Spirit and Soul Intertwined

Chapter 4

Yubel's POV

Yubel floated beside Judai as he shambled across the barren landscape, his head hung low. He'd barely said a word to them since the Johan incident. The empty bitterness that consumed Judai tore at Yubel like an old wound. Neither of them spoke about it. What was there to say? Yubel knew exactly how Judai felt: he loved Johan and was bitter toward Yubel for making him choose between them and Johan.

Yubel hadn't intended to take it as far as they had. They had been trying to ignore Judai's feelings for Johan, insisting that they didn't matter in the long run and Judai would stick with them. Yubel had been right about the latter. Judai did choose them but they didn't understand why. He had been just about to confess to Johan before Yubel showed up. In the moment Yubel tried to rip Super Polymerization, they genuinely believed that was what Judai wanted.

Yubel still felt Judai's love for them. Now, however, it was blanketed by bitterness and doubt. Meanwhile, even though it had only been a day since the incident, his longing and anxiety for Johan had only grown. Surely it would only be a matter of time before it overtook Judai's love for Yubel. They cringed at the thought. It was Yubel's fault Judai was feeling this pain: why didn't he just leave?

Yubel let out a sigh. Maybe there Was something to discuss with him after all.

"Judai..." Their voice was hardly more than a mutter.

"Yeah?" Judai's voice was devoid of emotion, and they didn't meet Yubel's gaze.

Yubel winced. Would it always be like this? If they kept him with them, would Judai just resent them and wish he was with Johan? That wasn't worth it. Yubel loved Judai, they wanted him to be happy, not to possess him.

"I'm sorry..." Yubel sighed, dipping their head. Judai stopped walking. "I admit, I'm terrified of losing you but it hurts me to see you like this..." They trembled as they let the words spill from their mouth. "If you want to split from me and go be with Johan, I won't stop you."

"Yubel, that's not the point!"

Yubel glanced at him. "Huh?"

Judai's eyes were narrowed and his fists were clenched. "I don't want to split from you!" he exclaimed, resting his hand on his chest. "You claim you feel all my emotions, shouldn't you know that?!"

Yubel's eyes widened. "Judai..."

They could tell he wasn't lying, they just couldn't understand why. He couldn't be staying for Yubel's sake. Yubel had made it clear that he could and should leave if he loved Johan, hadn't they?

Judai looked away, letting out a sigh. "Yubel... I love you. My feelings for Johan don't change that fact. I'll never regret fusing with you and I never want to leave you. But... my heart has room for you and Johan."

Yubel stiffened with anger. "Does it? How can you love me with all your heart if part of it belongs to that boy?!"

Why couldn't Judai just pick one of them?! Yubel would've been less hurt if Judai would just leave him and stopped torturing them with this 'I love both of you' nonsense. That wasn't how it worked!

"Yubel, Johan doesn't have part of my heart, he has my entire heart, as do you," Judai replied firmly.

"But... but how is that possible?!" Yubel's wings bristled with anger.

"I don't know..." Judai looked away, his voice trailing off. Then his eyes narrowed. He looked back at Yubel, continuing firmly again. "But it's how I feel. Tell me Yubel, am I lying?" He held his arms out.

Yubel stared at Judai, allowing all his feelings to wash over them like a wave in the ocean. In his heart, Judai's love for Johan was blazing. However, his love for Yubel was still burning as strong as ever, the fog of resentment just that: a fog that would clear up in the light. Yubel opened their mouth to speak. Before they could say anything, Judai's eyes suddenly widened.