But the words never left him.
And Kade had let them kiss.
He came to the discovery it was because he did actually find an attraction to Calico in a more than best friends way, in a romantic sort of way, but he pushed him away because he got scared just like Calico had pointed out.
Scared of the attachment.
Scared that someone could actually care for him as a person and actively be able to show it.
Scared that if he admitted to liking him in any way, he'd be gone for good.
And now he was.
- And all the people say
You can't wake up, this is not a dream
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen
Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline
I think there's a flaw in my code
These voices won't leave me alone-
His own music rang in his earbuds as Kade danced at class during their free period, doing his best to tune everything else out.
Watching his hands flow gracefully across the floor as though he wasn't thinking of anything.
His mind stuck again on watching Calico walk away in the middle of the night, slightly drenched from the rain.
He could see his hand wanting to grab for Calico's shirt, but his pride making his fingers curl up by his side, digging into his palm.
-Don't cut me down, throw me out, leave me here to waste
I once was a man with dignity and grace
Now I'm slippin' through the cracks of your cold embrace
So please, please
Could you find a way to let me down slowly?
A little sympathy, I hope you can show me
If you wanna go then I'll be so lonely
If you're leavin', baby, let me down slowly-
Kade's heart ached so much for even a glimpse of what he and Calico had mere weeks ago, but he could catch sight of Calico sometimes, watching him with the boy named Derek.
Kade's feet ran rampant on the dance floor as the vivid images flickered over his eyes, making Kade's movements have an emotion of desperation in them so contagious, he caught someone watching him with a pained expression on their face.
Calico had looked happier.
And that hurt.
As selfish as that was, Kade wished that smile Calico gave Derek was directed towards him.
Kade figured he would have to find a different park than this one to walk through if Calico and Derek kept frequenting this area as a date spot.
It felt wrong to have the jealousy spike through his chest, but Kade didn't care anymore. He just missed his best friend, who found someone else to be his best friend.
Someone taller, someone who smiled more, someone who knew how to handle his emotions better, someone who could actually communicate what he wanted. Moreover, someone Calico could rely on for happiness.
Something Kade didn't think he could help with, was keeping anyone happy with how miserable his own life ended up being.
And it was that thought that drove Kade on a walk back to the spot he vowed he would never return too.
It was a little park in the middle of the city where a lot of people would walk their animals during the day, but during the night it was pretty empty.
Even on a night like Halloween, a discovery Kade made a little over a year ago.
The bridge he had hidden under that night, trying to bleed out, was still in tact as Kade crouched below it, sitting on the ground to curl up in a little ball again.
-Some mistakes get made
That's alright, that's okay
You can think that you're in love
When you're really just in pain
Some mistakes get made
That's alright, that's okay
In the end it's better for me
That's the moral of the story-
Chapter Sixteen: Numb
Start from the beginning
