Already Home (H.S. AU)

Twenty Two.

Fidgeting with the vinyl across my chest, I let out a large sigh that deflates my body. "You don't think this is stupid?" I look at Lex who's sprawled out on her stomach in my bed. "Like it doesn't feel...I don't know, corny?"

"No, It definitely is," she replies.

I drop my hands at my side and frown. "Lexie! You said—"

She holds up her palms, signaling me to wait. "Hold on, you didn't let me finish. It's corny, but it's also perfect. After that little stunt last week, this was the only option."

"So, you don't think he's gonna laugh?"

"Laugh? No. Get hard?" her smirk radiates mischief. "Most definitely."

I tuck my chin, muttering to myself, "Oh, my god."

"What? Don't pretend to be scandalized, muffin. I know it's the reaction you secretly want."

My face flushes red hot. "It is not!" I try to argue. All she has to do is raise a single brow before I concede. "Okay, it might be, but in my defense, I'd just like the confirmation that this was a good idea." Her head tilts, pushing for more. "And maybe because it would be good for my self-esteem. You know, to know that I can pull that kind of reaction out of him, but that's not the point!" I add quickly.

"Please." She blows a raspberry. "You have the man on a leash. He's obsessed. If I wasn't so happy for you two, it'd make me want to throw up all over myself."

"Physical and emotional attraction aren't the same thing. I know he likes me, but," I trail off letting insecurity creep in. It's probably my most toxic trait, one that's already caused a rift in my newly developing relationship. I'm trying to get better at not allowing it to eclipse all else, but it's not easy when that's been my norm for so long. I swallow hard. "What if that's all it is? Emotional attraction and he lacks the importance of the physical."

"Nope. I'm not letting this happen," Lex jumps up from the bed, moving until she's toe to toe with me. Her hands grip my biceps and she forces me to look at her serious expression. "You are beautiful, Thea," she begins, speaking clearly. "Not just on the inside, but on the outside too. Anyone who cannot see that is blind. Your body is perfect exactly the way it is because it's yours. It belongs to you. This body gets you up out of bed every morning and holds you upright all day. It has carried you for your entire life and it's the only thing that's been with you for every up and every down. So love it and appreciate it and nurture it because it's the only one you'll ever get. It's entirely as it should be. Every bump, ripple, line, edge, and curve too," she pauses "Say it, please."

"Say what?" I croak.

"That your body is beautiful and perfect the way it is."

The lump in my throat doubles in size like everything in me is rejecting the idea of speaking those words. Vocalization is a learning technique. When you verbally guide yourself through a new idea, it deepens the storage of the memory. For one of the only times in my life, I'm fighting with a part of myself that doesn't want to be taught.