911 x 911 Lonestar group chat!!

Im a failure

Bucky🤷🏼‍♀️:
tk did mention u were a cop
being a cop must be cool

Carlos:
yeah it's pretty cool
i do like my gun

Bucky🤷🏼‍♀️:
ive always wanted to hold a gun tbh
idek y

Carlos:
if u ever come down to texas ill teach you

Bucky🤷🏼‍♀️:
thanks man
but i gotta go
see u laterrrr

Bucky🤷🏼‍♀️ is now offline.

I sent before shutting off my phone and finally getting up from my bed and stretching. My back ached and my legs were weak, my arms hurting and scarred.

I knew I had failed, cutting was the first sign of me failing but I knew I had to get up and do stuff. Get up and get on with my life.

I had let my weakness take hold of me for too long and I never wanted to fail but I knew I had to do something, cutting helped with that.

I had work in a short while, I didn't know how I was gonna cover up my arms. My long sleeved shirt was still in my locker, at work, at the station and I couldn't go there early because that was suspicious. Eddie had a spare shirt but I couldn't tell him why I needed to borrow it, that would just cause a lot of problems and then Bobby would get involved.

Life fucking sucks.

A loud groan was heard throughout my apartment and all I heard after that was a small voice.

"You ok Buck?" Albert yelled from downstairs. From his place on the couch.

"Yeah! I'm ok." I yelled back, stomping down the stairs and walking straight for the kitchen. My head hung low as I made coffee, my hoodie rustling against my arms and brushing over the signs of weakness.

"Well I'm going out, see you later Buck. Enjoy work." Albert rants, slamming the door behind him as he rushed out the apartment.

"See you." I mumble to empty air, a lingering sensation of loneliness around me.

The time until work had passed quickly, much too quickly for my liking and before I knew it I was sat in my truck outside work, wondering what I was gonna do.

Private messages
TK - Buck

Buck:
i have a question

God I hope he replies quick enough.

TK:
yh?
what is it?

Buck:
promise u wont flip out
promise me

TK:
i promise
pinky promise
what is it buck
ur scaring me

Buck:
look im rlly sorry ab bringing this up but when u used to do drugs how did u hide it at work
like the track marks
not the highness

TK:
i never did drugs when i was a firefighter
dont tell me u started doing drugs man

Buck:
i have not started doing drugs
acc it doesnt matter anymore
ill see u later

Buck is now offline.

I give up, I'll just have to be extremely careful today. I hop out my truck, plastering on a fake face of happiness. I stroll in, trying to look normal as I wave a few people.

Heading for the locker room I saw no one, which was both unnerving and good. Someone might round the corner while I get changed and the windows, people could look in through the windows. Shit.

I saunter in, trying to look normal. I manage to get on my long sleeve shirt with no problems. Thank god.

~~time skip~~

The rest of my shift went fine, a few minor calls and that was it. I spent most of it on the couch upstairs, playing random games with Eddie and Hen. I won mostly all of them. Especially Mario Cart, Eddie was crap at it and Hens not that good of a driver.

Private messages
Tk - Buck

Tk:
so r u gonna tell me what was up before or nah

Buck:
i was curious 🤷🏼‍♀️
i haven't done anything stupid
promise

Tk:
ru sure
i care ab u dumbass

Buck:
ik u do
i haven't done anything stupid dumbasser

TK:
ok then
i'll let u get back to whatever u were doing
see u later man

TK is now offline.

I hate lying to TK but I didn't know what to do. It's not like I was gonna continue self harming, was I?