I agree with many of the others, maybe make the start more "catchy". I don't know how, but just work on it! And have fun!
It's good for a start. But it wasn't really catchy, but it did give some information which is good. And the story plot seems quite interesting (:
prologue could be better, it doesn't make me want to read as much as a catchy prologue would but good none the less
Write 16 as sixteen. we speak in sounds not numbers. i know, bit confuzzling eh, i dont really get it either but its the right way to do it
Short but good. Like an oreo. just some grammar errors, and at times sentences dont flow, but otherwise pretty good
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