Does he know? | ✓

xviii - special chapter

"Don't you... Don't you love me anymore?"

Felix's face dropped in the mind-numbing realization he had in a whim. His cries became quieter but more painful. His heart constricts everytime he hiccups and he feels like he's spiralling down.

This is the problem when he starts overthinking. He cannot stop them and he always ends up crying from hurting himself in baseless thoughts swirling around his brain, eating him up alive.

Hyunjin didn't say anything, instead, he took Felix in his arms carrying him all the way down to the kitchen where he situated his anxious ass atop their marble counter, leaving him briefly to get him a glass of water and helping him drink it.

The spur of the moment question, left floating in the air between them.

"Are you okay now?" Hyunjin asked softly.

Felix nods, looking away from Hyunjin, ashamed.

"Listen to me, baby." Hyunjin held his chin and tilted his head so they could meet eye to eye. "I've loved you for so long. I've lived in pain watching you smile for someone else, hold hands with someone that wasn't me, and kiss other guys in front of me. I've seen my most precious one like someone else all throughout my teenage years until in my early twenties. And now I finally have you. You're finally mine now. Do you think I'm stupid enough to just let you go?"

Hyunjin tucked his hair behind his ears, carefully brushing the strands away from his eyes. "I've waited for you for so long, love. I've longed for you God knows how long. You should know that unloving you is not an option for me. Never was. It's either you or none at all."

Felix felt himself melt once again. He knows. It's just that his thoughts becomes uncontrollable when Hyunjin was away. Felix have this stupid ideology in his head that Hyunjin was too good for him. He's too perfect, and Felix... He's just a brat who happens to be born at the right place and have the privilege to grow alongside Hyunjin. That's all he is. A privileged person.

He really doesn't know. All his life he had been so confident with himself but when it comes to Hyunjin, he becomes a mess. He's just so bright and intelligent and Felix wants to be his perfect fit. He wants to stand proud with him but he still feels like he's not doing enough and it's eating him up.

"Babe, you never forget our anniversaries, monthsaries, birthdays or whatever it is that you deemed a special day for us, it's odd for for you to forget, love. But how come you always forget that I love you so much?" Hyunjin rested his forehead with Felix's, their noses touching and gazes never faltering. "I love you so much, Angel. It's always been you. I'm yours just like you are mine since we were kids."

There was a stretch of silence after that. Felix didn't really know what to say, but he has already relaxed. All anxiousness, doubts or any other negative thoughts out the window. He's breathing right again

"I'm sorry, Hyunnie." He landed a peck on Hyunjin's tall nose. "I just love you too much that it was hard to breath whenever you're away. I don't mean to be so childish and possessive. I know it's toxic, but please don't leave me. I promise to do better, love. I just need a little more time."

"You were never toxic, my love. And even if you are, I'm willing to drink all your poisons."

They stayed just like that in silence for a while. Felix on top of the counter with Hyunjin in between his legs. His hands around Hyunjin's neck, and Hyunjin's on top of his exposed thighs, making circle patterns with his thumb on his skin.

Felix's heart swelling with undeniable and overwhelming feeling of love and security.

"Thank you so much for choosing me." He whispered.

"Thank you for finally looking my way."

"You're my heart."

"You're my all."

°°°

"Hello, Russell, could you cancel my flight? Yeah, and please tell Nicole to cancel my meeting in New York as well and inform our partners we'll do it in Korea, instead. Let them know it's so we could give them a tour in our head quarters.

    They need us more than we need them, this shouldn't be an issue. But still inform the analytics team to have a research for the second best option and try to make as an ideal of a proposal as it can be, just in case."

Hyunjin sighed, looking at his  beautiful lover that was sleeping peacefully beside him on the bed.

"I just can't leave the country for the time being. And please clear out my schedule for two weeks."

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