5thSecsOfJano

How in the hell is my fan fic three years old?

ILOVE5HANDCAMILA

it’s 5 years old now oop
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5thSecsOfJano

@camrenstan
          
          hey!!! i'm reading your story. It took me some time to understand what the number represented. If they represent the time until new year, i think it's best to do this: 25 seconds... because it doesn't make the reader very confused.
          
          plus i think it's a little risque to have a whole chapter as ur blurb. Maybe actually have a blurb or have a line from that particular chapter that is directly linked to the title
          
          "I'm not actually picky with people, I'm more afraid of them because they teach you how to love but they don't teach you to unlove and the scariest part is that you have to learn it on your own." i think this one would fit perfectly and then perhaps with a little summary of the whole story. I don't know just a thought.

5thSecsOfJano

@camrenstan ur welcome :))) good luck with ur story
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camrenstan

I appreciate this very much!!! Thank you and I'll definitely work on this.
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5thSecsOfJano

this message may be offensive 
@camrenstan 
            And I realised your blurb was supposed to be a prologue. Maybe make it a first chapter instead. 
            
            Also when starting speech, always go on the next line and finish with a full stop. e.g. "Fuck her and her secuding skills." Or if she was continuing to speak: "Fuck her and her seducing skills," I groaned as I slowly go up from my bed. "Honestly fuck her." 
            
            Maybe you can focus on the location as well. Just a little description of each room the girls are in before getting straight into the story. Otherwise, I think the story is pretty good.
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camrenstan

please take time to read mine... http://w.tt/1SvKBj9

5thSecsOfJano

@camrenstan oh lol i already pmed you haha ok lol ill copy and paste everything
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camrenstan

it's better if you comment there
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5thSecsOfJano

@camrenstan of course. i'll pm you what i think
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