Dizzy on the Comedown

V.

Sing along to a song that I know,

It goes blah blah blah, I sing it over and over.

Let it hypnotise you,

I'll still be right beside you.

The big difference between Indonesian and American universities are the holidays. While Indonesian universities have their long holiday breaks at the end of each term's (Rayhan, his friend, goes to an Indonesian university and he says the holidays are only "abis UAS" which comes every six months), American universities have that as well as the seasonal breaks.

That is when he usually goes to California to visit her, and spend his holiday.

HJ tells her the reason why he's willing to go is because he doesn't really have anyone he knows from Indonesia except her that is a short plane ride away, but in truth, he just enjoys seeing her fix her hair while sitting on the cap of her car in the airport, waiting for his arrival.

It became a written rule for them the moment he lets her sign her page in his yearbook with her flat address along with a "you promised to visit me every term holiday."

And so he did. Spent the one-week spring break in a hotel near her flat, even though she insisted that he could stay over in one of the empty rooms in her flat since her flatmates aren't going to be around.

"You don't have to be so chivalrous around me, you know." She tells him as she jumps to the passenger seat from the drivers' seat to let him be the one driving after picking him up. "Mendingan nginep di tempat gue daripada lo nyewa hotel mahal-mahal."

He shook his head instead, denying her words, but not countering it with his voice.

Naura has never been a huge money spender (except on food) despite having more than enough. It was actually a quality he's impressed with about her. She even lectures him about his spending habit, and all he can do is laugh at her.

So when the two months summer break comes and she rings him up about coming to New York, it took him a few seconds to comprehend that she just asked him if she could stay over at his place for the time being.

"Soalnya papa ga ikut juga Je. He honestly told me to rent a room or an apart tapi kayak... you know how expensive places are in New York. I mean, if you don't want to, it's totally okay. I'm just asking in advance before I book a room, daripada buang-buang uang."

He swallowed his nervousness before answering a short "Yeah, sure."

She screamed in delight at her agreement.

There isn't much to sight-see in New York when both of them are sick of the busy streets from the previous visits before, so most of the time they just spend the day lounging around his apartment, ordering take outs.

One evening though, she shouted for him in excitement.

"Guess what?" she asked him, and he muttered an answer from inside the toilet. "My vinyl player came in the mail!"

"Maksudnya turntable?" HJ questioned back. "Actually, why are you ordering things and sending them into my place?"

Naura laughed on the other side of the door. "Abisnya kalo ngirim ke Cali mahal banget, jadi sekalian aja order pas lagi disini."

When he got out of the toilet, she was busy setting the turntable up, face scrunched in concentration. He walked over and sat beside her.

"Why the sudden interest in vinyls?"

"Dunno, suka aja." She says, hands holding the vinyl in her hand carefully, placing it on top the turntable. When it sat right and started playing, she smiled so radiantly that the sun setting behind her from the window felt like it was nothing in his eyes. "C'mon. The 1975, New York, at 6 PM. We have to live the dream."

HJ raised his brow, not understanding her, but taking her hand that asked him to stand up regardless. "What dream?"

"We have to dance, idiot." She started dancing around, not even on beat to Robbers that was playing in the background, but the smile reaching her eyes was too captivating for him to care about her dance moves. "This is what people dream of."

He entertained her, danced with her until she was tired that she threw themselves at the sofa as the song comes to an end, not letting go of his hand yet.

Three minutes of catching their breath until it became even again, she rested her head in his shoulder. "Life would be so much easier if it can just be like this everyday."

"Like the dream you talked about?"

"Yeah." He felt her smile against his skin. "I daydream about dancing with someone to the songs I like a lot. And..."

"And?"

She hesitated before continuing in an unsure tone. "And I used to do that. With him; you know who. But it just ends in tears sometimes, or it only starts because I feel like crying. It's not a happy one."

He lets go of her hand to play with strands of her hair that was out of the messy bun she tied up, sometimes letting his knuckles brush against her cheek. "I hope you had a better version to remember of your dream to remember today."

She nodded. "What do you dream of?"

"You." She tensed just a bit hearing his answer, and there was a part of him that regretted his impulsive answer. But as she relaxed back into him, he continues. "I dream of days like this, with you. I like making experiences we'd remember together. I like that I get to give you new and beautiful memories to replace the painful ones."

There wasn't an answer from her, and when he craned his neck just slightly to see her face, she was already asleep. He smiled.

She snuggled closer to him, and the smile faded to let out a curse.

This was why he tries his best to be chivalrous with her. This was why he doesn't stay over at her place when he's in California. She just doesn't know how much control he needs to put in himself to not pull her into his hug all the time, to not just kiss her when he sees her just simply being herself; like when he sees her too focused in her turntable, like when she smiles out of happiness because the food they ordered came in time, like when she complains that all the cabinets in his apartment were too high up for her. Like when she's right beside him.