Unique (Malec)

Chapter 5

As the door closes behind Mil, Alec looks over to Magnus and raises an eyebrow. "Who was that?" He asks, an amused tone in his voice. 

The warlock huffs a single laugh. "That was Mil Ackerman. A Seelie. Whom I used to date. But that relationship is over and will not being coming back." He rolls his eyes. "She lives with a group of other seelies and is their 'leader'. They live in the woods, hidden from the mundanes." Magnus looks over at Alec. "You aren't going to go running to the Institute and inform everyone of Mil's location, are you? We may not have a good connection now, but I do my best to not betray my kind." 

"I won't," Alec promises. 

Magnus nods. He takes a breath before clapping his hands together. "I should get working on that potion. Are you good here? Not too painful right now?" 

The Shadowhunter shakes his head. "Not too much pain," he confirms. 

The rest of the day goes by moderately smoothly. Alec only has a one uncontrolled freak out due to the pain from his growing wings. The stubs on his back are increasing in size, already growing to be a few inches of white bone off of Alec's back. Magnus had spent a majority of the rest of the day working on his potion for Mil and his other couple of requests. Magnus had made lasagna for dinner, which Alec quite enjoyed (although he would never say that). 

Now, Alec lays in the guest room, still awake in the dark room. He's thinking to himself. Jace had texted him, explaining what he had missed at the Institute. Clary's friend was brought back as a vampire, his parents who were visiting were both worrying about Alec but were yet to visit. 

His parents' resentment to visit him, hurt. Alec had confronted them about their previous partnership with the Circle. The things they told him... They thought they would be making things better, but in reality, they didn't. In fact, they made things worse. And now, they won't even visit him when he's hurt. All because his friends decided he should stay with a Downworlder. Mrs and Mr  Lightwood, still with their idea that all Downworlers are below them and a waste of time. And maybe Alec and Magnus don't have the strongest friendship, but Alec sure as hell doesn't view Magnus as below him; not like his parents do. 

Alec, annoyed now by the thoughts about his parents, jolts from surprise when he hears a muffled yell from the other room. The worst possible scenarios come to his mind when he hears the yell. 

Ignoring the pain in his back, Alec gets out of bed. He grabs his Seraph Blade and leaves his room, hand trailing the wall as he walks so he doesn't fall in the darkness. Alec looks through Magnus' apartment, trying to find the source of the yell. He checks all the rooms, finding nothing. Alec passes the final room, the one he hasn't checked. Magnus' bedroom. 

Hesitating, Alec pauses. He debates whether he should go in or not. The door to Magnus' room is opened an inch. The light is on inside. What harm could it do to just peak inside? 

Alec takes a deep breath, grips his Seraph Blade and pushes the door open. The bedroom door swings open more than Alec intended. It's too late to turn back now. Alec looks inside to Magnus sitting up in his bed. The warlock is shaking, his face stained with tears and his eyes red. 

When Magnus sees Alec at the doorway, he sits up taller, immediately trying to hide his emotions. "S-sorry, Alexander. Did I wake you?" His voice is raspy, like he's been crying quite a lot. 

The Shadowhunter frowns at the other. "It's no problem," he says. Alec pauses, looking Magnus over. "Are you okay?" The question comes out before Alec can stop it. 

Magnus almost looks touched by Alec's question and concern. Almost. "I'm fine, Alexander. You can go back to bed. You need to rest. Warlock's orders." 

Alec, however, stays put. "You can tell me, you know. I'm not going to rat you out to the Clave. I promise." 

There doesn't come a reply for a few moments. Magnus studies the other. "Okay, then.. I had a nightmare," Magnus admits simply. "That's all. No big deal." 

Alec takes a small step further into Magnus' room. "Do you want to talk about it?" This was how Alec would always handle Izzy (and eventually Max) whenever his siblings had nightmares. As a big brother, and a protective one too, Alec knows how to approach these types of things. 

"It's fine." 

"You can't always push your emotions down and hide from them, Magnus," Alec says. "Especially when people are trying to and want to help you. I won't push you to talk about it, though." Alec turns to walk out of the room. 

"I'm immortal," Magnus starts before Alec can leave the room. Magnus sighs to himself, his breathing becoming shaky again. "And my memory is incredibly good. I have lived centuries and I can remember just about every day. I... I have seen horrors. I-I have caused horrors, even. I remember every second of it." Magnus blinks back the tears that were returning to him. 

Alec walks over and sits down next to him on the bed, placing his Seraph Blade down on the floor now that he knows there isn't a threat and Magnus isn't being murdered by a member of the Circle. 

"In my lifetime, I have seen so much. People say to look on the bright side, only focus on the good memories. But I can't. And you're right, I push down my emotions. I run from my fears. I drink away my problems. Sex my way out of life's difficulties." 

Magnus pauses, the warlock's throat feeling like its closing in on its self. 

"I remember every person who has died. I remember their face, their name, their voice if I knew it. And— and they all just kept dying, or disappearing on me. And I could— I can do nothing to stop it." His voice breaks as he continues. "I work right now to help other people. All I do is work to help others. But I can never do enough. I can never be enough." 

A sob wrecks from the warlock's body as he shakes. Alec sits there, letting him talk and cry it out. 

"M-my dream.. It was everyone I've loved. Everyone I've lost. Their faces kept flashing. Their bodies appearing, all bloodied and destroyed just the same as when they were killed." 

Magnus didn't— no, couldn't— add the fact that he saw Alec's dead body in his dream as well. Magnus has never seen Alec dead, he hopes he never will; but he knows that's unlikely. It still... It still haunts him, though. Magnus is scared to get close to Alec. Alec lives a dangerous life, and could be killed any day. 

"It's not worth it. You love somebody, and then they die. It happens over and over again. A-and you start to think... Maybe you should just stop. Love isn't worth the pain." 

Alec looks at Magnus. The warlock has tears running down his face again. 

"I think," Alec starts, "that's what makes love worth it. Because if you know that pain will be the result, then you just have to make the most of it. If someone makes you happy beyond belief, enjoy that happiness, enjoy the fact that they're there at all and you're lucky enough to be with them. Enjoy the time that you have with them, and treasure it." 

Now it's Magnus' turn to look at the other. The warlock is still shaking as he stares at Alec. For a moment, Alec thinks Magnus is going to kiss him. Instead, though, Magnus quietly asks a question. 

"Can I hug you?" 

Alec is taken by surprise at the question. He nods a yes. Besides, is he really going to deny an upset warlock a hug? 

Magnus wraps his arms around Alec, careful of his hand placements so he doesn't bump into Alec's growing wing-stumps. In return, Alec wraps his own arms around the warlock. Alec ignores the way Magnus' face still hasn't dried from tears as Magnus buries his face in the Shadowhunter's shoulder. 

The pair stay like that for a while, Magnus slowly beginning to calm down. 

When Alec pulls away, Magnus is half-asleep. The warlock looks up at the other with half-lided, tired eyes. "Please stay," Magnus mumbles, his voice a quiet beg. 

To that, Alec can't say no. So he agrees. 

Magnus falls asleep pretty quickly. And Alec follows shortly after.