The Mystery Behind The Map

November 6th 2018

Dear diary, or journal I guess.
I could never bring myself to writing in this. I don't want to ruin it. But after reading so many books to keep me calm, writing is the only thing that makes me happy. It's been exactly 4 months since the accident. The accident that ruined everything. How do I put this... July 6th 2018 my parents went out for a firework show. I was stuck watching my little brother, I was mad, but I understood, who would want to stay near me? It was 1 am, my brother, Liam had already been asleep for around 4 hours, but I was awake to keep him safe. I was so tired, mom and dad were supposed to be back at 11. It had been hailing for hours now, I was getting worried. All of a sudden there was a knock. A knock I never want to hear again, a knock nobody wants to hear... 3 dreadful slow knocks. I open the door thinking it's them, so happy I can finally go to bed. I ran to the door just to open it to a police officer standing right outside. What had I done wrong? What happened? Then all of a sudden I got the chills. Chills i never want to feel, but I can never un-feel. In a deep saddened voice the officer told me they were gone. I couldn't believe it. I fell to the ground in tears. Why me. Why us. Liam was 6? What about Grace. She was off to collage. What about dads kids? They were with their mom. They're all so young. No older than 9. The officer starts telling me all these overwhelming things, like what I need to do, what I cant do. There was no way i would move in with Lina, my dads Ex. She was never the best parent. The only choice left was foster care. Liam went from the happiest little boy, to the kid nobody ever heard talk. He went from "Hey mister! Nice shirt!" To "....." . Foster care is something I needed to get used to. I need to fake this smile. For Liam. He can't know how weak I am. For these past 4 months. Liam thought I was over their death. He thought I was happy. So he became happy knowing that I was ok. But what he doesn't know, is every night after we sing our moms favorite song, I cry myself to sleep. I wake up the next morning right before he does, to immediately put concealer under my eyes. I tell him we will always be family, but there is no promise we wont get separated. But he doesn't need to know. We still get to see Grace and all our other siblings, but none of them can get legal custody of us, since my parents never said who would if they were to die.