𝚋𝚊𝚍 𝚕𝚞𝚌𝚔

i’m so sick of being everyone backup/second choice. no matter what i do i’ll always be an afterthought and i’m tired of it- what’s so wrong with me that i can’t be a first thought??

seeing a complex well written character get watered down by the content community into a one dimensional-one word described character is one of the such painful experiences 

been playing a lot of rdr 2 and rd online and i got 2 chapters of yan fic with the (y/n) being based on the online protagonist storyline- idk the character i made is so cute and awkward looking lol it’s inspired me to actually write for the first time in a while, im rlly outta practice so it’s not rlly good but i might good over them after work and MAYBE publish it if i think it’s decent enough

not getting married bc it’s too much of a commitment but having kids with someone is CRAZY 

the nostalgia i get from my little pony gore/dark content is so strange and should be study bc why am i on zombie/infection mlp instagram?? 

rewatched bcs  and moved to brba and omg i’m so pissed abt poor hugo that man deserved so much better i hate walter so much

having a father who guilt trips and gets so..petty abt me calling out of work actually aggravates me so much especially cause like..which one of us has a job?? it ain’t him.
          
          i literally got 2nd degree burns on my fingers yesterday from a pan that wasn’t supposed to even be hot and while i was WORKING 20 minutes over unasked bc they had no one else, the burns hurt don’t get me wrong, but the main reason i called out today was bc i was frustrated/ and if i went to work and had a bad day i would’ve quit.
          
          but all day today my dads been giving me passive aggressive remarks (‘let me look at it? oh it’s not that bad’ ‘can i see your hand? oh it’s just 1st degree, when i was younger i dumped hot grease on my hand and it actually blistered’) and went on this long thing abt how i need to stay a good employee??
          
          i have worked there for almost 5 months, i have called out 3 times before, 2 of those times i brought doctors notes, im always on time/early and i always work late when they need me to, not to mention IM 17!! i shouldn’t need to be a good employee, but i am, and if me calling out a day in advance bc i got hurt on the clock i ain’t the issue here!

it don’t feel like christmas, like usually christmas eve i feel it but i’m just…tired, my cat waylon passed away Thursday and i’ve just felt so numb, and i’m working today and all these ppl keep wishing me a merry christmas but it just feels like another day

it’s so creepy when young men come into my job and call me stuff like sweetheart- like old guy calling me stuff like baby girl, darling, whatever, it’s weird but expected but a 25-30 year old calling me sweetheart, baby, it’s so much weirder and creepier and idk why 

dressed in a black vail screaming sobs of sorrow in the rain because my husband(work crush) got sent off to war and died(quit without notice)