The Girl who Survived (Fred Weasley)

CH 80. Joy and Grief

"Don't even think about it El!" Fred called from inside of the kitchen, making me sit back down on the corner of the sofa immediately.

"Honestly, between the pair of you I think I've properly aged five years. Godric knows what that will do to my boyish complexion," Sirius said slumping back in his seat.

In all honesty, I didn't feel guilty for looking in on Remus's memories. He'd been keeping me at arms length for long enough, and I'd grown tired of the distance that filled the space. Whether he thought I wouldn't notice, or if he chose not to notice himself, he always gravitated towards Harry when allowing Sirius to take the lead with me.

"Now will the two of you just....Speak?" Sirius asked, sounding defeated. Almost as if he didn't know what else he could say.

I turned my head and slowly looked at remus's eyes, wondering how bad it would be to look in at this point. I was a better Occlumens than he was, that much had been proven, but I knew well enough that it wouldn't solve anything at this point.

"You left me," I said quietly.

"You don't understand," Remus began, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

I let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of my nose feeling a tension headache build. "You know, I am immeasurable tired of hearing people tell me I don't understand things, or that I'm too young, or any other rubbish people say when they're about to disregard me," I said. I dropped my hand and looked at him dead in the eye, stating the facts I knew. "You left me. You can say whatever you feel like you need to say, tell me about whatever understanding you and my dad had agreed to, but the reality is... you left me."

"I didn't know how to look at you," Remus said in a whisper, watching every motion, ever blink and every breath I exhibited. "How could I? How could I look at my best friend's daughter, who asked when her mum and dad were going to come back for her, or if they missed her, and tell her that I was her father? I can tell you, that I will regret it for the rest of my days because of the pain it causes you."

"Good," I said in a breath. "Good, you deserve to live with that much," I said and stood up, facing the kitchen once again. "You know it's astonishing that I find out I was your mistake, yet you feel as though you still have ground to stand on-"

"Now that is enough. You will mind the way you speak-" Sirius said, growing louder with every word he said to try and talk over me.

"To point out how I am the one not taking your feelings into consideration!" I shouted in a breath that I felt had been holding all of my tension over the last few days. "I needed you! Okay? And not as a father, just as a person to have in my life that could have helped me! Do you have any idea how extraordinary lonely it was growing up as Elodie Potter? Now come to find out I'm not really a Potter" I said, feeling a heaving pain tighten in my chest as I let out my bottled anger.

"You are. You will always be. We create our own demons. What good would I have been in your life if I bought mine anywhere near you? The one last beam of glittering light I still had in my life." Remus said, wiping at his cheek.

"And yet, you still keep me away. You keep your secrets from me, you exclude me from the war effort, when you and I both know what the prophecy said. That when the time comes, I'll be needed," I said, taking my seat back on the sofa, not pulling my eyes from him.

"I know," He said in a low voice.

"You tell me that I'm powerful, and capable of extraordinary magic, but what good will it do if I'm thrown in unprepared?" I said harshly.

"You're going to get yourself killed. What was it all for then? James saving Lily, Lily saving you and Harry? Do you think I want to bear witness to watching another person I care for die?" He said defensively.