A Homecoming

Never Gonna Be Alone

"So whatever it is that's messing you up now, do you wanna talk it out?"

Jisoo turned to look at Haein, and in this light she noticed how smooth his face is. I wonder if it feels as good as it looks..

Snap out of it, Jisoo.

To try and push the intrusive thoughts about Haein's skin and how good it may feel, Jisoo took a long swig of beer, almost finishing it in one go. She's hyper aware that Haein is staring at her dumbfoundedly, and she's giving it her all not to meet his eyes.

"Something.. I expected, but wished against, happened earlier." Sighing, she brought the bottle against her lips for another drink, but unfortunately, only the nasty beer foam was left in the bottle. Wincing because of her misfortune, she dropped the bottle in the sand as Haein continue to watch her. "They found me. And they started to berate me again for my life choices."

".. they?"

"My family. Dad. Mo-"

The realization hit her, but not fast enough. She saw Haein's curious face contort, ever so slightly, like he was slapped in the face.

"I'm so—"

"No. No it's fine. I asked you, Jisoo. It's okay."

But clearly it wasn't. Jisoo stayed quiet for a while, waiting for him to stand up and leave, because honestly, she wouldn't hold it against him. How dare she complain about her overbearing mother, when he didn't have one.

And he did. Haein stood up wordlessly and left. Sighing, she kicked the sand in frustration. The past few days have been very good as Haein started to open up more and be more active around the resort. She didn't mean to dump her trauma on him. And what if this triggered him again? What would she say to Tito Hyunwoo?

"You mean.. They didn't know that you're living here?" Haein asked, appearing suddenly beside Jisoo. He came back with two glasses and a bucket of ice in hand. Hiding her face in her hands, she sighed deeply in relief when he came back. She emerged from her hands and watched Haein pour them both doubles. Smiling gratefully, she took the glass he offered. "To answer you, well, I had a clue that they know where I am. I guess they just let me be, you know, to give me the illusion of freedom." Shaking her head, Jisoo took another long drink as Haein listened. "And when the time comes that they want me back, they can just take that illusion away. Just like what they did earlier."

Haein sipped his whisky thoughtfully, oblivious to the fact that Jisoo was staring at him. She watched how he lets the amber liquid cover his lips before sipping it, ever so slowly, and as he brings his glass away from his lips, his jaw would move as he swirls the whisky around his mouth. After that, he would swallow it, ever so gently, making his adam's apple bob up and down slowly.

"Damn."

"Sorry?" Haein said, looking at her, his eyes round with curiousity.

Realizing how she audibly expressed her fascination with something as trivial, yet unexpectedly intimate, as the way Haein drinks his alcohol, Jisoo just shook her head and downed hers in a very unfashionable way. "I meant," she started, wincing because the alcohol burned her throat. "Damn the way they continue to manipulate me."

Chuckling, Haein nodded in agreement. "It sounds fucked up, Jisoo. I'm so sorry you're going through that."

Jisoo twirled her glass and watched the ice move in circles. "Well, I guess, you really can't have it all." Sighing, she turned to Haein. "How about you? What's your story?"

"The long or short version?"

"Up to you. We have all night, and this bottle."

Jisoo watched as Haein takes in a deep breath, and slowly exhales it, like he's trying to think of the right words to say. For a while, they sat in silence, with Haein watching the dark, churning sea and Jisoo watching him. Again, he took another long drink, finishing his second glass quickly so he can pour himself another double. Taking his silence as hesitation, Jisoo opened her mouth to speak - to tell him that he didn't need to share just because she just bared her trauma to him, but Haein beat her to it.

"I broke up with my girlfriend because she lied to me." He said, not taking his eyes away from the sea.

"Oh." Jisoo found herself sitting a little taller, and a little further from Haein.

"We were trying. But I found out that she wasn't in on it. Eventually."

"Trying?" Mentally, Jisoo slapped herself for asking the most stupid questions. "Like.. trying to have a baby?"

"I wanted a family."

"What's the difference?"

"I don't want my child going through the same things I went through. That would be unfair. Isn't that supposed to be the point? I mean, you work hard, you make a difference so that your child won't suffer the same way you suffered."

"I can easily become a father - like how my father did when my mom left. But I want a family."

"It wasn't as if I demanded or forced my dreams on her. She was my girlfriend since college and we both worked towards having a family because I thought she wanted it as well."

Haein paused, biting his lips like talking about it this hurting him physically. "We bought a house. With two bedrooms, one for us, and the other one will be converted to a nursery. We even went as far as naming our future babies." He smiled sadly at the thought. Jisoo wanted nothing more than to hug Haein, but it feels intrusive at this point, so she just hugged her knees.

"But.. just when I thought we were trying to conceive, she went behind my back and had birth control implants."

"Motherfucker."

This time Jisoo couldn't care less if Haein hears her curse. What his ex did felt so criminal. Truly uncalled for. There were so much Jisoo wanted to say, so many bad things she wanter to hurl out but, she knows this isn't her rodeo. Not her fight. So she stayed silent and watched Haein more carefully.

"It took a long time for me to go past my mom's betrayal - a goddamned long time. So this.. this feels like going back to square one."

Jisoo saw how unshed tears made Haein's eyes glisten. Quickly, he turned away, sniffing as he rubbed his eyes. With his hand shaking, he poured himself another double, spilling almost half of the bottle in the sand. Without thinking, Jisoo reached out to hold the bottle. Instead, her hands landed on his.

The brief contact made them look at each other, only to find how close their faces are to each other. So close that Jisoo could feel Haein's hot breath on her lips. The sensation and their close proximity made goosebumps shot up from her arms, and her throat tight and dry. Her eyes instinctively fell on his lips, making her take in a sharp and shaky breath. 

It usually takes more than a bottle of beer and two glasses of whisky to get her drunk, but right now, right this close to Haein, Jisoo feels inebriated,  like her head is in the clouds and all her inhibitions and rational thinking are slowly leaving her senses. Kissing him, feeling his lips on her and feeling how soft and warm they are, these were the only thoughts that remained in her head and the only important thing right now is finding out how his lips.. how his mouth tastes like.

"Not like this, Jisoo."

His soft voice cut through her fever dream like a knife. Haein reached out and held her shoulders, squeezing it slightly. "We can't.. I don't.."

His voice trailed off as Jisoo pulled away, both her hands covering her mouth and her face in shame. "Shit. I'm so sorry."

"Jisoo -!"

Hastily, Jisoo stood up and walked back to the resort villas as fast as she could. Scared that if she looks back, she'll see disappointment, even disgust, from Haein. 

And that is something she's sure she can live with.