Carmen

Pen Pen de Sarapen

I am merely a woman?

Sipit namimilipit
Ginto's pilak namumulaklak
sa tabi ng dagat!

Once we have reached the warehouse, he threw me right at the corner of the room. He kicked me here and there. I tried to cover my head but he began to tie my hands.

My vision began to blur with all the pain I was experiencing.

This endless torment happen time and time again but I just cannot get used to the pain.

All I could wish for was that my body would be numb enough for me to not suffer this much.

Soon, I blacked out.

When I woke up, I saw a woman was sitting beside me. She was curled into a ball, crying. I tapped her shoulder and she jolted in fright, saying repeatedly, "Please...Please...don't touch me..."

I wet my dry lips and spoke as gentle as possible, "Hello, it's alright. It' just me. I'm Carmen. What's your name?"

She stared at me for a long while, as though discerning whether I should be trusted or not. She said, "I-I'm Helena."

I spoke to her first but in all honesty, I did not know what to say. Saying "You're going to be alright." would he a huge obvious lie. For I, myself, know that I have not been alright for years.

In the end, she grabbed my wrist and asked, "Carmen, where am I? Why am I here? Who was that foreigner who kidnapped me? How can I escape? Why...Why..."

She kept asking on questions until it turned into unintelligible murmurs. I could not answer a single one of them. Before I knew it, tears began to roll down  my cheeks and I pulled Helena to my embrace and said again and again: I'm sorry.

Before Helena could even calm down, Señor Ladron returned, slamming the door open. "Get up! Our client has come on our rendezvous!"

I felt Helena's grip tighten. I whispered in her ear, "Don't panic. He'll get mad if you do."

Helena could only nod faintly. I stood up first, assisting her as she does.

Señor Ladron tied our wrists together with chains. He held the other end of the chain and walked us as though we are dogs on a leash.

He threw us at the back of his truck, our vision soon shrouded in deep darkness. We could only feel the truck shaking eventually, and in each one of them, Helena would cry out in fright.

I was afraid. But with Helena with me, I must do my part to console her.

The truck came into a halt. The trunk door opened, and what came before us was not unfamiliar to me.

A night of cold breeze and crashing waves by the sandy shore.

It was frightening, chilling — another night of terror has come to me.

A silhouette of a man whose face was nearly covered by his hat, smoking on his cigar stood before us. He looked at us with both disgust and hunger oozing from his aura.

Señor Ladron spoke with the burly man in a familiar language but I was deprived to understand.

From what I have understood, the foreign man's name was Gustavo.

Sayang pula, tatlong pera
Sayang puti, pitong salapi...

They talked about us as though we were goods on the market.

Finally, Gustavo spoke, "Three coins for the ugly stained woman. Seven coins for the virgin."

Señor Ladron went silent for a moment before finally nodding and shaking hands with Gustavo.

Sawsaw sa suka, mahuli taya
Sawsaw sa suka, mahuli taya!

Before Señor Ladron could turn as in, Gustavo opened his mouth to speak again, "On second thought, shall we have some more fun than usual?"

Señor Ladron raised a brow, "How so?"

Gustavo took the whip on his waist.

Without a word, Señor Ladron grinned and stepped to the side.

Gustavo walked towards us and said, "The first one to drop to the ground is mine."

Helena and I began shaking in fear.

What should I do? Should I fall first to save Helena? Or should I save myself this time?

The first whip came.

She and I groaned in pain but we tried to stand still.

And another.

What should I do?

And another...

Should I fall now?

*Thud*

My eyes widened in shock as I looked at Helena fallen to the ground, crying and sobbing.

Gustavo laughed in amusement, "That was quick." He tugged at Helena's hair to pull her up, "You are the chosen one."

Gustavo looked at me with utter disgust. But that disgust gave me a sense of relief.

I'm free...for now.

But Helena...

I saw Helena looking at me. The words 'Help me' painted on her face.

I felt unease and a pang of fear boiling in my heart.

Still, I...

I mouthed the words, 'I'm sorry' to Helena for the last time and turned my head to the side to avert my gaze from him.

Ah, I've let cowardice and selfishness to eat me up.

But, wasn't I just saving myself?

It's my turn...I guess?

Helena got dragged by Gustavo as she began to scream and fight back. But the whip struck her again and again.

As for me, I was thrown back on the back of the truck. Once again, I was engulfed by darkness.

Yet, Helena's screeching howl echoed together with the crashing wave of suffering and shame would continue on until my very last breath., this was not the end for me.

This life of suffering and shame would continue on until my very last breath.