Angie Rose

I am a 30 year old transmental female that has experienced traumatic situations  that have been back to and it doesnt seem like it will ever let up to release the stress of the past and find a path I can take to get to my grave. I have struggled through with those unfortunate events in my past  with mental illness and drug abuse before I could even say I'm six or seven. My father broke his back from falling of a seven foot scaffold. He became physically disabled. My mom had to find a job to help with the expenses of life. Well my dad got bored and decided to start cooking methamphetamine iny parents closet as well as free base. Well I was conceived with the drug and all throughout her pregnancy with with me. I was born still birth and I'm lucky to be alive, but I've been on the other side of life, death. I was young, about 7 when I began to write. This coping skill got me through the days of misery and torment that took place at home. My brothers where tyrants and I had taken the responsibility of watching over them. When I was sixteen my committed suicide on May 1st 2008. My life was sided upside down and hasn't came back around yet. I'm still seeing  life as sur-realisim and this causes me to become delusional. Life is a struggle day to day from the scars from the past that are still trying heal. It is difficult to accept the terms of life because I feel so worthless and helplessness and hopelessness has turned to into a downward spiral of agony and  shame.  I am on the road off destruction and I'm at a lost most times. If I could be more than I am I don't know how could I amount to anything of value when I'm damaged goods for life. Writing has been a great  way to release  my isolated  thoughts and stuffed down emotions that have been sitting in the lump of my throat and I still haven't been able to get out of the torments of my mind and mixed emotions. I will not bow down to the structure of failure even if that's where I end up to lay. I live for irony.