got up, well tried to because my crutch slipped and I fell backwards,onto the couch. I heard Jared sneer. Sighing, I tried again and this time I made it. Even better, I managed to get up the stairs and onto my bed. Life was even more tiring now than it was before.

**

    When I opened my eyes,the first thing I saw was Jared who was asleep on a chair in the corner of my room. I sat up but before I could even think about making a comment, a hand prevented my mouth from opening.

"He barely sleeps at night, respect him and let him rest right now," Kelsey whispered. I nodded and her hand brushed against my cheek, along the wound I despised. I shivered and pushed her hand away. "Come downstairs with me, I'm going to make you a coffee." When she passed her arm around my chest to help me up was when I lost it.

"I'm not a fucking tetraplegic!" I yelled, thing that made her jump back in surprise."Leave me the fuck alone, you bit-" My cheek stung before I registered what had happened.

"Don't you ever dare talk to her like that again!" Jared screamed. "She's trying to help your damaged ass goddammit!" It truly hurt. "I swear I could punch you again right now becau-"

"Jared, it's alright. I'm alright, okay?" Kelsey said and held his hands together. "Just breathe...You can go home, now. You deserve some sleep. Don't worry about him or me, we're fine, okay?"

    Jared tried to fight back but she had made up her mind. He glared at me a few times before finally leaving. I let myself fall on the bed and closed my eyes. I was so done with this life, honestly.

"Are you coming downstairs with me?" Kelsey asked gently. I shook my head. "Listen,I-"

"I'm sorry I'm such a wreck. I didn't mean to blow up on you like that." I hated the way my eyes filled with tears. Things were too complicated. It could have been so easy if only I'd had the guts to...

    The bed sunk beside me while Kelsey murmured that it was a good thing to let it all out. It was complete bullshit and she knew it, but she still tried to comfort me. This time, the roles were reversed : I was trying to find in Kelsey the reflection of myself so that I could maybe fix the problem that was my mind.

    I felt something weird form in my stomach when I breathed deeply a few times and inhaled her perfume. Something I often considered as apprehension. It might have been just that : a longing to feel something positive, for once. Out of the blue, I circled her waist with my valid arm and pulled her tome, her head in the crook of my neck. She didn't adjust herself.

"You're going to think I'm bipolar, but I just... I just don't know if I should let the darkness-"

"Take over or not?" She sighed. A few minutes passed in a heavy silence. Everything just felt as if it was too much for me to handle. And suddenly, I regretted the impulsive decision I had made ten days ago to move out of the way. I barely knew Kelsey. She couldn't mean that much to me.She took a deep breath and my heart stopped beating, just waiting for her to say whatever she wanted to. "Please don't." Her shaky voice reminded me of my own. Somehow, all the confidence I had in myself had disappeared, just like Kelsey's had.

    I didn't say anything. I knew very well that I was responsible for the state she was in, the state that Jared and all of my friends were in.

"I know it probably doesn't mean anything to you, but it terrifies me to see you die a little more everyday because it means that you're still in the same mindset as you were when it happened." She sat up and looked me straight in the eyes, her hands still using my chest as support."I'm scared something bad is going to happen to you again."

    I knew she could have felt my heart skipping a beat. It wasn't the harshness of her words that made that happen, rather the truth behind them. I also knew I must have gone pale, for the exact same reason. Not that I had planned anything for it to happen, but I didn't do anything to make anything better either. I wasn't precisely giving up, but it was clear that I saw no way my life could get easier.