write to me

"don't tell me that this is an illusion"

Asami-

This is really scary for me to admit, but I've had some...moments with someone. At least, I think I have? They feel like moments to me but I don't know if it's one sided or not and that's kinda what makes it so hard for me to process or talk about. And I don't even know what a moment is even supposed to be when it's with a girl. It's easier with guys to tell the difference between friendship and having feelings. It was easy for me to recognize that I had feelings for Mako, and it was even easier to realize that I'd lost them. I don't know why it's easier with guys. I'm worried that because I didn't have any girl friends growing up I don't know what it's supposed to feel like to have a girl who's a close friend, that maybe I'm just looking at whatever these moments are and thinking that it's more than friendship because I don't know what friendship with a girl is supposed to be. What are the moments you've had that have felt gay? Is that too personal? You don't have to answer if you don't want to.

I think it's just hard for me to understand why you choose to do this, again and again. Getting sucked into my Avatar bullshit led to you losing your father, and it's dangerous. I hate knowing that if I had never dragged you into this you might still have your dad and you would be safe. I'm really thankful we work so well together, though. I think you and I trust each other and trust in one another's capabilities enough to get shit done. I don't think I could've escaped that airship in the desert with anyone else. I don't think anyone else would've kept a cool enough head to save me like you did while you were here. How many times do we have to talk about how well we work together before we stop feeling guilty for not saving or endangering each other? Rationally I know you don't have to be here and that you're choosing to do it every time and I'm so thankful that you do but I don't know how to stop feeling guilty that it's something that you even have to choose in the first place.

-Korra

Korra,

I would've lost my father whether I joined Team Avatar or not. No matter what, he was designing weapons and arming the Equalists, and eventually I would have found out and joined you guys to fight against them. I care about what Team Avatar does, and I care about you, so I'm going to keep choosing it. I understand why you feel guilty and I don't want to tell you how to feel or discredit what you're feeling, and I'm sure you feel the same exact way about me feeling like I could have done more to save you from Zaheer. The truth is exactly what you said a couple months ago: there are some things that are just beyond our control. But I want to add to that and say that we have control over our own actions and choices. Nobody could have saved you from Zaheer but I made the decision to be there for you however you needed me, and you made the decision to let me be there. And look what's come of it. We're healing some really old wounds together. We've become so close that we often talk about how special this is. We're discovering our own latent bisexualty together.

Speaking of which, I've definitely had a lot of moments. The first one being me kissing my friend to help her practice for her boyfriend. A lot of my moments revolve around physical intimacy that matches a level of emotional intimacy with another woman. I've had moments where a woman I'm close friends with is having a really hard time and I know that what's appropriate is to hug her or maybe hold her hand but I want to kiss her forehead and hold her close as she cries while I stroke her hair. Or she'll have really exciting news and she's just bouncing around, a big stupid grin on her face, and I know that I should only want to jump around with her but I want her to jump into my arms and kiss her hard and because I'm just bursting with joy and pride for her. And I think I'm finally ready to admit to myself that that's just not how you feel about someone who's just a friend, that's how you feel about someone you're in love with. And if I can be in love with a woman maybe I just need to say fuck it and accept that I'm bisexual.