My Boyfriend | Yeonbin

FIFTY FIVE

Haeil puts his hand over his mouth. "I'm so sorry Soobin. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to think about it or talk about it. I keep telling myself I'm ready but I'm still scared to love someone else. I don't mean to hurt you, I do want you Haeil."

Haeil smiles and crawls over to him. "Tell me about him. What was he like?"

A smile crawls onto his face as he thinks about him.

"He was so beautiful. Really talented too, he was in a band and I remember the first night I heard him play. I knew I wanted to know him better."

"What was his name?"

"Yeonjun." He looks over and grabs a picture that sits on his nightstand showing him a picture of the two of them on a picnic.

"He is really pretty." Haeil says as he looks at the picture and Soobin's huge smile clearly laughing. "You look happy."

"I was...he was everything to me."

Haeil puts the picture back and gets up grabbing their bowls.

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

He sits up. "W-Wait why?"

"Because..." He turns to look at him. "I'm not Yeonjun. You clearly aren't over him, you still love him and I don't blame you." He leaves and Soobin follows him.

"Haeil I...that's not it-"

"You aren't ready Soobin."

"But I do like you."

"I know." He puts the bowls in the sink. "I know you do Bin. I can see myself out, I'll call you." He walks towards the door.

"Wait Haeil!" He runs over and shuts the door keeping him from leaving. "Please don't go." He turns him around. "I know I'm not...I'm not whole and I'm sorry but I can change."

"Binnie-"

"I need you Haeil."

"I'm sorry." Haeil turns and leaves, shutting the door behind him.

Soobin sighs and rests his head against the door.

...

Soobin walked around late at night. He needed to clear his mind and he didn't want to keep running to Beomgyu and Kai or even Haeil. He wanted to figure this out alone.

He found himself inside a bar and already on his third glass. He rested his head on the counter while twirling his glass around staring at it.

"Break up?" The bartender asked.

Soobin glanced at him. "Close...how'd you know?"

"I've seen a lot of faces like yours. The over-thinkers who look like they regret a lot."

"...it was my fault. I don't know why I tried. I should've gone with my gut. I knew I wasn't ready even after a year."

"What happened?"

"My ex...he died in a plane accident."

"Damn...I'm sorry to hear that."

"And Haeil he's so so sweet and was so patient after all this time and I fucked it up. I really did like him but..." His voice faded and the bartender nodded.

"You're afraid to love someone else?" He asked.

Soobin buried his face in his arm.

"Hey big guy, it's alright. It's hard to forget about a good thing. Just know, I'm sure your ex wouldn't want you to be like this."