There are things that aren't mean for each other. Like us. There are also things that needed to let go, in order for us to grow beautifully. It's been more than a month since I let go of you, of us. I am here now at plaza. Sitting and typing this. Same place, same time when I was waiting for you to come. Months ago.
I don't know what to type, I want to tell this to my Best friend, but I just can't. I want to tell this to my other friends, but I cant either. I am tired of explaining myself to them. Because it's still the same. The same pain you had given me. Still the same.
You are my fucking almost boyfriend. That's why I am acting like this. I am so mad at you Russell. So mad. I fucking hate you but at the same time, still love you. I missed you but I fucking hate you. I hate you for not fighting. I hate you for letting me go. I hate you for not chasing me. I fucking hate you for being capable of not talking to me. I fucking hate you.
I could feel my heart ripping into tiny little pieces by just hearing or thinking of your name. That's how much affected I am. Memories are over flowing. And so the pain.
I want to forget you but that's not possible. You will be here, forever, in my heart. Just like cedric.
