𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 | 𝐉𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐖𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐨𝐧

(๑˙❥˙๑)

now playing:

sober - demi lovato

0:15 ━❍──────── - 3:17
↻ ⊲ Ⅱ ⊳ ↺
VOLUME: ▁▂▃▄▅▆▇ 100%

TW: mentions of ED
(skip if you're uncomfy)

i got no excuses for all of these goodbyes

Y/NS THOUGHTS & POV

call me when it's over, 'cause i'm dying inside

130...
120...
115...

and the cold sweats disappear

i can't help it.
i need to be size 0.
or if possible, 00.

call me when it's over and myself has reappeared

"baby, what do you want order?" jaden asked me
shit.

i don't know, i don't know, i don't know,
i don't know why

i knew this was coming

i do it every, every, every time

"i'm not really hungry right now, i'll just take off your plate"

it's only when i'm lonely

i tried making it sound as joking as possible. our friends laughed.

sometimes i just wanna cave
and i don't wanna fight

he doesn't. he can see right through me.

i try and i try and i try and i try and i try

"what did you eat today, love?"
jaden gives me a look, he can tell.

just hold me, i'm lonely

i gave him a small smile, i've made this lie before, i know exactly what to say.

momma, im so sorry, im not sober anymore

"i had a bagel and juice before we got here, while you were in the shower."

and daddy, please, forgive me for the drinks spilled on the floor

jaden frowns,
"i ate the last bagel this morning"

to the ones who never left me, we've been down this road before

fuck
fuck, fuck, fuck...

im so sorry, im not sober anymore

*timeskip brought to you by my boyfriend who doesnt give a single fuck about me hehehe*

"baby..."
jaden held my hair back
as i throw up our dinner

i'm sorry to my future love for
the man that left my bed

i got up and rinsed my mouth off as jaden holds me in his arms.

for making love the way i
saved for you inside my head

"i sorry... i'm so sorry"
i say in between sobs

and i'm sorry for the fans i lost
who watched me fall again

"oh y/n, don't even apologize for something you cannot control. i am so proud of you baby"

i wanna be a role model,
but im only human

i was trying, i swear.

*4 months later*

i don't know, i don't know,
i don't know, i don't know why

we sit at our usual diner with our friends

i do it every, every, every time

a cheeseburger and and fries in front of me

it's only when im lonely

i take a huge bite while smiling

sometimes i just wanna cave
and i don't wanna fight

jaden places his hand on my thigh

i try and i try and i try and i try and i try

a soft smile on his face,

just hold me, im lonely

he leans in and kisses my head.

momma, i'm so sorry,
i'm not sober anymore

"i am so proud of you, y/n"
he whispered to my ear

and daddy, please, forgive me for the drinks spilled on the floor

'120...'

to the ones who never left me,
we've been down this road before

i can finally say i'm healthy again.

im so sorry, i'm not sober anymore

OMG HI! THIS CHAPTER IS INSPIRED BY @/povurinlovee ON TIKTOK, YOU GUYS SHOULD DEFINITELY CHECK THEIR ACCOUNT ITS LITERALLY AMAZING! I'D ALSO LIKE TO THANK ALL OF YALL FOR 700+ READS IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME, I LOVE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU GUYS🤍🤍