𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐖𝐄 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝟏𝟖, Jean Kirstein.

𝟏𝟐. one for sorrow. two for joy

Every detail of the previous evening played out in his mind like a haunting reel, each frame tinged with the bittersweet ache of longing. He attempted to find solace in Pieck's closeness to him, in the warmth of her touch, in her persistent affection. But amidst it all, an insatiable craving for you chewed at his heartstrings, a longing that refused to be quieted.

Leaning back against the headboard, he released a heavy sigh, the image of you vivid in his mind. He could almost feel the rush of emotions that would accompany your presence. Yet, mingled with this uncertainty, was an unmistakable ache of guilt, a weighty burden born of conflicted desires.

He loved Pieck. Yet, it was a love tempered by shadows, overshadowed by the enduring feelings he held for you. In the quiet of the early morning, amidst the remainder of a night's intoxication, he grappled with the rough storm of emotions raging within him, torn between loyalty and longing, between the love he had and the love he yearned for. He could never love Pieck the way he loved you.

His heart loved you.

His heart yearned for you.

His heart broke for you.

When he witnessed you and Eren drawing closer last night, he couldn't help but feel a pang of longing, wishing it was him in Eren's place. Your presence consumed his thoughts, making him yearn for every moment he spent with you. It's as if nothing else matters when he's with you, as if the universe itself fades into nothing. Just him and you. He feels like his very purpose revolves around you like he was meant for you in every single goddam way.

When he first met Pieck, he couldn't help but search for any resemblance, no matter how faint, of you in her. Every conversation, every touch, every shared moment, he clung to in hopes of finding a piece of you within her. It was a desperate attempt to bridge the void that had grown in his heart since you left.

The guilt that washed over him was overwhelming, engulfing him in a wave of remorse that threatened to suffocate him. He knew it was wrong to compare Pieck to you, to seek solace in her presence when his heart still longed for yours. The conflicting emotions tore at him, leaving him drained and lost in a sea of uncertainty. His mind raced in circles, trying to make sense of his feelings. Ever since you had re-entered his life, everything had changed. The world he had built for himself had crumbled in an instant, replaced by a storm of emotions he thought he had buried deep within.

As he sat, his hands pressed against his ears in an attempt to silence the chaos within, he found himself torn between two worlds. His care for Pieck was genuine, a connection that had grown over time. But his feelings for you remained steadfast, a love that had never truly faded, even in the years of absence.

The internal battle raged on, each side pulling at his heart with equal force. The conflict weighed heavily on him, a burden he carried with a heavy heart. The pain of leaving you all those years ago resurfaced, intertwining with the confusion and longing that now consumed him. In the quiet solitude of his thoughts, he grappled with the choices before him, each one with its own set of consequences. The decision he was about to make would not only shape his future but also the lives of those around him. And as he wrestled with his emotions, he knew that whatever path he chose, it was impossible to make everyone around him happy.

He uncovered his ears, his mind quieting down as he reached over for his phone, scrolling through any emails or messages. That was until he saw a message that made his entire mind silent. "Marco..." he choked out. He abruptly got up and started chucking on his clothes from the night before. Not wasting a single second.