His last thought

03| I get it

It was just me and Noel waiting.

"How long have you known Caleb?" I ask her.

"A week, about. Right from the start, I could tell he didn't give a shit about his treatments."

"It's so enriching when you swear." I say and laugh. "He told me that he never gets his hopes up anymore."

"Exactly. That's why we're going to tell him he's cleared for school, not that he hasn't shown any progress."

"We?" I ask.

"Yeah, we."

"Well I've only known him for two days." I tell her. "You're the nurse here"

"And you are the friend that he can relate to."

"No, I'm not." I yell.

"Yes, you are. That's why you help here, to help kids who are going through what you did when you were 10!"

"Yeah, I was 10. And I'm healthy now so you can back the hell off."

Noel pauses for a while. "I know you are. But he's not. You don't have to tell Caleb anything if you don't want to."

"I know." I say and droop back into my chair. Something starts buzzing, and Noel stands up and walks off. "Where are you going?" I yell.

"Caleb is awake," she says. I run after her and follow her into the room.

"Hey, Morgan." Caleb says from his bed. He had a heart rate monitor on his finger that was really echoing.

"Hey, how are you doing?" I say and sit at the end of his bed.

"My head is killing me. I'm starving. Do you have the food we talked about last night?"

"Yeah, I'll go grab it. I'll meet you back in your room." I say and walk out. I grab the food and walk back in.

Noel walks up to me just outside Calebs room. "Morgan,"

"Yeah?"

"So, are you going to look out for Caleb at school?"

"Yeah, I will." I tell her. I walk in and see Caleb laying down, his back facing me. "Are you asleep?"

"Yes."

"Smart ass." I say and sit next to him. He turns over so he's on his back, but facing me.

"What do you have?"

"Subs, from Jimmy johns." I tell him. He sits up and starts going through the bag.

"Which ones mine?"

"I don't care. I got a few extra, I'll give some to other patients." I say. Caleb grabs a sandwich and so do I. "Did your doctor say anything?"

"Not yet, he's still looking at the scans." he tells me.

"They came out before you woke up." I tell him.

"W-what?"

"You're cleared for school. Noel told me."

"I am?" Caleb says smiling.

"Yeah, that's all I know though. I don't know when you'll be discharged or anything."

"I don't care, I'm just happy I'm able to go to school." He says.

"Yeah I get it." I say and take a bite of my sandwich.

"You do?" He asks. I look at him in shock, not believing what I said.

"I do." I blankly say.

"What happened?" Caleb asks.

"Um, I got Myeloma when I was 10. Had it for over a year. I wasn't able to go to school for about half of my fourth grade year." I tell him.

"You had blood cancer?" He asks.

"Mhm. I lived here for a long ass time. But, I'm healthy now, and I see kids recover every day."

"I've never met someone who survived with Myeloma. And in less than two years." he says.

"Yeah, since I was so young, and it was a rare blood cancer it was treated fast but still took a long ass time. And, I mean, three years is more than I had to go through."

"It's not really something to brag about." Caleb says and stands up.

"Where are you going?" I ask him and stand up as well.

"I don't know, I just can't sit anymore."

"Yeah I know." I say and flop on his bed.

"It's been six years, how do you still know?"

"Just a heads up: this will never leave you. I've been healthy for years but I still have doctors appointments and get my blood tested a lot." I tell him.

"Really? It's been six years-"

"No it hasn't." I admit. "I got diagnosed again when I was twelve. I didn't take care of myself, and four months after I was 'cancer free' I spent another year doing chemotherapy. I'm healthy now, and granted you will be too,"

"You don't know that."

"You don't know that that won't happen." I tell him.

"Well, you just told me your cancer came back."

"Yeah, because I never went to my doctors appointments. I didn't care. I thought it was dumb, like you do, but that almost killed me, literally and I don't want you doing the same dumb things I've done."

"Okay then." Caleb says and angrily drops his sandwich on the table.

"What's up with you?" I ask. "I'm trying to be helpful."

"But that's the thing. You just didn't want to do your treatments, I don't want to live anymore."

"Don't say that Caleb." I tell him. "Why would you say that?"

"Because I've been dying since I was 13" He says and his eyes start to get glossy. "I lost every chance I had to have a normal life. I wasn't able to go to my jr. high graduation, I can't go to any dances, or any events or play any sports. My life is here, taking test after fucking test and being told I can't do anything besides wait to take another goddamn test." Caleb says. He looks angry, and sad. "Um, Morgan I'm going to go take a nap. I'll see you later."

"Okay, are you feeling okay?" I ask.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Caleb says. I nod and grab my stuff before walking out.