Daisies

-3-

To Kang Minhee.

When I first met you, all I could think of was how perfect you are.

Not in a bad sense, of course. You were kind and funny, always helping without needing to be asked. I always adored that fact about you, how you would act like you were crazy just to make people laugh.

You always smiled back, too.

I see the way Eunsang looks at you. It's beautiful, you know? He really cares for you and I know you feel the same.

It feels weird to think that you only know me as your boyfriend's best friend, so I appreciate that you are trying to befriend me. Hey, please answer me honestly, did you really want to talk with me?

You know, just because I'm me and not Eunsang's weird best friend?

I don't quite believe you had good thoughts about me before. Or even noticed me either.

Minhee-ah, you are really sweet and caring. You are one of the few people that actually made me feel like I wasn't completely useless. So thank you.

Even if I doubt why you stayed in the first place.

I wonder, if Eunsang wasn't my friend, would we have met?

Eunsang-ah was my first love. I really loved him and I still do. It hurts so bad, like I could rip my heart out and still feel the pain. I didn't stand a chance from the beginning anyways.

But I could never be mad at you for taking him away from me.

I'm the coward, after all.

You guys are happy. So in love, so full of life and laughter. I wouldn't forgive myself if I destroyed that.

Though, there must be something wrong with me. I thought I would only ever have these pathetic feelings for Eunsang before they eventually fade into nothing.

As usual, I proved myself wrong.

I can't help to think how it would be like to kiss you. To sink into your embrace and fall asleep to you humming while you pet my hair.

You are so pretty, Minhee. I really want you to kiss me, to hear you say I'm yours, to be the one that makes you laugh.

On the same time I wanted to be the one Eunsang takes out on dates, the one he whispers "I love you." to every movie night and the one he'll look for in the mass of a hundred people.

I'm really selfish, aren't I?

I thought it would be a crush at first, something harmless that didn't matter. Once again, I got it all wrong.

Kang Minhee, I love you. I love you, my best friend's boyfriend, my friend and dongsaeng.

You'll never answer these feelings, I know.

It's alright. I believe I'll be fine one day.

One day, I won't be writing letters for all the heartbreaks I've gone through. One day, I won't have to write letters that I destroy afterwards, too afraid to let anyone read them and find out.

One day, I'll be happy.

Spring is coming, Minhee-ah. Make sure to enjoy it, okay?