Guilt from a Half-Written Feminine

my friend just told me she's getting married

My friend just told me she's getting married 

She held up her hand, the peachy diamond almighty and rioting. 

 my mouth turned to upward corners and my happiness was complete- 

sincere congratulations were no more truthful than they were dying. 

 her lips were plump by what I can only imagine is a kiss of winning- 

 I made it- I found someone who loves me. I found someone who wants to make me immortal.

And I smiled all through their squinted religion- 

My man came home, no job- no problems- no rent. 

 he told me he didn't need any of my sappy looks- red eyes. 

 I nodded- basically bowing.

 make me a wife. do not give me children. I am immortal when you rip into me. 

Yours, straddling onto his strapless needles. 

"What good is being mine when you always ask for more?" he whispered. 

the carpet itches, hourglass figure I keep up just for you. 

 I remember that I ask for too much, according to you. 

 I only remember dreams of being a mother- crumpled up into scraps just so whenever you saw me carrying someone else's baby, 

 You wouldn't shiver. 

 You'd pull me closer. 

Because neither of us want kids ,remember? 

Because marriage is a waste of time, right? 

You never loved me as much as I loved you, ain't that right? 

Tucking my girlfriend into a warm embrace, I wished her a fruitful union.

 Turned away to the front door. 

My friend told me she got married today, she just forgot to tell me that I could have that too- 

If only I could stop loving you- 

If only I could turn away from,

You,

 too.