I could never say we could go back and be how it used to. But every time I think back to late summer in july I still miss you.
Me and JJ were best friends since we were little, everywhere JJ went I went too we were never not with each other.
But that all change last summer when JJ started to act different and I didn't understand why, I just thought he was just stressed out about something but the more I thought about it the more he wasn't talking to me and pushing me away.
And now our families don't even say a word. I used to come over every Friday after work.But that was before all the pain that you caused me.
The more I would go over to John B's house after work on Fridays to hang out he would be there and wouldn't say a word to me. He would just look out towards the beach and act like I wasn't there. The Pogues didn't know what was up with him when it came to me, they would ask him but he would just shut it down.
The more and more that happened I just kind of stop going over there when he was there. I tried to talk to him but he didn't want to talk to me. I always thought I did something wrong but when I would think back I didn't see anything that I did wrong.
The pain that he caused me was terrible but I just had to learn to deal with it. I just kept on telling myself that he would talk to me someday but the more I told myself that the lest I believed my own self.
And all the lies you told, it's haunting I still see your face when I go to sleep. I'll always love you will you always love me. I hate that all these memories are so persistent but now I know, I know how hard it is to move on with my life when all of these daydreams come back to me at night.
It was another late night for me. I couldn't sleep every time I close my eyes all I saw was him, all the memories that I have of me and him would come back to me. To where I couldn't sleep.
I turn around in my bed to look out the window to see the full moon that was so bright, it was still December it was cold out around this time me and JJ would always be together but now that's not how it is anymore.
John B told me that I should have told JJ how much I've liked him for so long but I told him that I couldn't ruin our friendship like that, so I kept it in all these years worried that I would ruin what we had but it's already ruin now.
I hate that it will take time to forget this, but now I know, It's better to love you from a distance. To love you from a distance.
I just have to know that he doesn't want anything with me after everything we went through and it's okay sadly. Maybe he's going through something that he doesn't want me in.
Remember when I'd drive you home cause you didn't have your license, we were windows down cruising thinking " Damn I really like him" and then I went out and got a new car. So it didn't break down when we would drive too far.
I look down to see my jeep in the driveway a smile came on my face when I first got that car I went to go show JJ so me and him could go ride around in it until the early morning.
