Twist and Shout (Destiel Fanfic)

Chapter 9

Balthazar shifted in his seat, sipping his water delicately. He set the glass back down and wiped the condensation it left on the table away.

"You," he said frankly.

Dean nodded.

"That's not fair though. I don't want to give you all the credit. A lot of things happened to him, but you, you were always it."

"If I had known..."

"But you didn't, and it's happening," Balthazar snapped, shaking his head, "I shouldn't be mean to you. You weren't there. You...you didn't see it."

"Please," Dean pleaded. "I want to help him. I want to fix it." Balthazar fixed his gaze on him.
"Do you really, though?"
Dean stared back, refusing to look away.

"I would give anything to change it."
Balthazar took another drink of water and frowned.

"I'm going to need something stronger than this," he commented, waving their waitress down, asking for a shot of tequila. She brought it promptly and Balthazar sucked it down, not batting an eyelash.

He settled himself and took a deep breath. "I think it was '73."

Castiel had more and more trouble focusing in class. The words in his books jumbled on the page and reformed themselves every time he tried to read them, so eventually he just quit trying altogether. He would return home to an empty, dark apartment; the shades always drawn, little slivers of light leaking through onto the hardwood floor. He would make dinner for himself, sit in front of the television on the couch, watching whatever was on. 'Watching' was a loose term. It was more like avoiding Star Trek and the Twilight Zone. They were dumb shows anyway.

Sometimes he would get phone calls, and every time the phone rang, he prayed that it was Dean telling him that he was coming home. Apologizing to him over and over again, telling that he was stupid for leaving, that he was a jackass, and that he still loved Cas.

Cas was used to not getting what he wanted.

Balthazar, his friend from school, would call to check up on him. It was sporadic at first, just a casual chat to make sure that he was doing okay. Eventually, their conversations start to last, sometimes stretching on for hours, and, sometimes, Balthazar could even make him laugh. Cas would hang up the phone and realize his face ached with a smile. But it wasn't the same as when Dean made him laugh or smile. Nothing was the same. Dean had been gone for nearly a year, and everything was different.

Cas tried to quit thinking about him altogether, but it was difficult because every time that he looked around the apartment, there was another reminder ready and waiting. When he'd left, they'd changed the lease to his name; technically the apartment was his on the papers. Nearly everything belonged to him, but Cas couldn't escape the idea of him. Sometimes he would forget that he left the bedroom light on, and he would catch himself thinking that maybe Dean was back, maybe Dean was in the bedroom putting his clothes back into the closet and dresser. It always ended in disappointment though, because Dean wasn't coming back. Cas knew that he was never coming back.