Damage

Chapter 36

Breathe.

In.

Out.

So I step out the car and feel his hand resting on my back, leading me swiftly through the double doors. Guiding me into a life I know nothing about.

***

"That was three quarters ago, wasn't it?" Luke says, he and his acquaintances even measure time differently.

White teeth smiles and big class rings and perfectly straightened ties.

Luke's hand hasn't left my back and I'm grateful. I feel cornered and I'm desperate to get out of here as fast as possible. I don't know anyone here and every single second, I feel more inadequate.

On my second day of class, I mispronounced a word. Some sophisticated vocabulary term. I can't remember the exact word, but I remember the feeling.

The word - I knew the meaning, knew what it looked like, had used it in writing. But when I said it during a seminar, the snickers and whispers made it clear that I didn't know how to say it correctly. The professor gently corrected me, but it was too late.  Everyone else knew how to say it, had used it in conversation before. I had only written it before.

Because where I come from, people don't say big words like that. I'd written it and knew what it meant, but had never heard it said aloud. And because of that, I didn't know how to say it aloud myself.

This whole evening has felt like that one moment, magnified a thousand times.

"Mia? Mia, is it?" The man Luke's talking to asks me. I feel like I've had this conversation before.

I blink and look up. "I'm sorry?"

"Your name's Mia, right?"

"Yes, Mia."

"What's your last name?"

"Harris."

"I've never met a Harris in New York before."

I'm not surprised.

"Where'd you find this one, Hemmings?"

This one.

Luke swirls the drink in his glass. "Mia...actually goes to Columbia."

Brian, I think, or Trevor? By now the names have melted into each other. Brian, I'm pretty sure, smiles at me, knowingly.

"Let me guess - Freshman?"

I nod warmly, trying to stay as composed as possible. Trying to not look as scared as I feel.

"Yep, freshman."

Brian raises his eyebrows towards Luke. "Robbing the cradle, huh, Hemmings?" 

Luke is at least four years older than me, and while I never really paid it any mind, I've suddenly become hyper aware of it. It is easier to take advantage of someone four years younger than you. But I'm probably being paranoid.

"Well at least it seems like you're settling down, Luke. My mother said she saw you two in the 'Rumours' section of Tatler Magazine as well. The same girl, three times. That's extremely unusual for you, Hemmings."

The phrase 'settling down' terrifies me. I try to resist the urge to flee.

Brian just keeps running his mouth and I feel like I need to get out of this lavish ballroom. But I can't run away again like the last time at lunch. I have to be brave. At least for a little while.