No Time Left | Narry Storan One-Shot

When someone dies it doesn't matter whether you knew the person on a personal level. You feel it. You feel the sadness, the pain. You can see it in the eyes of the people who knew them, you can hear it in their voice when you ask them if they're ok. It almost seems pointless to try and help those who have lost. The silence you hear closes the deal on the pain each individual is going through. You feel powerless to even try and understand the emotions running through those who were affected. The sad part about that is its true.

When you know the person is when reality will soon sink in. You realize how quickly life can be over. A breath of air, a blink of the eye. One day they're here and the next they're gone. If someone were to ask you what's wrong they would be left without an answer because you don't know. That's it, you don't know how to explain the emotions that course through your mind. It's everything between anger and sadness just as much it is the happy memories you still try to hold on to so desperately. Then suddenly, it's nothing. You're left void of anything because now there's a hole that just can't be filled. Then when you see the expressions of others who shared those memories with you....that's when you know. You know he's gone.

It may seem like it will only be the first day that hits you the hardest but that's not true. It gets worse. There are different ways of dealing with the the pain. There are the silent ones who put on a strong face and choose to hide their true emotions from others. They'll try and do anything to make you think that they are alright and just dealing with the grief at a different pace. The pain will eventually eat you up inside, causing you to break down when it becomes to much to handle anymore. You'll spiral downwards into a deep dark hole of depression and if its to late, you may never get out.

Then there are the ones who are able to let it out; they cry, the get angry. It doesn't matter who you were to them before because there would be no getting through to them. They wont let you in no matter what because to them every single ounce of happiness is gone from the world. It'll take awhile but eventually they'll be able to move on. They may have to dig deep but there is always the possibility of finding it somewhere within themselves the will to move on....to let go. Once they are able to do this happiness may not seem so unattainable anymore. I wish I could the latter one, but I'm not. I wish I could find it in me to move on, but I can't.

"I'm so sorry for your loss."

I hear it much to often. One to many times if you will. If you didn't know him like I did though, I guess there are only so many things you can say. They may think these words help, that apologizing for what happened will start the healing process, but its not. It's just a reminder to me now. Reminding me that now he's gone, and that I was powerless to do anything, to help in any way. Everyone keeps trying to tell me that its not my fault, to stop blaming myself for the unfortunate outcome. I can't though, as much as I want to I just can't help but think that maybe there was something I could have done to prevent it.

"Stay strong."

How am I supposed to stay strong when the person who is most important to me is no longer here? How can I even think about being happy when he won't be here to share these feelings with me? How could I even dare to move on hen there were so many things we said we were going to do together. All of the opportunities.....gone.

"Hey mate, you ok?"

I looked over into pain stricken brown eyes. His voice full of worry as he spoke. I looked down away from him refusing to see his expression that only confirmed what I didn't want to believe. I wished I could tell him the truth. I wanted to tell him no, that every second I stand there is slowly breaking me and that every breath I take just seems pointless now that he is no longer here with me. Every moment that passes is another moment that I'll never get to share with him again.

"Yeah Li.....I'll be fine."

I finally managed out knowing that if I didn't say anything at all I'd just worry him more than he needed to be. What I said to him didn't necessarily answer his question though and I knew that. It left out what I was feeling at this moment because I still couldn't put how I was feeling into words without making them think I was going mad, not that I wasn't. I'm glad he decided not to push it any further as he patted my back and walked away to the others knowing that I'd rather be left alone.

I continued to stand there as I looked down upon the gravestone. Quiet whispers from the others being lost in the wind. I heard Louis' voice thanking the guests for their kind words and that we all appreciate them for being here, all of us except me. The only reason they were here was to pay their respects to someone who is no longer with us. If he wasn't gone then there would be no need for them to be here and I would be feeling the way I do right now. This void hole in my chest where my heart used to be. When he died he took it with him.

The longer I stood there the more I felt tears prickling behind my eyes. They were threatening to spill over at any moment, slowly blurring my vision. I raised my arm to wipe the falling tears from my face, then let my head fall back a bit as I looked up at the sky. Letting out a long breath I looked back towards the ground, memories flashing through my mind as I stood there.

I remembered all of the times when he would smile at me for no apparent reason. I remembered the feel of his hand as his fingers would interlock with mine. I could almost make out his voice as he told me I was an idiot, or that he loved me. His laugh that would never fail to make someone laugh and smile with him. I then realized I would never be able to hold him close to me again. His arms will never rest on my shoulders or upon my waist to pull me into his hugs. His breath won't ever rush over my skin when he buries his face into my neck in our most intimate of embraces. To never be able to show the one you love exactly how much they mean to you. I'll never get the chance again.

"Why did you have to leave me?" My voice barely recognizable, hoarse from the screams, and the cries of denial. "Why aren't you here anymore? Don't you know how much you mean to me..." I whispered not wanting anyone else to hear the words I was saying. "You left me, you abandoned me here without you." The tears glazing over my eyes were starting to fall once more but I chose to ignore them. "I should hate you...but I can't...I love you to much. Can you hear me wherever you are? I fucking love you ok?" I cried out burying my eyes in the palms of my hands. "You were everything to me...now what am I supposed to do without you?" I spoke softly.

I could feel my knees slowly giving out and this time there was no one there to catch me. I looked up my eyes now level with the etched words on the dark stone, my fingers tracing them slowly. My hand fell flat against the stone and my head fell forward, a cry escaping my throat as I sat there numbly.

"I love you Niall...I'll love you forever."

__________________

(a/n) god that was depressing.... I'm sorry guys don't hate me for it.

This is in memory of a boy who died at my school on Thursday....it was his senior year, I just can't believe he won't be able to live his life, it was just beginning ...

Anyways for those who read this thank you, I would like to hear your thoughts and also who's POV you thought I was writing from, I saved giving away who it was until the end. I just curious to see who you thought it was.

Alright bless your face <3 (: