𝙗𝙖𝙗𝙮 𝙗𝙡𝙪𝙚 𑁍 𝙟𝙟 𝙢𝙖𝙮𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙠

𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝗦𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗘𝗡

And then him kissing her cheek randomly was just...weird. It was unwanted, don't get her wrong, but it was certainly out of the ordinary. JJ had only ever kissed her cheek or her head when she was crying and upset, and even then, it was a sparse occurrence. He had never done it in such an out-of-the-blue fashion before.

As she was going through all of this in her head, overanalyzing and contemplating everything three times over, she glanced at her friends for a slight reprieve from her thoughts. Pope was in one hammock by himself, leaning back with his eyes closed, probably thinking about how he had sunk Topper's boat merely twelve hours earlier, no doubt stressing about the possible consequences. John B and Kiara were sharing a hammock together - John B sipping on a half-gone beer and fiddling with a map in his hands, no doubt planning their excursion with the drone that would happen bright and early the next morning. And Kiara was on the other side, preparing a joint, too focused on rolling the paper just right to pay attention to anything else.

And then there was Blue and JJ. The two were sharing the third hammock, facing each other with their legs on one side of the other, eyes locked instead of focused on some other task or potential plan. Once Blue had met his gaze, he smiled at her, then took one of his hands and placed it on her ankle before letting his thumb graze soft patterns on her skin.

That sent her back into her whirlwind of thoughts. She returned his smile, then looked over to John B and Kiara once more. Unintentionally, she began to compare them to her and JJ. While Blue and the blond boy were laying close together, nearly no space between them, her brother and Kie seemed to be making sure there was enough room for the both of them - keeping their distance. John B wasn't touching Kiara in any way, he wasn't rubbing her ankle or smiling at her, he wasn't even looking at her.

And then Blue looked down to her wrist. The braided bracelet that JJ had gifted her nearly a month ago sat on her skin, the medal pendant gleaming under the silver moonlight. While all of the Pogues had matching friendship bracelets, no one had one that was marked with a heart and JJ's signature next to it. Only Blue did. And that bracelet was the most sentimental birthday present JJ had ever given to anyone - he usually gave one of the Pogues a beer and gave a half-assed congratulations on turning a year older. But no, for Blue he had learned how to make the jewelry, tailored it to her favorite colors, and marked it with his name so she would always know who cared enough to go to that length for her.

Then she began to compare how JJ treated her to how he treated Kiara, given that she was the only other girl in their group and could gouge whether it was just how he treated his female friends. But while JJ was as protective of Kie as he was with any of the Pogues, he didn't hold her hand or step in with every guy she talked to or give her a special nickname.

She couldn't remember a time that JJ had kissed Kiara's cheek - or anyone else's for that matter.

Blue had always known that JJ treated her differently - that would have been quite difficult to miss - but she hadn't thought about it too much until then. She had just figured he had a soft spot for her, that he wanted to protect her because she was younger or sweeter or gentler, not because of anything that had to do with him or his feelings. But what had happened on the beach was making her rethink everything - to finally look at things through a different lens and truly wonder if there was something she had missed.

Blue had never let herself believe that there was a real chance her feelings could be requited. Sure, there had been moments where there seemed to be a possibility, and she would take those moments and let them bring her hope and warmth that further fed her all-consuming crush. But she always found herself falling back into the belief that JJ could never return her affection. It was a certainty, a fear, that always held her back. It was too out of reach, too risky, too delicate, too unsure. She couldn't let herself think that way - not when there were rules and friendships at stake. Not when John B would undoubtedly throw a tantrum and cause a rift between them.