One Day, After your Proposal

ODAYP Simula

Simula:

"Ma'am Fidge bukas na ba talaga ang pasahan ng Chapter 1? Move mo nalang po ng Friday Ma'am!" naka-ngising pakiusap ng isa kong estudyante at gaya ng inaasahan sunod-sunod na silang nakiusap. Naku!

Umiling nalang ako pero papayag din naman, dumaan din naman ako sa ganitong stage. Alam ko na wala pa talaga silang nagagawa dahil uso talaga ang procrastination sa college!

"Okay sige. Pero make sure class na magpapasa kayong lahat sa Friday ha? No more extensions!" Mariin kong banta sa kanila, kanya-kanya naman silang pangako at pambobola!

"The best ka talaga Ma'am Fidge kaya sayo kami eh!" one of my student remarked, umismid naman ako. Sinabi din nila yan sa prof nila kanina. Akala nila hindi ko narinig.

"Alright, tama na bola. Iwan ko na kayo nang makapaghanda kayo for your next class." then I walked out the room. Nag-ring ang phone ko at dali-dali ko itong kinuha sa aking bag, kanina pa ito eh at hindi ko lang masagot dahil nasa gitna ako ng klase. It was Jax.

"Hello Jax? Bakit na naman ba? Diba sabi ko naman sayo wag mo kong tawagan kapag oras ng klase?" Maanghang na bungad ko sa kanya. Tumawa lang ang lalaki sa kabilang linya. Sira-ulo.

"Ano na naman ba?"

(He's back.) Maikling tugon nya. Napahinto ako sa paglalakad, parang nanlambot ako, wala pa siyang binabanggit na pangalan pero ang sistema ko nakilala agad. Ganito kalakas ang epekto nya sa akin.

"H-huh? Why? He said he will never go back here Jax. Kilala mo yun, kapag sinabi nya gagawin nya talaga. Alam mong sukdulan ang galit nya sa akin! Hindi nya kakayanin na iisa nalang ang mundong ginagalawan namin!" I was hysterical!Hindi ko ito inaasahan, hindi ko inasahan na magkikita pa kami. Na babalik pa sya.

"Jax.. bakit?" He sighed. I know Jax. Five years and I'm still into him. Five years nakatulos pa rin ako, ni hindi naka-usog kahit kaunti.

(Fidge.. I know you. Please, stop yourself. Hindi sya bumalik para sayo-)

"I know Jax!" putol ko sa kanya, alam na alam ko. Noong gabing tinapos niya ang lahat ng sa amin. Alam kong wala ng pag-asa. He will never break his words. I fell for him because of it. But that principle broke me.

(As much as I don't want you to know this, pero ayokong malaman mo pa ito sa iba. He's getting married. He proposed to his girlfriend. Hindi siya mag-isang umuwi Fidge.)

I smiled bitterly. Fidge, you saw this coming right? You knew, he wasn't yours anymore. Nakita mo na noon, he moved on.

(Fidge? Let's meet please. Gusto ka rin makita nila Erika.) His voice was soothing. I know he was trying to help me, siya ang pumulot sa akin noon. Jax, of all people knew everything.

"I'm okay Jax. Don't worry I won't do it again if you're scared. I'm so in love with this life Jax. Ibaba ko na ito, I'm quite busy. I'll call later, I promise!" saka ko mabilis na pinatay ang tawag. Ayoko munang pakinggan ang magiging litanya nya. Siguradong sasabihan niya lang akong mag-move on na. Kung ganoon ba kadali sana noon ko pa nagawa.

Wala na akong susunod na klase kaya nagpasya akong pumunta sa coffee shop malapit sa university na pinapasukan ko, I need coffee to think straight. This is too much for me to take in.

Pagpasok ko sa coffee shop, naamoy ko agad ang pamilyar na amoy ng kape, may mga estudyante din na dito gumagawa ng papers nila. Nginitian ako ng ilan sa kanila kaya sinuklian ko din iyon. I ordered the usual and sat in my favorite spot sa may bakanteng dulo katabi ng glass wall. Gusto ko dito dahil tahimik at tanaw ko ang mga dumadaang tao. Sandali pa at dumating na ang order ko. Tuwing marami akong iniisip, umiinom ako ng kape at binibilang ang bawat taong dumadaan. It helps me to calm my thoughts.

One, two, three
Napangiti ako nang makita ang mag-asawang matanda, naka-akbay ang matandang lalaki sa asawa nya. Kitang-kita pa rin ang pagmamahal sa dalawa. I wonder what made them so strong? Why all not marriage can stand amidst all odds?

Four, five, six.
Iilang mga estudyante pa ang dumaan.
Seven, Eight, Nine. I sighed.

I started searching his name through Facebook and clicked his account. I'm really good in torturing myself. Ngayon ko nalang ulit binisita ang account niya, I stopped doing that noong umuwi ako ng Pilipinas pagkatapos namin siyang sundan sa Madrid ni Jax.

I sighed after remembering that then proceed with stalking his account. I stopped when I saw his very recent post. It was his proposal stunt. It was candid picture while he was on his knees with his girl in front of the Eiffel Tower. This is how we imagined his proposal for me. Ako ang may gusto ng ganito, bukambibig ko pa sa kanya ito noon.

We were very sure back then, he said someday he will put a ring on my finger. I believed him. I read the caption: 'I thanked God for leading me to you. We are each other's destination.' It was sweet and meaningful.

I scroll through the comment section and saw that many people congratulated them. I sighed at napapikit ako sa mga ala-alang bumabalik. No, Fidge. You are fine, this world is unfair, this life might be a battlefield but you are your own knight. You are stronger than you think you are right?

Happy thoughts. Think of happy thoughts. Breathe.

I continued the counting. I need to calm my thoughts. I stopped at nine earlier so -- ten, eleven, twelve, too many faces I know I won't even remember.

Thirteen --

Napahinto ako bigla sa pagbibilang, he's here, walking proudly while talking to another man about something. He was very different. He looks so fine. So successful..

He's really back. Parang ngayon lang talaga nagsink in sa akin.

He's walking like he owns the place. Fast but surely. I remember, we used to walk side by side, he was so tall, so he's fast when walking but he will always wait for me.

You really lived your life well without me huh? It was painful to know.

We locked sight for the first time after five years. I saw how his reaction changed, his jaw clenched, his eyes turned cold and he looked away.

I smiled bitterly and sighed. It was nice seeing you again, one day, after your proposal.