More Than Friend

Sayonara?

Yeah, you read it right. This is the end of my happy time. Due to my impulsive behavior, poor decision making skills, over possessive nature I myself have put an end to this story. Well I don't know my exact mistake. Overthinking about it, I find myself committing mistake on every corner of path.

This chapter might look in a haphazard manner because it is not about storyline but about how this story is slowly and gradually coming to an end. I request for your adjustment.

So how should I start, well I believe the downfall started from that friendly meet. From that day our everyday late night calls turned to once in a week calls. Our friendly and a bit of flirty talks got converted to formal talks about study and assignments. To be exact, I sensed change in her behavior. Whether this change was to develop distance between our bond or there was some other reason, I don't know. But it did hurt me. When asked her about the reason, she showed no clue. She said there is no change and I am just unnecessarily thinking about it. And the distance between us increased gradually. And at this point of time, I even doubt, if she is my friend or not. Because now her replies are 12hrs after message being sent, long messages replies are in one words. So, I doubt how big my unknown mistake is.

You know what, I believe my biggest mistake was to confess her about my feelings. I should have kept them hidden in some corner of my heart. At least, I would have been free from fear of losing her. She would still have been my friend. But who can change a person's fate. I should have kept confidence at my luck and stopped myself on 19th of November. Because my luck never takes my side, it always stand against me. So right now, my story is in luck's hand.

Well, I accept it. Perhaps, I don't deserve nice things cause I am paying for the sins I don't remember. Throughout my life, I have experienced people leaving me but stupid me to think that this might be different than usuals, she might be different than usuals. But destiny doesn't want the story to go the way I want.

My friend warned me beforehand to not go for her, I will find a better one. But I had faith on myself that she is the right one and wanted to prove my friends wrong. Unfortunately, in the end it is me who is wrong. They told me that she is taking me for granted, she doesn't value me, she ignores my efforts and I am just an option for her. Well this is the reason I am not able to let her go. She has many options but I only have her. She is my priority, she is not an option for me. My whole life I have been an option for everyone, be it gathering, be it party, be it any other event, I was always last option for them. So for me if anyone make me feel as if I am important to them, I will show all my care and love to them. I will treat that person the way I wanted to be treated my whole life. To be honest, I try to treat everyone as if they they are important because I know the feeling of being left alone, solitudeness and loneliness. I don't want anyone else to go through the same pain.

When I was going through loneliness in college, a void was created which demanded a friend with whom I can talk daily and she filled it. Now when she is leaving me, the void is again created. I literally yearn for those late night talks. But those days are gone. She is gone. And I still love her. Letting her go is not easy. We met my coincidence, becoming friends was our choice, loving her was beyond my control and forgetting her is not possible. I am that type of person who can be hurt my her, but still want her and only her. I loved her and will love her, used to tell her but will not tell her now. She said that it's not love just affection. I want to ask her that if this is affection then what is love. If caring for that person, thinking about that person's happiness, not able to forget her even after getting ignored by her, not thinking about ego when replying instantly to her late replies, is just affection then what is love?

You know what I lost a bet with my friend. The bet was that he said I will get attached to her, I confidently stood against it. Now when I am about to lose her, I realized that I lost the bet.
I was wrong who thought that we could be something more than friend. Actually I was wrong everywhere. I was wrong at every point of this story.
When this was supposed to be a goodbye, she called. Our long fight resolved in five minutes. I doubt in this, because it is hard to accept that how can an one month long fight be resolved in just five minutes. And she even said that everything is fine. My brain still questions about it, but my stupid heart is convinced my her. Confused between brain and heart, I now leave it at her hand. Whatever her decision be, I will always be there for her, at her worst, at her best. I will always love her and will wait for her. Now she is responsible for the future of this story. Whether there is still more to our friendship or is it sayonara?