ShikonNoTama

"so wont you take a breath and dive in deep?"

ShikonNoTama

this message may be offensive 
do you ever feel like you fuck up big time but theres nothing you can do to un-fuck-up?
          
          like, maybe that fuck up was meant to happen. maybe you were supposed to tear things apart before they could ever get better.
          
          i keep feeling bad for things ive done in the past-- im falling down this endless rabbit hole of regret and other stuff. its like the weight that was lifted off my shoulders has come back.
          
          i just.. i dont know. i didnt think i fucked up in that moment. i kind of still dont? its hard to explain.
          
          i just never thought that a choice i made that was supposed to free me would make me hate myself so much. would make other people hate me.

ShikonNoTama

*SCREAMING AGGRESSIVELY* AND ANOTHER ONE KJSKJKSJKSKNSSNJSK
          
          
          would you believe me
          if i said
          that i feel guilty?
          for everything, really. 
          i wish we wouldn't have met.
          for your sake.
          for my sanity.
          i wish i wouldn't have done what i did.
          i wish i hadn't told you i loved you.
          i wish we hadn't promised each other a forever.
          i wish that i was never your pink flower.
          
          i can't change what i did,
          or what i felt,
          or what i feel now.
          i cant fix you.
          or this.
          i don't want to.
          i just hope you know
          that i never meant to harm you.
          i'm sorry that i wasn't there most of the time.
          i'm sorry that i'm still not there.
          i'm sorry that i can't be.
          i'm sorry that i ran away.
          that i thought i could avoid my problems by ignoring them.
          but now?
          now you're plaguing my mind,
          and i feel so guilty.
          and i'm so sorry.

ShikonNoTama

oh boy, im on a r o l l.
          
          
          she never really forgot you.
          did you know that?
          how could she?
          when you filled up
          two years of time.
          she was only eleven.
          only eleven when her
          world turned upside down.
          
          she never thought of you by your name. 
          she had a title for you, though.
          it always changed.
          
          first, you were the best friend.
          then, you were the boy she loved.
          after that, you were the girl she loved.
          and then the girl she was indifferent about.
          
          after all that time, she realised,
          you were always the person
          that she never really knew.
          
          no, she didnt forget you.
          how could she?
          but she doesnt remember you, either.
          like a dream.
          a dream she could never wake up from.

ShikonNoTama

a poem i dont feel like putting into any of my existing books;
          
          im a bad person.
          anybody would know that,
          if they paid attention.
          i was a mess.
          a big ball of scribbles.
          like an angry kid
          was given a box of chubby crayons.
          im the aftermath of a hurricane,
          the calm before the storm,
          the tantrum of a baby.
          the knife that you cut your finger with by accident,
          the paper cut on your left palm.
          
          you shouldnt trust me.
          you never should have trusted me.
          but you did,
          and i broke you,
          more than i really intended to.
          but i was saving you.
          saving you from me.
          
          me, the liar,
          me, the traitor,
          me, the one who pulled out your heart and stomped on it,
          me, the one you should never have met.
          
          im sorry, for everything i caused you
          for everything youre going through.
          im sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
          but sorry doesnt cut it, does it?