Loving Cassie

Bonus: She Used To Be Mine

It still didn't stop me from wanting to speak to her.

"I, uh, never thought I'd see you again." My mouth moved faster than my better judgement and words came tumbling out. Her body jolted and both ice creams tumbled to the floor, hitting the tile harshly around her knee high boots. The look in her eyes turned from one of pure dread to anger in a fraction of a second, then changed all at once; pity.

I knew what she saw. The haggard state I was in. I hasn't bathed in a week, shaved in roughly ten, and I desperately needed to change. My eyes were likely bloodshot, though I wouldn't know since I hadn't bothered to look in the mirror in months. I most likely reeked of alcohol, and absently I clenched my hand around the neck of the 40 I was on my way to purchase.

And I couldn't help compare us. How healthy she looked, how happy, couldn't help but notice the glow -- the halo of radiance that surrounded her. She was positively breathtaking, like she could take on the world even while pregnant.

"You look well," I mumbled, not sure why I even bothered to speak. I had a bottle calling my name and the longer I stared at her the more I needed it. Cassie didn't respond and I saw the flush in her cheeks slowly die out -- I realized it was me killing the light. I was suffocating that flame.

Another chest pain hit me, this time knocking the breath from my lungs.

It was like our entire marriage was staring me back in the face. I did that to her. She had given me every chance to relish in this, the glow, and I was too busy with everything else to see it. I berated her for things she clearly couldn't control -- the ability to give me a child. One that she eventually gave me and I promptly tossed aside like garbage.

What kind of man did that make me?

Not one at all.

"Cassie?" The sound of a masculine voice behind us caused me to jolt -- and my courage and good sense dropped to the floor when I turned and I noted who it was.

Her redneck.

He stood there strapped in baby bags, toting a bundled up little girl no older than three and clasping hands with a golden haired boy. He was covered in glitter and with what looked like lipstick on his cheek, staring at a dumbstruck Cassie with concern.

"Princess? Is it the babies?"

Babies?

Her curled swayed as she shook her head and rushed toward the trio, moving away from me as quickly as possible. Lowly, with his dark eyes staring daggers into me, he checked on her, shifting the child in his arms so he could caress Cassie lightly, murmuring in low tones about nail polish remover and a cell phone. I stood there staring at them, gaping as the boy in matching attire to the man, fiddle with a button on his jacket. It was minutes that they spoke, him checking her and her large belly, concern crinkling on his tanned face. He bent to kiss her forehead when the baby -- the girl -- started fussing lightly. He hushed her with an affectionately stern look and then kissed Cassie on the mouth, igniting an uncomfortable feeling in my gut.

"Daddy?" Walker said, looking up at the big man with hopeful eyes. "Can I say with mommy?" His speech was a little halting and I could tell he fighting to push the words out correctly. The man looked down at Cassie who had her back to me still for a second before nodding at the boy, smiling proudly when he latched his small body onto the closet denim covered leg in an affectionate hug before rushing to his mother's side.

Daddy. Daddy. Daddy.

It was the final strike -- hearing my child, my flesh and blood call another man daddy. I deserved this, this torment. I had created my own hell. Watching the woman I loved, was in love with, be madly in love with another man -- have children with another man. See him take care of my son, the one I was supposed to be taking care of.

It was the nail in the coffin.

I had done this to myself.

Without a word, I walked away. Only sparing one final glance in the direction of the family I would never have back.

Ward

Seven weeks after the brief run in with Dalton in the grocery store, Cassie gave birth to the twins at two o'clock in the afternoon in the middle of a rainstorm. A family reunion of sorts convened, causing duress to many of the L&D nurses working that weekend. I was taking a small break outside on a bench, knowing full well that Cassie was only going to rest for another twenty minutes before checking on the glorious babies she had given birth to.

"Congratulations."

It was a voice I never expected to hear, a person I didn't really plan on seeing again. Dalton looked better than the last time we had seen him, less like a homeless man and more like the man I had seen in pictures.

I didn't speak as he stood there, his arm stretch out to give me something.

"It's a celebratory cigar. It was actually the one I got for Walker, but I put two more in there. You don't have to smoke them, but it's custom to give the proud Papa a gift."

I was beyond baffled as to why he was even present -- unless he was lying in a bed here, I saw no reason for him to be around.

"You don't have to keep them. I just -- I wanted to thank you. Cassie deserves more than I gave her, and it seems that you're the answer to that problem. Thank you for taking care of them, when I didn't. For cherishing them. That's all, Ward. And again, congratulations."

As he sat the box beside me and began to walk away, I couldn't help but shout out to him.

"You never have to thank me. Not for loving Cassie." And somehow as he nodded and kept going, I knew it was the last time we'd ever see Dalton again.