Wolfish Love

The Road

|12 Minutes Until The Death Of Baden's Mother|

|Baden|

My mum wouldn't understand but she doesn't need to know either- my feelings will forever be invalid in my house.

The street lights are dim and make it harder to see in this dark night. The tall, built trees look haunting as they loom over the road above.

Glancing up at the rear-view mirror, I catch sight of Sarah- watching out of the window, as the evergreen trees pass by on this empty, dead road. Of course, it'd be like this: quiet- the entire town is on lockdown, because of the freakin' pandemic. That's why I'm in deep shit. After curfew, no one is allowed out.

Looking over at my mum, her hands fly and her mouth is moving fast- yep, she's definitely pissed off. Driving with one hand on the steering wheel and a hard press on the accelerator, we're zooming down the skinny road.

"I said it! I told you, don't go- your father has told you, multiple times Baden, don't go, don't leave and what did you do? The exact opposite!" My mum spews, her eyes glowing with disappointment. She glances at me before returning her eyes on the road, "Do you listen?! Do you care that your father is the Sheriff and that you're an example for so many people."

I can't help but roll my eyes. I hate this- this example bullshit! It's stupid and freaking annoying. Everyone has their own lives, I don't care what type of job my dad has, it can't fall on me. But it does! 

"No, you don't" She scolded, "You don't care, just like you don't care about school, your body-"

I narrow my eyes, it's always the body talk for her. I don't care if she was celibate until she met my dad. I don't have to be like her "My body is mine!" I bark at her.

"Oh, really?" she pushes, "Jamie isn't your first boyfriend" she emphasizes with an antagonizing tone "Is he? No, it's not because that would mean Christian and Jordan and probably all the boys in town to be- what? friends?! Your body belongs to all of them."

This is why I hate her. She's the biggest bitch "That's none of your fucking business." I growl. My chest heaves up and down, quickening by the second. There's a ball of fire that begins to roar.

"Don't!" she bellows, closing her eyes for a brief moment to regain her composure. "Don't you dare swear at me, Baden." My mum grits out, grinding her teeth together. 

My blood dances in my face as the temperature of my body rises. The jacket feels suffocating as I stare my mother down with the coldest, iciest glare. What a bitch! A stupid, dumb, dumb, dumb bitch. "I hate you. You're always attacking me- always have something to say but when it comes to your other children, it's a completely different story." I'm the ugly duckling, the bloody black sheep in this preppy, golden family.

She points at me with her free hand; shaking with accusation and her anger. "Your older brother doesn't do this and Anne-Marie is at home, she's not drinking and whoring around-"

You could hear the shock from Sarah's gasp. It leaves an echo that resounds within me as my face drops. A thick, hard ball settles in the middle of my throat and the corners of my lips twitch downwards uncontrollably.

She used to imply it but she never said the word, ever. It feels different- this isn't the same like before. The word was actually said. And Sarah's here, there's another person in the picture. It's embarrassing and humiliating and fucked up! She thinks I'm a whore, a dirty lying whore who she can't stand and wishes was never born.

My mum wishes I was never born. Eyeing my mother, I can't help the hot tears that well up and cloud my vision.

You don't have to see it to know, you just do. I'm the bad one, the one that didn't work out- the error in the system, the dysfunctional one.

"A whore" I echo after her, "I'm a whore, right?" I push, snarling. The tears threaten but I don't try to pat them dry, it'll look weak but if I cry, it looks weak as hell too. Just don't move, I beg in my head, don't cry for her at all and not in front of Sarah, it's weird and ugly. Nobody wants that.

She starts "You don-"

My voice breaks, "N-no. You basically said it. Your daughter is a fucking whore, Mum." The word 'Mum' rolls off of my tongue mockingly. I sniff "F- Face it" I clear my throat, "I like my men and I like them all" I taunt, "And I'm going to keep liking it as long as it fucking pisses you off, deal with it."

Sarah shits uncomfortably in the leather seat in the back, "Baden. I don't think it's helping" She mumbles. 

Shaking her head, my mum sighs to herself, "You'll never change Baden, I swear to God, I hope there's a man in this world that can accept you."

And that's it. That finishes it off. I'm nothing to her, just a broken piece. All I wanted was some fun, just a little breather for a while. I hate this town, my family and my life. I hate it here!

The tears break loose and fall over my cheeks like a waterfall, unyielding to my silent demands to stay still.

Sitting up in my seat "I- I wish, I wish you were dead" I stammer.

Sarah lays a comforting hand on my shoulder, "Baden" she calls softly.

"I don't care" I shrug her hand off of me, "I really do, I really do wish you were dead. You're the worst mum ever."

My mum turns the steering wheel to the right to follow down the path. Her head turns to look over at me. With frustration shining in her eyes, she says "I do hope you learn to listen, Baden-"

"Wait" Sarah pipes up, "Is that a person in the middle of the road?"

I look back at the road and cry out. My mum jerks to the left, narrowly missing the dark, hooded figure and we fall off of the road. Screaming out, my mum frantically tries to get ahold of the car but it's a lost cause- she was speeding too fast.

"Seatbelts!" My mum shouts out and the tone of fear is evident in her voice. She steals a glance at my face and for a small moment, there's panic and something more- too much to ever be pulled down into one emotion.

"Ahh!" Sarah screams, holding her face in her hands "Oh my god!."

I clutch my seatbelt close to my chest, "M-Mum!" I cry, choking on my words. We fall into the pack of evergreen trees and my body lurches forward at the loud, horrifying impact as the car collides into a tree.