Nathan's Ashes(just call me Ash)

Um.. I don't really know what to say about myself.. I'm not really that sure of who I am without her. Well.. I'm a girl. Lesbian. I like music but a lot of it is music she liked and even the songs she didn't have triggering lyrics. I used to cut but after a failed suicide attempt when she left me it feels like something stops me from doing it anymore... I use ellipses a lot as you can see. It's usually when I'm sad or thinking or if there's just a sort of pause mid-sentence. I'm kinda lost atm and it feels like my whole world has crashed around me.. I don't eat much... I usually have to be coaxed and reminded too and it's only gotten worse since things went bad with her.. I have social anxiety. People think I'm rude sometimes because the anxiety keeps me from doing simplest things like greeting people or saying please of thank you, like strangers. It was getting better but I've kinda been retreating back to how I was before her... I'm planning on jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge on July 28 if I don't start feeling at least a little bit better after losing her so this account might not be active for very long. I love too much, I'm possessive, even obsessive.. I don't mean to hurt people... I never try to hurt people on purpose but sometimes I do on accident... I'm kinda like a little kid... I'm scared of the dark and being alone. I think I could be considered goth. I dress like that, and in black and in Victorian-like dresses. Gothic Lolita. I have a friend whose really similar to me, but she's cheerier and more hopeful than me. She's a Sweet Lolita. She's really nice. I'm really self conscious and I honestly hate what I see whenever I look in the mirror. I used to feel better by telling myself that if she loves me the way I am then there's nothing wrong with me. Now I feel everything is. I don't think I'm going to get very far in life and I honestly felt lucky to have her that she was willing to deal with me. But she isn't anymore.. idk what else to say so.. bye.